The Legend of Valdrane  

TTigerAtty 62M
3769 posts
4/12/2006 7:50 pm

Last Read:
4/23/2006 12:33 pm

The Legend of Valdrane

I've been writing a lot of poetry lately. And I've begun to get some comments about it as my readers are wondering what in the hell is going on with me?

Some of the gals have commented upon this apparent change to a softer more sensitive TTigerAtty and some of my buds on here have even accused me of becoming a 'girly man'. Yes, can you imagine that?! Going 'limp wristed' on them?!

I'll admit to starting the poetry thing after I saw the now famous movie 'Brokeback Mountain'. Perhaps this movie served as the catalyst for getting me more in touch with my softer side. I dunno, but something did change. Maybe it was just the end of the NCAA tournament and a lack of good, interesting subject matter for me to write about? Maybe it's the springtime flowers? Or, perhaps, I am evolving in some new direction?

Well, I can't let my reputation be tarnished with comments in my blog which are questioning my manhood, my virility. I have to address these comments! After all I am a damned Bengal Tiger and a rotten, coniving, lieing, cheating attorney to boot!

So, I've decided to come out swinging! Yep, I'm takin' the gloves off!

Now, one of my worst detractors has been Valdrane78, who, in a recent comment, has actually accused me of going soft with all this poetry stuff. So, I decided to write about Valdrane in a style that he can more easily relate to, comprehend and appreciate. He has inspired me to write 'The Legend of Valdrane'. This post, then, is dedicated to my fucking buddy in California, Valdrane78.

Now, I must warn you, this particular literary piece is a bit more crass and vulgar than you may be accustomed to reading on my blog. So, if any of you, my wonderful regular readers, are offended by such language, then I want to dissuade you from moving on into the comment section. I've decided to hide the text of this post away in the comment section so as to forewarn any who are offended by crass and vulgar language. Children under the age of 18 should definitely go no further. I would also suggest that pregnant women not venture forward into the comment section.

That being said, here then is 'The Legend of Valdrane' ..........


TTigerAtty
TIGERS, LLC
non illigitimae carborundum
~^~^~
~0_0~
>""""<
`^^^^`


TTigerAtty 62M

4/13/2006 9:31 am

A buxom young maiden
Made her way down the lane.
Seated on a park bench
Was a guy named Valdrane.

Blonde and quite beautiful,
She traveled all alone.
He spotted her boobies,
Licked his lips and he moaned.

He thought how desirous
She would be in his bed.
He plotted how he would
Meet her and then he said:

"Hey baby! Hey baby!
Wanna fuck? Wanna fuck?
Come with me you hottie.
'Gotta dick for ya' to suck!"

Stopping dead in her tracks.
She turned to face Valdrane,
And indignantly asked ...
"Are you fucking insane?!"

She cursed him and hit him,
'Til quite blue in her face!
She reached inside her purse,
Removed a can of mace!

"You crass mother fucker!
You asshole! You bastard!
I'll teach you some manners,
You big fucking retard!"

She sprayed him in the face,
And kicked him in the balls.
She cursed him and hit him,
'Til alas he did fall.

"Help me! Somebody help!"
Valdrane cried out in pain.
"Get this bitch off of me!"
He lay fallen in the lane.

And from that day forward,
He was never the same.
Never again was he
The same old crass Valdrane.

He turned his life around,
Meek and mild he became.
And so now, friends, you know
The Legend of Valdrane.

He entered a monastery,
A pious monk he became.
And so now, friends, you know
The Legend of Valdrane.


Copyright April, 2006 TTigerAtty - a manly man again!
All rights reserved.


Valdrane78 38M

4/13/2006 11:43 am

Heh

BANG! POW! BOOM! a study in useless knowledge and sick humor!
I want a damn soundtrack to my blog!


TTigerAtty 62M

4/13/2006 12:09 pm

I had fun writing it, MzHuny, but now, I am sure that I will be roasted by my friend, Val! I wonder what he will do to me?


