New Year, New Resolutions  

Sweetgenie_girl 41F
326 posts
1/4/2006 10:41 am

Last Read:
8/5/2006 7:20 am

New Year, New Resolutions

Every January I go through the same thing. I revisit the goals that I set for myself the previous year. I take a look at what I accomplished in the year and redefine my goals for the next year. To be honest, I hate that time of the year, because it always forces me to acknowledge the things that I don’t like in my life and pushes me out of my comfort zone. But, I find that it’s something that is necessary for me to do in order to progress in life.

So with that in mind, I have decided to suspend my profile on AdultFriendFinder. It’s kind of a decision that I took overnight after a few light bulbs went on in my head. I’m not a big advocate of self-help gurus. I don’t believe that people have the authority to tell others what to do with their lives, simply because they have PhD attached to their names. But once awhile, someone will say something that makes total sense. I was watching Dr. Phil yesterday and the show was on love resolutions. The good Doctor said two things that made me think. 1. That I should get real about what I want from a relationship. 2. I must get excited about who I am and learn to be the star in my life.

The truth is I dismissed those two things before the show was even over. It wasn’t until late last night that it came back to me. I went to AdultFriendFinder chat room for the 1st time, ended up privately chatting with a few guys. One of them was married, another was obsessed with my sexual practices and likings and another one wanted to pick me up so that he could “f*ck my brains out”, that before he even knew my first name.

And then there was light! And I realized “I can’t do this anymore. This is not me. This is not what I want.” I joined AdultFriendFinder because at the time, I wasn’t looking for a committed relationship. I joined at a period when for the first time in my life, I had clear goals. I knew where I wanted to go and was determined to take the right steps to get there. And truthfully, I didn’t want the “burden” of a relationship to steer me away from my path. Even though, I found AdultFriendFinder accidentally, I thought this would be a great place to meet someone who could bring sexual excitement in my life, all in mutual respect and great friendship. Someone who wasn’t looking for a committed relationship but still wanted to be a great companion.

But now is the time for me to get real and to acknowledge what I really want. And it’s to find someone who appreciates me for who I am. Someone who can have just as much fun with me in and out of a bedroom. To re-use words that I used on a old blog, I want “a guy who makes my heart skip a beat, causes knots in my stomach, makes me do silly things like checking my mailbox 15 times in an hour to see if he’s called. I’m still looking for the guy who makes me want to cuddle, cook for him (god knows I hate cooking!), put my girlfriends aside for the sake of spending more time with him. I hold my breath for the one who will make me feel special, beautiful, desired, wanted…You know that feeling of pure happiness and you feel like you’re walking 10 feet above the ground? I yearn to feel that.”

I’ve been afraid of commitments for a long time, mostly due to some unresolved issues and fear of losing myself in someone. But I think it was in Sex and the City that Carrie said once that finding a mate in life doesn’t necessarily equals to someone taming you, but sometimes it just means finding someone to run wild with you.

And I realized that ever since joining AdultFriendFinder, I have spent a lot of valuable time trying to pursue something with men who weren’t interested in my true worth. Don’t get me wrong, I have met great people along the way. But I now know that this is not the place where I will find what I’m truly looking for.

I’m still debating continuing this blog. I have truly enjoyed sharing my thoughts with you. And all of your comments have been greatly appreciated and valued. Starting this blog has reconnected me with my joy for writing. It has been a long dream of mine to write a book. I started a few years ago and put it aside when I decided to go back to school. Now I realize that if I had focused on my writings instead of spending so much time checking out profiles and chatting aimlessly, I could have advanced greatly on my book. So one of my goals for the new year is to focus my time and energy on things that are more productive in my life.

It’s with a heavy heart that I’m turning off my profile. Like I said, it’s forcing me to get out of my comfort zone. And although I wasn’t meeting someone to fit my likings, I thought it was better than finding no one at all. Now I realize that I went about it the wrong way.

So I leave you with one of my favorite quotes. A quote that always gave me a kick in the butt when I needed it, but that I neglected to read lately:

“Unsuccessful people focus their thinking on survival. Average people focus their thinking on maintenance but successful people focus their thinking on progress.”
- John C. Maxwell.

rm_txscorpion 42M
206 posts
1/4/2006 1:10 pm

Say it ain't so!!!!!!!!!!!

