Reaching new levels of domestic stupidity, without trying.  

Tala4u2 54M  
2089 posts
6/14/2005 3:44 am

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

Reaching new levels of domestic stupidity, without trying.

Kitchens are dangerous places and chefs are very brave people as we have seen through out history, Chef Sitting Bull for one. And who protects citizens from hoods and BBQ's on PCP and crack? the Chef of police and the Fire Chef. Well I want a Chef in my kitchen to protect Tala from himself. ( I am only saying that because the utensils and condiments may be listening and they are out to get me and I don't want them to know that i am on to them, shhhh its still secret and I am subterfuging them).)

Tonight I decided to practice dinner by candlelight, yes girls men do practice seduction and just accept that you all think it is pure bloody luck or a miracle. Don't even think about being clever about it by saying, "But you don't have to cook in candlelight!?" Do you think that learning to play the piano blindfolded would not be a good way to practice!?

Anyway back to my ambush in the kitchen by those who may be listening. Obviously preparing marinades for steak (it was dinner for me not company okay ) in the light of day is against some obscure religious tenet of the Condiments and Utensils community.

These bloody religious fatwahs against people like me who have never even heard of them let alone ever read a cookbook bible thingo, just show how irrational they are for non sentient items! As for those cooking shows that are consuming the TV time well look at them closely innocent cooking it is not The Naked Chef, Jamie Oliver, The Iron Chef who are the victims other chefs and people who are the victors? Condiments and Utensils how often have you watched one of those shows and suddenly having never thought of it before you are decided to get one of those pots or some of that spice?

Your homes are being infiltrated by radical condiment and utensil evangilists and they are turning your kitchens against you! Have you noticed how your salt shaker clogs up and there is no way it could have got moist or you just want to add a pinch of taste to a dish and the lid falls off saturating your loving and caringly prepared dish! Again who is the butt of the 'joke' the meal or the innocent domestic victim.

Tala Diety and protector of the innocent (especially the ones with cute butts and lingerie)

PS Before I got sidetracked I was going to tell you; Do NOT let water get into boiling hot oil! Fuck It Goes off like Wyvernrose at an orgy

Tala, Wizard of The Kingdom of BooBoBia, DEITY,

ByteChaser2 52M

6/14/2005 10:03 am

Cooking by candle light. A novel approach... At least that way one wouldn't have to watch spills and drips turn into mini-briquettes on the stove top!

*Keep a wary eye out for the spagetti fork... I hear it's just back from the terrorist training camps*


6/14/2005 10:11 am

Tala sweetie are just too much at times, I try to write this with the tears still running down my face. hahahaha

wyvernrose 38F
3895 posts
6/14/2005 10:26 am

lol tala I could have told you that.....

if you have problems with the salt put a little bit of rice in the shaker when you fill it

poor poor tala going to all the effort for little ol us


expatbrit49 62M

6/14/2005 1:28 pm

PML............ Ok found him again............ Hello Tala

Thank You for Your Time and Attention

Tala4u2 54M  
2957 posts
6/14/2005 7:35 pm

Byte I had my suspicions once I had barricaded myself in last night after survinging the ambush I put 7 and 3 together and came up with eleventy three which is how many suspects I have. That Spaghetti fork is not mine in fact I never had one 0I believe it was smuggled in underneath the chopsticks I bought last week. I have tied it to a vchair and have shown it my tinships and pliers From the garage co-alition who are not members of the Axis of utensils and condiments. A little more questioning and paring and I will have the truth, names spices and pots.

Tala, Wizard of The Kingdom of BooBoBia, DEITY,

AmberSolaire 42M

6/14/2005 7:35 pm

I bought a new coffee machine the other day.Ten speed, froth inducing, bubblicious coffee as made in real coffee houses.It can do anything from an expresso to a hotta choca latte.Bet it does 0-60 faster then your wheels.

Trouble is I dont drink coffee!

rm_jayR63 59F
1884 posts
6/14/2005 7:56 pm

Tala my dear boy, I believe you and i must have been cooking in the same kitchen. In my attempt to hard boil eggs I lost complete track of the minutes the water boiled away the eggsploded inthe pot and scorched the bottom of said pot. No Condiments or Utensils involved but I think it was indeed a fahtwa as i made a second attempt which also Failed.
I am resting from the Trauma.

papyrina 51F
21133 posts
6/14/2005 11:44 pm

i'm with jay,i always forget i'm cooking and can burn anything,i'm sure i do it on purpose,if i have no pans i cannot cook and then i have to be taken out for food

I'm a

i'm here to stay

Tala4u2 54M  
2957 posts
6/15/2005 5:13 pm

Darling Jay and Papy, and others thought I was mad but no I'm not. You have shown more proof of the activities of the Extremist Condiments and Utensils faction. And of course the ever sophisticated papy has shown How to fight back

Tala, Wizard of The Kingdom of BooBoBia, DEITY,

Barbiebunny69 43F

6/15/2005 9:24 pm

Is that a right wing, or i mean right drawer/cupboard conspiracy?

Tala ure onto something u just blew the lid off something.

keithcancook 60M
17718 posts
6/18/2005 6:51 pm

Kitchens are very dangerous places. Especially inside the fridge. Do not leave the cream cheese unwrapped and next to the broken egg souffle. Often new and unknown chemical compounds combine with amino acids and terrifying lifeforms emerge from the mix. These have been known to consume small pets when they ooze out the bottom of the ice box.

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