TTigerAtty 62M

4/13/2006 12:13 pm

    Quoting SensuallyKate:
    oh my holy jeans and purple flip flops!!!

    absolute mock shocked face here...

    he is NOW in a monastery...

    daaaaaayum....
    I am now gonna have to search for a NEW number Two "fuck"...

    where oh where will I ever find one...

    dancin nakey out the Tiger blog door lookin and lookin...
    sensuallykate
    lmtlao!!
Katey, you've come to the right place ... at least until Val writes up his rebuttal likely sticking me in a preservatory or a zoo for Tigers!


TTigerAtty 62M

4/13/2006 12:17 pm

Hay is for horses! 'Sorry Val! Ya' know I didn't mean all that stuff! Someone else put me up to it!


saddletrampsk 54F

4/13/2006 1:17 pm


good post Tiger..

quit spamming on my blog..


rm_magnet4u22 49F
18406 posts
4/13/2006 1:22 pm

Paybacks are Hell Anxiously awaiting!!



I


MOfunNOWWOW 55F

4/13/2006 2:49 pm

Why Tiger...


MOMO
just a squirrel trying to get a nut


rm_phoenix_law 61M

4/13/2006 2:51 pm

Hmmmm, could possibly be some slanderous material there, unless of course, its true!!


TTigerAtty 62M

4/13/2006 2:58 pm

    Quoting saddletrampsk:

    good post Tiger..

    quit spamming on my blog..
'Sorry for the spam there, Saddle! 'Thought you'd wanna know about Val going into a monastery!


TTigerAtty 62M

4/13/2006 3:01 pm

Fr. Valdrane is now so meek and pious, I doubt that he will verbally attack me! He may, however, offer a prayer for my demented mind and contorted soul!


TTigerAtty 62M

4/13/2006 3:07 pm

Are you saying "Why, Tiger?" or "Why Tiger!" I'm not sure if the appropriate response is to defend myself or to accept your admiration and affection? Hi, sweetie! I'm goin' back to my old ways. The sicky sweet poetry was only a facade. I'm really a John Wayne kind of "manly man"!


m1903a3 59M

4/13/2006 3:07 pm

Damn fine, my friend! Though, don't give up writing the sensitive stuff. The chicks dig it.


TTigerAtty 62M

4/13/2006 3:11 pm

    Quoting rm_phoenix_law:
    Hmmmm, could possibly be some slanderous material there, unless of course, its true!!
Very good, Phoenix, I like how you think! If I get sued for defamation, I want you to represent me! He's in California and I'm in Missouri, and to the best of my knowledge, you're not yet admitted in either state. Can go for a change of venue to Michigan? 'Make him travel in the dead of winter?!


Whispersoftly5 52F
15176 posts
4/13/2006 6:38 pm

LMAO!!! Very funny. Love the way your perverted mind works!

Whisper...


Lioness_girl 45F
3494 posts
4/13/2006 7:31 pm

LOL T, I like the "New" you

And this was just too funny

Lioness_girl

Come have fun! Visit my blog at Lioness_girl


TTigerAtty 62M

4/13/2006 7:33 pm

    Quoting Whispersoftly5:
    LMAO!!! Very funny. Love the way your perverted mind works!

    Whisper...
My perverted mind! That's like the pot callin' the kettle black, Whisper!


RailBaron2 54M

4/13/2006 8:07 pm

LMAO- TTigerAtty I can't leave for a month without you getting into some sort of mischief can I


TTigerAtty 62M

4/13/2006 8:54 pm

    Quoting RailBaron2:
    LMAO- TTigerAtty I can't leave for a month without you getting into some sort of mischief can I
Well, welcome back Jim! Now we're gonna have some fun around here! Are you posting again?


TTigerAtty 62M

4/13/2006 9:00 pm

    Quoting Lioness_girl:
    LOL T, I like the "New" you

    And this was just too funny
Lioness ... I think the ladies like the nice soft poetry, whereas the guys want action! It's hard to please everyone! As you well know, there's an awesome responsibility we take on in running our blogs!


