When did you stop loving me?  

THEcowgirl37 33F
16 posts
1/22/2006 8:25 pm

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

When did you stop loving me?


He loves me, he loves me not. . . ok, so it's not a matter of being loved, it's more of a matter of how much or whether or not he's in love with me anymore. i am over my grudge against Gwyn, because she is really easy to talk to, really a cool person, and it is just easier to not hold a grudge. I have him, right? They started talking right after he and I decided for sure that we were going to seperate. They hit it off, and somewhere along the line he "fell in love" with her. I can't totally fault him, because I was kinda into this guy named Ryan at that point in time, just dying to be free enough to kiss him, you know? And for some reason, I went and had dinner with my buddy Rich, right before I moved out, he decided that night that he had to have me still. He didn't want me to leave, he was basically going to die without me. I left anyway, after a week we decided we were going to work things out, then a week later we found out we were pregnant. No problem, it just meant that we were supposed to be together. I moved back in, and the Gwyn saga has had some ups and downs since then. Well, today at lunch we kind of had a heart to heart, totally civil, just like best friends. . . and I realized that there was no way he was still in love with me if he had indeed fallen for someone else. So now what? Are we just spinning our wheels? Is there a point to staying together? We need to stay together for our son, CJ, right? But that's not the thing to do either, is it? Won't that just push him to cheat on me? Or make one of us resentful of CJ? But I'm still not ready to give up, yet I don't want to waste anymore time. He has to be the one to leave, or initiate it, because it was different before CJ was here. Before we were parents, it would have been easy. He could go east, I could stay here and memories could be buried. But now if we split up, I will see him everytime I look at CJ and we would have to get together so that he could see him. I would never be able to get away from the pain. . .but should I have to live with knowing he is only still with me because it's comfortable? I wish he would go to counseling with me so we could get an outside opinion. . .

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