Have I been a bad girl.. ?  

SxyCrazyCool 38F
633 posts
2/20/2006 3:24 pm

Last Read:
1/10/2007 12:55 pm

Have I been a bad girl.. ?

I'm listening to this song.. (I've been working my way back to yoouuu babe!! -repeatedly) And once again I realize how much music does for my mood.. It’s nice, and I keep on blogging today..

Actually that my mood’s so happy sorta has something to do with yesterday as well. I had an awwwwsome chat last night, which lasted for hours and hours!
Again someone I met on this site.. Yes yes!! There are men on here with a brain in their head, instead of in their dicks.. Of course I'd already noticed a couple of them here in Blogland, but most of the men in Blogland are very very far away and very very out of reach.. (As was this one, but at least he's in my country)
I've met him in chat before a few times.. and he's one who stood out of the crowd.. By the way he conversed I could tell that he was different.. *smile*.. more attractive and intriguing he has an opinion and isnt afraid to shout it out. And we had a connection. Sometimes when u chat u can feel ur on the exact same wavelength with your chatpartner.. We spent some time chatting in the room that way..
Yesterday he sent me IMC and we started chatting when it was still light outside. Somewhere around 4am we switched from chat to phone.. I went to sleep around 6am.

And my experience with him is actually the reason that I posted previous 2 posts..
Cuz the fact is that he isn't single. Not by a long shot. He's with the love of his life at the moment actually.
And that was all good, cuz although he's in a category of men which I find highly attractive (yes, very much like that other person I met on here) he's got something special going on with his girl, something beautiful.
This couple is the second couple I've met online (or anywhere), that's in a relationship like the one I am 'waiting' for.. (lol meanwhile hearing Katrina & the Waves sing they’re Walking on Sunshine)
The kind of relationship that would be my ideal .. they love eachother like there's no tomorrow, unconditionally.. But there is enough space for eachother individually to make personal development and they let eachother free in their growth..

Cuz ya know.. A lot of people I know who are in a relationship, do not love eachother unconditionally. For a lot of these people this kind of relationship works pretty good, because it what's they both want.. Like my parents for instance.. They got married when my mother was 18 (my dad's 5 yrs older). She had never been with another man before, or after.. (yes there are exceptions) My dad's had a couple of girlfriends before he met my mom, but nothing serious. They got married a zillion years ago and neither of them would last very long without the other. And they're even still in love with eachother some times.. Beautiful.. And Very conditional. Because if my dad would ever dare to cheat on my mom, she'll be gone the second she finds out. For Good.
So, that would be: I love you, as long as you continue giving me, and only me your love and attention (romantically ofcourse).
Is this true love?
If you really love someone, and you find out he's cheated on you, do you stop loving him? Is the disappointment more important than the love?

Gosh I have so many questions on this subject. And I can't answer any of them because I haven't been in a serious/romantic relationship for over 6 years. I wouldn't know what it's like to love someone and find out he's slept with someone else.

At one point the thought of Mr.G f*cking some other horny sl*t from this site (@$^%@#$) hahaha drove me nutz (that's when I panicked). Not that it was the intention of our encounters to have an intimate romantic relationship, but I gotta tick the box ((not) suitable) -always, and for me that was enough evidence that we shouldnt be together.
If two people are in a relationship that is solid, with a good foundation~ When two people are in a relationship together in which they are certain of the others uncondtional love for them, there should be no place for fear. If there is place for fear (/insecurities) your love isnt solid.

That's what I hope at least. Knowing that people are not likely to be monogamous for a lifetime, it would be nice if my little theory would hold up when I meet My One (or one of the others).
And who am I.. who am I to take away another person's freedom on their road to happinez?

Don't get me wrong. I don't mean I'd meekly (?) put up with a guy like my CarService Guy, out partying whenever he wants with whomever he wants.. No.
And I know it's going to be difficult to find a man who understands what I mean (instead of a man who just eagerly agrees and thinks he can go f*ck around all he wants). I know the man I was 'with' last night perfectly understands what I am talking about.
Freedom is an important thing. You can't put your Loved One on a leash. Either the leash will break or your Loved One will choke.

Last night's experience would be considered as cheating by some, I can imagine. The first couple of hours were quite innocent (although right from the start we both knew that, given the opportunity [read: if he'd have been single] SteamingThrobbingHotWetPassionate sex would have taken place a couple of weeks ago already), but as time went by things sort of got less innocent. I'm not going into details but it eventually resulted in a mindblowing explosive orgasm like I haven't had in ages.. and the only thing I felt a bit guilty about was keeping him up till sunrise while he had to go to work a couple of hours later..
He's had a wonderful intimate warm experience with someone other than his girlfriend. Still I know that I don't even come close to being a threat to her. Something special happened last night. It was an experience. And then life goes on. What harm is done, if any? (Not trying to justify myself, just sincerely wondering)
I know he will tell her about me. He will tell her about what happened. Of course. He might even have her read this blog-entry. Because in this sort of relationship honesty is equally important as freedom.
It’s such a beautiful thing they have together.. *sigh*.. I know that I don’t have the power to do so, but even if, I wouldnt dream of affecting something so beautiful..

rm_PurryKitty2 48M/49F
9753 posts
2/20/2006 4:12 pm

I love that song........

Purry {=}


SxyCrazyCool 38F

2/22/2006 2:09 am

~*~ PurryKitty.. *smile*.. me too! .. It makes me wanna get up and swing!

~*~ Goldmember.. I saw your post on this subject.. It's a complicated thing and I agree with what you're saying.. There is no way that in one moment in time, you can make a promise (about your feelings for someone) and make it last a lifetime.. (In my opinion)..
I love what you wrote: "I personally like the notion of love as an exercise of the will, and the demonstration of that love as an act of absolute positive regard that expects no compensation." ~~> Unconditional

~*~ sweetneeds2 Thanx 4 ur sweet message.. I know he is.. and knowing the joy I'll have when I'm lucky enough to meet him, keeps me patient.. *grin*.. I have Faith


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