Hold Me!  

Sweetpickles69 47F
4147 posts
6/20/2006 8:28 am

Last Read:
4/16/2008 12:48 am

Hold Me!

Do you ever wish you had someone to hold you while you cry?

I been feeling this way for awhile. I love all the fun I've had here, but sometimes you just want someone to hold you in their arms while you cry.
I love all the sex, but alot of times it lacks the intimacy a person craves. I know I hold alot back when I'm playing with someone. I don't want to show everything. Don't want playmates to think I'm getting attached, might scare them away. This is the only thing I really miss about being in a committed relationship.
I've read alot about other bloggers tales of molestation, & it has brought back some memories(Not the good kind either). It's weird how something that happened to you as a child stays with you FOREVER. I was molested by my mom's friend's son, from age 5 to 11. He was just 3 years older than me. I didn't know it was wrong at the time. I let it happen, probably cuz I was getting attention from a guy. He would get me cornered in the basement, his room, or even the back of his parents pickup. Then, at age 7, a older neighbor boy molested me too. My parents found out about him, & whipped my ass with a belt til blisters formed. Then, my mother could never figure out why I couldn't ever talk to her about sex.
There was a time in my life were I thought I had put it all behind me. Then when I hit 30 years old, the crap rears it's ugly head, again. It hit me worse after I got married. I tried to OD 6 months after being married. I found a great counselor after the OD attempt. She made me realize what happened to me was abuse, & NOT my fault! It just felt like everything hit me all at once. I know the abuse has influenced my choices in men. I always chose the users. Mainly, cuz I always thought I was "damaged goods". He took my virginity, which is supposed to be sacred. I thought I didn't deserve a good man, someone who would treat me the way I should be treated. I'm realizing now, after a divorce & another failed relationship before that, that I DO deserve so much better than I have been "settling" for! You have to control the memories, instead of letting them control you!
It's really helped my ego or self esteem by being on this site. I never knew how beautiful I was. I always thought of myself as flawed or damaged.

Thanks to all of you who've sent me positive responses to my new pictures, it's really helped to hear how beautiful I am. I'm starting to believe that I am a beautiful person on the inside & out!

Just hold me while I get this cry out!



Peace,
Pickles


ChopsRedidDrawl 44M
2 posts
6/20/2006 1:44 pm

I have to say that what you typed was very touching. It touched my heart. I have never been molested in my life, and I don't pretend to know what it's like. I'm sorry thats happend to u.My heart goes out to anyone that has to go through that. *Hugs*


Sweetpickles69 47F

6/20/2006 8:41 pm

Thanks for the kind words & hugs, Spunky11961! I know I'm not damaged goods, but he did take my virginity! That was something that was supposed to be sacred. I'll be ok, it took a really good counselor to help me realize it all & to show me that it was abuse.

Peace,
Pickles


cuteNEway 41F

6/20/2006 8:44 pm

HUUUUUGGGGGSSSSSSS!!! I too was molested girlie. I know how you feel. I took me til this very moment when I read this to realize that I am not the damaged one. Nor are you. Nor ANY abused person. Abusers project their damage onto you to make themselves feel better. You are priceless girl!!


company_od 42M
70 posts
6/20/2006 11:38 pm

There are no words that can erase the things we wish would never have been, we can only hold fast to our resolve to not allow them to be our master and control us - instead we must master them and make ourselves strong.
Another sympathetic ear at your service. (Hugs)


Sweetpickles69 47F

6/21/2006 7:34 am

    Quoting company_od:
    There are no words that can erase the things we wish would never have been, we can only hold fast to our resolve to not allow them to be our master and control us - instead we must master them and make ourselves strong.
    Another sympathetic ear at your service. (Hugs)
Thanks companyod! That's the way to get over it, don't let it control your life! That's what I had to do. Put it in my back pocket, & move on!

Peace,
Pickles


rm_skyeone2 64M/45F
7186 posts
6/22/2006 5:35 am

Wow, I was just scrolling through the blogs, found yours and started to read. That is a sad but brave story you posted here! You have obviously been through an awful lot. The end of your story you say how you're getting stronger, for that I am very glad. No one deserves going through what you did, and you certainly are worth a lot more than users as mate's!

All the best,
Skye


Blessed Be


rm_DarknStar 54F
2823 posts
6/23/2006 7:26 am

Sweetpickles, sorry to hear of your abuse and molesting. For I have never been molested, BUT my daughter has. So I been through it, and heard all the stories. My HEART goes out to YOU!.

This blog place is a good start in knowing yourself alittle bit better. For its done me a WORLD of good here too!

You have a nice Blog and keep up the good work. I enjoyed reading it! Have a Great Weekend!


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