Sad..  

SxyCrazyCool 38F
633 posts
4/3/2006 9:47 pm

Last Read:
4/21/2006 11:49 pm

Sad..

I feel reluctant to write about the way I'm feeling. It seems everyone I know thinks of Australia as the place to be.. And I've been looking forward to this trip for years and years..
Now I'm here.

It's not that I want to go home.. or that I don't like it here.. Australia is great sofar.. and everyone's been more than nice to me..

I just never expected to be missing my friends. I've been travelling before.. I've been away from home several months before.. But never before have I missed any of my friends or my parents. The only one I always missed was my brother, the one person who couldnt care less where I am or what I'm doing..
And now.. I miss my guys.. I miss the way I can just say anything that's on my mind without being afraid of spoiling anything.

Seeing my friends brother and the way he is with his family makes me jealous of her..
It's been almost 6 years since I had a conversation with my brother that I'll never forget.. He made me understand that if I decided now, to stay here and never come back, it'd be all equal to him.. He wouldnt care and he wouldnt miss me. And the saddest thing is that I know he spoke the truth..
The way DDGGM interferes with my friends business, the way she's scared to be caught by some of his friends when we went to the stripclub, the way he talked to me on the phone every day during that time she had the 'bad-guy' boyfriend.. Maybe his reactions are a tiny bit overdone sometimes, but it still makes me wish that my brother was more like that. His friends are the family he picked and me and my parents are just what he got stuck with cuz he was born in our family. That's the way he sees things..

I don't know whats up with me today.. I feel very sad. I've been watching this film (A walk to remember) and for the last 45 minz of the movie I've been crying all the time..
Maybe it's because now I finally have proof of what everyone's always been saying: you can run (litterally) to the other side of the world, but you can't run from yourself..

My friend keeps asking me: 'Why would anyone ever want to live in Holland?!?'
I can remember a time that I'd have more than agreed with her and thought that it was the last place I'd want to spend the rest of my life at.. But now, surprisingly, I sort of feel offended when she talks like that and I even try to defend my country!! Talk about miracles happening..

Oh and another thing.. which is very strange. She thinks I'm self-absorbed.. *frown*..
I didnt know what it meant until she explained it to me.. It was weird because ever since I got here I experienced that she only listens to half of whatever I'm trying to say and then she talks over it.. Even just a little sentence like: "I'm hungry" "My eyes are burning" "I'm tired" Stuff like that; right through what I was saying. In the beginning I thought it was cuz she's got an attention span of 5 seconds.. or maybe because I speak too slowly (everyone speaks quite fast here) or my english is bad and I have to say "uhh" many times because I don't know the word.. But then she accused me of being self-absorbed and explained what it was and then I thought hello?? Are you the pot or the kettle?! Most of the times I just keep silent to prevent from being interrupted again..

I never thought of myself as being self-absorbed. Vain maybe yeah, insecure as well.. But if I understand it correctly, being self-absorbed is that you talk about yourself all the time.. I hardly find myself an interesting enough subject to be talking about all the time..
Here it's different. It's my blog and I can write whatever I want to cuz no one I know even reads it. If I want to I could spend all my blogs writing about myself, about my questions and insecurities, about my hopes and dreams and desires and ambitions.. about my fantasies and nightmares.. And no one, but you, will ever know.. Although I've noticed even on here, sometimes it takes courage to write down everything that goes on in my mind and heart and soul.. Let alone 'out there' in the real world.

It shouldnt matter what anyone thinks, but I'd hate to be thought of as self-absorbed
I shall have to ask my friends what they think about this matter..

Anyway.
Enough about me!
I'm going to Melbourne again tonight, with Miss Cleo.. let's see what lays in store for us tonight

~*xXx*~
~♥sXy♥~



calis1978 38M
65 posts
4/5/2006 3:33 am

*big hug*

Ik weet ff niet wat te zeggen meid.....self absorbed zo ken ik je in ieder geval niet. Misschien ligt het aan haar?
Je schreef eerder al dat ze eigenlijk weinig om mensen geeft....misschien is ze gewoon gewend dat al jouw aandacht naar haar gaat en kan ze het nu niet hebben dat je zelf ook wat nodig hebt.


SxyCrazyCool 38F

4/21/2006 11:49 pm

Hey Wietze .. *smile*.. thanx 4 ur comments.. I know it's not always nice.. and sometimes you have a nice surprise as well.. It's not an easy job to do, but generally it gives satisfaction.. because it feels good find out about who you are..

Hey hey Calis.. *smoooooooooochez*.. ik ben erachter gekomen dat ze zelf self-absorbed is.. baaaaddddd.. Ze laat me nooit mn zinnen afmaken en terwijl ik aan het praten ben begint ze dwars erdoorheen over dat ze slecht geslapen heeft ofzo.. Anyway.. Iemand zei me dat iedereen self-absorbed is.. Ik geloof niet dat ik erger ben dan anderen, maar ik zal het mn vrienden vragen als ik terug in NL ben.. Zij zei het op basis van mn gedrag op msn.. maar ik typ nou eenmaal heel snel, dus dan is er zo een blz vol ja.. haha kijk maar hier in mn blog.. meeste van mn posts zijn lang.. Ik gebruik veel woorden..

~*xXx*~
~♥sXy♥~


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