Random thought  

Sweetgenie_girl 41F
326 posts
10/21/2005 11:26 am

Last Read:
8/26/2006 9:35 am

Random thought

Ok I have to admit it; I have developed a friendship with an 18-year-old girl. Not only that but I quite enjoy her company too. “Kathy” joined my job over the summer. As soon as she arrived, all the other girls instantly dislike her. What’s not to dislike? “Katy” is a beautiful, tall, sexy girl. Her looks are so irresistible they are almost cartoonish. She has long, silky brown hair, big, curious brown eyes, with lashes a mile long, a pinch for a nose, beautiful heart-shaped lips and a permanent tan. What makes is worst is that she is totally unaware of her sex appeal and the effect that she has on men. I’ve seen men bump into walls; break their necks and trip over their shoelaces because they couldn’t keep their eyes off her. Once we were walking together down a busy intersection and the girl nearly caused an accident!

Anyway, being the confident woman that I am, I didn’t allow myself to judge her before getting to know her. Since I was responsible for training her, it wasn’t long until we got to know each other. Turns out we went to the same high school. Of course, while she celebrated her graduation last June, I celebrated my 12-year graduation anniversary!!! So we compared notes and soon she was confiding more in me: her parent’s divorce, her problems with her mom and boys, boys, boys! “Kathy” as it turns out is totally hooked on boys. When she started at my job she was nursing a broken heart. The boy she had a summer fling with, went back to his country and she missed him terribly. Then, a few weeks later, she started seriously crushing on one of her neighbors. But it wasn’t long until she started dating one of the guys at work, only for him to break her heart a few weeks later. Through all this time, I was her confidant. She would ask me for my opinion, my advice, cry on my shoulder when she was hurt and when she was about to have sex for the first time, she came to me about her concerns and I told her how to be safe.

And I soon discover the reason why I enjoy her so much. She is everything I have never been but secretly wish I was. “Kathy” is honest and open with her feelings, allows herself to be vulnerable, is hopelessly romantic, and believes in everlasting love. She knows how she wants to be treated and loves being the center of attention in a relationship. She falls in love quickly and falls hard. It sounds funny to say but I really find her attitude refreshing.

I didn’t grow up around love. My parents divorced when I was only 6. My mom, who pretty much struggled to keep it together throughout my childhood, raised me. She never remarried or dated. She also suffered from chronic depression. Other couples around me didn’t give me much hope either. One of my mom’s sisters stayed with a man who treated her like dirt and cheated on her. My other aunt is still in a loveless (and sexless) marriage “for the sake of the kids”. I’ve seen some of my strong female friends become “dick whipped” in their relationships. I’ve seen women, like my mom, fall apart when their men left them. So I soon learn to be tough, in my mind I thought no way would I let a man have that kind of power over me. Instead of being concern about finding a man, I focus on school, my career, other activities but never on men. When guys try to approach me, I always gave them a difficult time and still do today. And I only let a few guys get close to me.

Some good things came out of this attitude, for example I don’t base my self-worth on how men view me. I’m independent, strong and believe I hold the power to make my life the best it can be. But I also know that there are some bad things too. I don’t get attached easily, I’m resistant at developing feelings for someone, I’m cynical and distrusting and I have been accused more than one of being “emotionally unavailable”. My attitude has cost me a relationship with a genuine good man.

Sometimes I listen to “Kathy” and I think, “gee how innocent is she!?! Wait until she finds out that love isn’t as pinkish as she makes it out to be”. A lot of time, I just want to beat the truth into her. But then I think why take away the innocence, why take away from her the worship she has for love? Besides, I’m starting to think that it might not be so bad to think of love as the most beautiful feeling in the world. To have your heart skip a beat when you see the object of your affection. To sing tacky love songs, when you’re feeling amorous. To mindlessly doodle his/her name on a piece of paper with flowers and hearts around it. To not be afraid of saying I Love You. To think you’ll be together forever even if it’s only been two weeks since you’ve been dating.

She’s only 18 so she has time to find out the good… and the ugly side of love. And if she never finds the ugly side…then good for her!

smileguyqc 53M

10/21/2005 12:40 pm

Really nice post... I think both men and women need to have a lot of the attitude that you possess, strong and confident. As you say, life can be very sad and frustrating if you sit around waiting for someone else to make it happen for you. Even so I think there is a place for love and when the time is right, you’re going to have to trust and let someone in. Nice that you are so accepting of someone so different from yourself and that you are thinking, maybe she is just a little bit right.

1586 posts
10/21/2005 7:29 pm

Sweetgenie -

Great post.

Funny you should mention this because a young intern at my office has kind of adopted me as a surrogate big sister.

Sometimes I wonder why she's coming to me because I feel like I'm still sixteen and don't know anything. LOL

"Kathy" is very lucky to have a friend like you with your insight and intelligence.

I really believe that the universe puts people together for a reason.

Sweetgenie_girl 41F

10/22/2005 12:08 pm

smileguygc - I think you said it right. The trick is to find the proper balance. Give love a chance while still keeping perspective of who you are and what you expect from the other person.

DCE - Trust me, I have LOTS of moments on immaturity - mostly when no one is watching
But you're right I also believe that some people were meant to meet and become friends for a reason.

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