You were one of the very few people that I keep track of on a daily basis. One of the few that makes it worthwhile to even log on to this site. What's left for me now?

Genie, I have appreciated all of what you embody (goals, attitude, and perspective). I DEFINITELY wish you much success in obtaining ALL of your future goals that you have. I know that we will stay in touch, even when you leave this site.

It's been a great pleasure for me and I am proud to be able to call you my friend. Take care and until the next time our paths cross.....


~The Scorpion King~

homme_514 37M

1/4/2006 5:06 pm

Hi Sweetgenie,

I am very disappointed! Do not tell me you hate cooking???? How could this be possible? Cooking and eating are among the greatest things in life!

Your decision sounds like the right one for you even though it may not be as good for the people who read you. I hope you will keep us posted from time to time. Anyway who am I to tell you to go on with your blog

Among all you say there is one thing I agree with 100%. It is how we should spend our time to do things we want and we love to do. I have a few projects in life - one of them would be writing a book too - but whenever I count the hours spent in front of the TV and the computer screen, I can't help but be a bit mad at me for being so weak.

As regards your future, do not be afraid of commitments, do not be afraid of love, do not be afraid of life. If you are committed to someone you will not even realize it when it happens. You will spend lots of time with this person and you will only realize afterwards that you have "neglected" your friends. And you will also notice that this person will not prevent you from doing the things you love. This person will back you and help you achieve your goals and dreams. No taming here, just mutual support. Am I too romantic for this place?

I wish you the best and I truly mean it.

alex_200mm 57M
4960 posts
1/4/2006 7:15 pm

Dear Sweetgenie_girl,

you and your blog have been one of my inspirations. It's always been one of the first pages I've read when coming on-line, and I'm sure that you'll continue to write in so skilful a manner wherever you choose to do it in the future...

I'll be sorry to see you go, if you do, but I wish you all the good luck in the world with your efforts. I hope that you find what you're looking for, and that everything goes the way you plan it. And if it doesn't, that you write about it so we can learn from your mistakes!

Bon voyage on your trip into the new future, take care... and write...

Best wishes,

Alex xo

rm_feature1976 40M
8 posts
1/5/2006 7:17 am

I haven't spoken up before but have really enjoyed reading your blog. Always somethng in you writings that makes me stop and consider things in my own life. If you don't continue this blog but do post your musings else where, i hope you'll let those of us who really enjoy what you have to say where we can continue to read them.

Thanks for sharing your thoughts and good luck.

smileguyqc 53M

1/5/2006 4:42 pm

Hey good luck sweetgenie... I hope you find what your looking for. Gotta love Dr. Phil tells it like it is, I think. I may follow your example, been wondering if I really belong here. You know there are other places to blog... I really love reading your thoughts and insights.

Sweetgenie_girl 41F

1/8/2006 9:44 pm

Scorpion - You're so lovely. Thanks much. I wish you the best of luck with everything happening in your life and keep me posted on all the new developments.

Homme: LOVE LOVE LOVE eating but cooking…er…
It has been truly a joy to get to know, either through your blog or your postings. You know I was sad to see you stop your blog but I’m sending you vibes to get you to blog again…maybe through another forum? Either way, please keep me informed.

Alex: Me? Your inspiration? Er…Huney, it’s more the other way around!!! Thanks for being a cool friend and also introducing me to one cool Leopard! I’ll be seeing you around.

Feature: Thank you. It’s comments like yours that makes me enjoy writing and also makes me want to continue.

Smileguy: Hey don’t worry! I’ll come around. I gotta visit your blog for my daily dose of laughter. I also hope that you do find what you’re searching for, whether it’s here or somewhere else.

hugablebear2004 59M

1/13/2006 5:36 pm

glad to see that you put your priotity in order,congratulation and good luck

homme_514 37M

1/30/2006 9:42 am

I remembered this blog entry of yours so here is a quote about love that I like :
"Love is about commitment, compassion, being kind to each other, understanding each other, giving, listening, admitting when you are wrong, trying to be a better person, growing together and doing your best to meet the other persons needs while being okay and not demanding if your needs aren't always met. Love is not magic and mystical - that's just hormones and attraction - the kind of love that lasts is about decisions, hard hard work, and worth every moment of it."

The irony is that this definition of love was found on a discussion board about asexuality.

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