~* Introduction *~  

SxyCrazyCool 38F
633 posts
11/13/2005 3:03 pm

Last Read:
8/27/2006 5:07 am

~* Introduction *~

Mhmm.. well.. the introduction of my person I've already done on my profile.. if there's anything more you'd like to know, just ask..

As to why i'm starting this blog.. I'm actually not sure..
I've had a sort of online journal for about 2 or 3 years on a different site.. But there's something that stops me from writing on there anymore.. Not sure what it is, and not gonna bother finding out.. Meanwhile I found this blog-thingie and I just thought I'd give it a shot.. It's possible that this will be my first and only post.. it's possible that I'll only write once a month..
I'm just gonna use this as a bucket for my mindvomit whenever I feel its necessary to relieve myself

I want to share with you, to be clear on this.. that one of the greater goals in my life is to become completely transparent.. Not litterally ofcourse!
I want to grow and learn so much that I will be able to always tell the truth about everything. Never ever feeling that i have to/want to lie about anything anymore.. no secrets.. no shame.. Just me and the truth.. That don't mean that anyone can just see tru me.. but when asked, I will always want to tell the truth about anything.. even if its nasty..

At this point in my life I am practising very hard with this and I can't say that I find it easy.. I know that generally I am a very honest person. You can ask me anything about my past, my wishes & desires.. my future, my thoughts and dreams and I'll tell you the truth..
But somehow I find it necessary to make up stupid excuses when I was too late for an appointment.. or to explain why I havent called someone back for a whole week.. I can't just say: Sorry I didnt feel like talking with you this week..
Instead I make up dumbass excuses about my telephone having been stolen or blocked by my provider or whatever.. I can't just say: Sorry I'm late.. I didnt get up in time.. or I had other, more important things to do than coming in time..
I come to someone's house after a date.. He puts on some music.. soft rock.. but the soft rock is getting louder every minute and I'm wondering if he doesnt have any other music.. He seems to have read my mind and asks me if the music isnt too loud for me.. What do I say?? .. "Mwah.. i can handle it.. no worries.. "..

I mean.. it's a small insignificant incident.. but why?? Why the lie?? Silly little lies.. I need to get rid of them..

TioSam35 47M
1 post
11/13/2005 5:36 pm

Hi! I really enjoy your blog!... Please, keep you writing!
I tell ya that I understand you (100 and I often ask myself why we have to be so formal, polite and diplomatic in certain situations???
In fact, I declare myself such as an "Hypocrisy Public Enemy"... and recognize, at the same time, it愀 so hard to handle it without injuries!
But... What can I do? My face always speaks for me! (I惴 not certainly an experienced actor).
Well... I just stopped to write this coment and to say hello and encourage ya to keeping posting!
See ya!

Diego (Luchador incansable contra la Hipocres燰)

rm_SirLickelot 46M
4 posts
11/13/2005 7:26 pm

Ok, agoigo has a point. Telling stupid lies is just that stupid.
But when I know you are lieing to me, and you know that I know. We both know the truth, so actualy you ARE transparent. In a very untransparent way.
So by lieing you are telling the truth and therefor you are NOT lieing.
WOW!!!!!!! This is deep. I'm losing my self here.
I better change subjects here.

So I dare you to tell me (us) your desires.
I will give you a hint...... try to get me in it. That would make me happy.

SxyCrazyCool 38F

11/14/2005 4:07 am

LoL.. well I can assure you that none of my desires include you.. ;p

SxyCrazyCool 38F

11/14/2005 6:31 am

Ok.. I could maybe better have said: Generally very open..

But what's with the eight years?! Who decides who needs how much time for his personal development? .. Everyone does things in his or her own pace.. there is no rule for things like that..

SxyCrazyCool 38F

11/14/2005 6:34 am

Ohw shit .. I thought that if I clicked reply that my answer would appear under your comment.. scuzi.. im still finding out how this works.. but guess u know what comment is meant for you

Mr_sweetness 44M
2599 posts
11/17/2005 1:17 pm

You are such a cutie pie i enjoyed the blog...and i love the honesty...i love a gal who is 100% honest right from day 1...nothing to hide...never feel bad for being honest or for makeing an excuse sometimes we have to make an excuse as to not hurt some ones feelings...HUUUGGGSSSSS and kiss kiss kiss...god bless you and take care...Peace, love and happiness

Peace, cause there is to much violence and blood shed in the world!!