Valdrane78 38M

4/13/2006 11:40 pm

Actually, if you go back and look at my comment, you all will see I didn't say anything derogatory at all about his poetry.

BANG! POW! BOOM! a study in useless knowledge and sick humor!
I want a damn soundtrack to my blog!


Valdrane78 38M

4/13/2006 11:42 pm

Actually, if you go back and look at my comment, you all will see I didn't say anything derogatory at all about his poetry. Nore did I call him soft.

BANG! POW! BOOM! a study in useless knowledge and sick humor!
I want a damn soundtrack to my blog!


Valdrane78 38M

4/13/2006 11:44 pm

Here is the proof..

Quoting Valdrane78:
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Well................that's alot of poetry lately........

Wher eis the restless old attorney I have come to know and love (purely plutonic btw, don't get any ideas )
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I know, Val! I gotta get off this girly man poetry kick I've been on lately and write some manly dirty jokes, some drink recipes, maybe some sports commentary or some political rants! I just don't know! Seems like ever since I went to see 'Brokeback Mountain' I've gotten into touch with my "softer side". Maybe I need to write some manly poetry with 4-letter words for you ...

I once was a girly man,
Until Val came along,
And told me to beware,
Said I was goin' wrong!

-------

See there, you calle dyerself a girly man, I didn't. I just asked where the old you went.

BANG! POW! BOOM! a study in useless knowledge and sick humor!
I want a damn soundtrack to my blog!


TTigerAtty 62M

4/14/2006 4:41 am

    Quoting Valdrane78:
    Actually, if you go back and look at my comment, you all will see I didn't say anything derogatory at all about his poetry. Nore did I call him soft.
Oh shit, Phoenix! Here comes the law suit! I need your help!


TTigerAtty 62M

4/14/2006 4:45 am

    Quoting Valdrane78:
    Here is the proof..

    Quoting Valdrane78:
    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    Well................that's alot of poetry lately........

    Wher eis the restless old attorney I have come to know and love (purely plutonic btw, don't get any ideas )
    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    I know, Val! I gotta get off this girly man poetry kick I've been on lately and write some manly dirty jokes, some drink recipes, maybe some sports commentary or some political rants! I just don't know! Seems like ever since I went to see 'Brokeback Mountain' I've gotten into touch with my "softer side". Maybe I need to write some manly poetry with 4-letter words for you ...

    I once was a girly man,
    Until Val came along,
    And told me to beware,
    Said I was goin' wrong!

    -------

    See there, you calle dyerself a girly man, I didn't. I just asked where the old you went.
It looks bad for me now, Phoenix! Can we settle this thing out of court before the negative publicity kills off my blog? Can we offer to buy Val drinks or provide him a month's worth of free legal service? He's got me nailed dead to rights here!


ohsodelicious 57F
1922 posts
4/15/2006 11:02 am

Tig{=}I think your posts are OhSowonderful...this one was a roit

Hugs...OhSo{=}


Sorceror07 54M

4/15/2006 7:21 pm

tiger... i think you may need more than legal protection now... lol!!!! ...hmmm, any abandoned norad missile silo's out there in the missouri countryside you can lock yourself into?

lol! this cracked me up bro! i'm dying here! hehe!

...That which does not kill me merely pisses me off!...


TTigerAtty 62M

4/17/2006 2:55 pm

    Quoting ohsodelicious:
    Tig{=}I think your posts are OhSowonderful...this one was a roit

    Hugs...OhSo{=}
Thanks, OhSo! Just pickin' on Val a bit. All in good humor though! I hope he see's it that way!


TTigerAtty 62M

4/17/2006 2:56 pm

    Quoting Sorceror07:
    tiger... i think you may need more than legal protection now... lol!!!! ...hmmm, any abandoned norad missile silo's out there in the missouri countryside you can lock yourself into?

    lol! this cracked me up bro! i'm dying here! hehe!
Yes, Sorce, I expect him to roast me good any day now!


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