Love, cause there is to much hate in the world!!

Happiness, cause it feels good and life is to short to be mean and unhappy all the time!!

HedonisticGuy69 46M
90 posts
11/21/2005 6:37 am

Ever consider that you want to please or that you don't want to appear in a bad light? Little white lies about unimportant things in the big picture isn't all that bad but when it becomes habitual and continues for years and years then there's a real likelihood that you will have great difficulty in breaking out of this habit.
There's also a likelihood you will start telling big lies until you lie all the time when push comes to shove as a reflex. I know someone who has started down this path. It's unfortunate for she is transparent and comes off as playing games/ immature.
When I was younger, I did something similar cause I didn't want to disappoint people by saying nope not interested or don't have time or whatever the truth was so intstead I hedged and said maybe when really there was no way. I also made up stuff as an excuse to why I would be late like you.
For me, I took a long hard look at myself and was absolutely brutally honest with myself as to why and how I went about making choices and behaving.
The catalyst for this was through raves with friends. I was very hesitant but got talked into it and though I was anti drug personally (on the inside as I did not go about preaching), I was also talked into trying E.
The long and short of it was an opportunity arose for me to work out some baggage and to express myself and share very personal things.
So that beyond the pleasures of dancing for hours upon hours at a time and other rave activities, I also experienced fantastic and mind opening conversations.
Through this experience I grew and was able to take steps towards my potential. Not that I am anywhere near it now but nearer then I ever was.
I am not saying you need to do this via raving and E but perhaps if you can manage discussing things freely and openly with someone or others then you may better understand yourself.
Be well.

SxyCrazyCool 38F

11/22/2005 2:08 pm

I know that's part of it all.. I do not want to appear in a bad light. It's all got to do with insecurity. If I were so sure about myself that I felt I could say anything I wanted without caring what the other person thinks of me, then I would probably not even think of even telling the smalles lie..
I did the big ones as well.. gravely, but luckily I got over that -- the hard way. The truth do always has the tendency to come out. Always. Sometimes it takes longer, sometimes it takes shorter, but in the end the truth will be known, if not to the world then at least to yourself, and then one has to live with his own lies. I've been there and it's not a pleasant life. That is why one day I decided to change all that. But before I could, I first had to realize I was doing all this. Because it became a part of my life and I didnt even realize I was doing it anymore.. And luckily then came a moment that I did and now I'm working very hard to change everything.

I can imagine "E" being of great help. But drugs are not the way for me (several reasons). I know it's just a matter of turning the switch. Once I found the switch it was real easy actually. And it's a fun thing to practise as well. And I find internet-relations a very good school to practise.. And of course I have my friends. They know about the transformation I'm putting myself through and it's good to have them to help me

I take a lot of time to do my thing, but eventually I get where I want and beyond..

HedonisticGuy69 46M
90 posts
11/25/2005 8:03 am

It's obvious through your writing that you are working on yourself... understanding yourself better, to be able to do something about the things about yourself that doesn't fit with who you really are(that being with tremendous potential). Sounds like you are already well down the path towards being all that you can be. I can clearly see an open mind
Without the aid of mind altering substances yet Give yourself a pat on the back cause I can't all the way from Canucksville.
I was glad for the opportunity to share something with someone who had similar experiences and/ or reached much the same conclusions.
A lot of us can go through life with blinders on, too afraid of our darkest side and weaknesses.
Which is limiting, a handicap of sorts, greater than any other who may try to obstruct us... one of our own making.
Now you have passed the most difficult point and can slowly but surely take steps if not strides and eventually leaps and bounds to becoming a fully self actualized individual.
To be frank, you sound a lot more attractive and more beautiful than the pics reveal because of this
You can say anything and do anything as long as you are being true to who you are, not just acting or behaving as you feel or think how others expect you to. Just believe in yourself little by little, more and more each day.
Eventually, you will notice that you don't have to try that hard. You can do it, because, I believe in you (that you are flawed but flawless in the attempt, that you have a mind with which to imagine and reason past shortcomings, that you have a heart with which to share the abundance within, fueling a soulful spirit).
Much more than just a hot body, than just a curvaceous specimen, than an attractive girl.
If I can then how can you not?

HedonisticGuy69 46M
90 posts
11/25/2005 8:09 am

If I can believe in you that is then how can you not in yourself? *just to avoid confusion and the possibility that I was saying if I could do this then how could you not* I will check from time to time to hear of your adventures and self realizations.

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