It's a black thing that I don't get!  

Sweetgenie_girl 41F
326 posts
1/20/2006 9:51 pm

Last Read:
5/16/2006 12:05 pm

It's a black thing that I don't get!

I was having a conversation with a White man recently. We were just pleasantly chatting, getting to know each other when he said something that pretty much ended our conversation. He said the one thing that I’m so tired of hearing. He told me “I’ve always had a thing for Black girls.”

Now, some of you might question why this bothers me, why I’m not flattered by those comments, well I’ll tell you. But before I do so, I want to say this is my opinion. I’ve discussed this subject with many of my other Black female friends and they agree with some of the things that I will say but by no means, do I want to imply that this is reflective of the way all Black females feel.

I’m proud to be Black. I’ve never felt ashamed of the color of my skin, even when people call me the “N word”. I’m also very proud of my culture. I was lucky enough that even though I was born here, my parents always made sure that I was aware of the my history. I understand the struggle that Black people before me went through, so that today I can have the same opportunities as everybody else. That being said, being Black is not what defines me. It is part of what I am but it’s not who I am. Who I am is defined by my upbringing, my knowledge, my values, my struggles, my failures, my victories, my weaknesses and my strengths. These are the things that define me. These are the things that make me the person that I am, all independent of the color of my skin. And when a White man tells me that he’s always had a fantasy about sleeping with a Black woman and that all he seems to see is the color of my skin, to me he is denying all the thing that makes me a woman, all the things that I want to be appreciated for.

Also, such comments set me back in time of slavery, when Black female slaves were sexually exploited or used as surrogate mothers to their masters’ children. Back then they were good enough to be f*cked and to take care of the children but not good enough to be treated like human beings. Now our days, I realized that things have changed. But, when I’m being told that I’m fantasy material to someone, it makes me feel like I’m good enough to get f*cked but not good enough to be taken seriously.

I understand that there is a difference with someone who is interested in me and intrigued by my ethnic background. I have nothing against that, as I am a curious person who enjoys discovering and experiencing other cultures. But, I find it frustrating and insulting when someone claims to be interested in getting to know me but keeps making comments about my skin color. I’ve had men say to me things like how they prefer to be with Black women because they are “hotter” in bed. I’ve had other men say that Black women know how to suck dicks better. As offensive as this sounds, trust me, it’s something that I hear quite often.

For some reasons, White men don’t seem to have a problem with saying sexually distasteful comments to me. Whether online or in person, they often (and I do mean OFTEN) come up to me and proposition sex within minutes of talking to me. Some acted as if I should feel privileged that they are showing interest in me, as if this will elevate me socially. Some even get offended when I turn them down, as if sex from me was somehow owed to them. These are behaviors that I find truly hurtful. They are the behaviors that often make me distrustful of White men.

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t want to generalize because in all honesty, I have met men who were authentically nice, respectful and truly interested in me. And trust me, I don’t want to put them all in the same bag because that would just be wrong. It would put me at the same level as the men I’m complaining about. But I am just like any other woman, I want to be appreciated and desired for who I am.

Now let me turn the tables on you…supposed you happen to be lucky enough to be extremely wealthy. You meet this great girl, who at first appears to be what you are searching for. Now supposed, you start talking and one of the first question she asks you is how much money you make? Supposed that after telling her that you have a six-figure salary, she tells you “man, I’ve always wanted to be with a rich man. Rich men spend much more money on me than other men”. And as the conversation goes, she just keeps coming back to the nice car you drive, the boat you own, your villa in Italy next to George Clooney (ok maybe I’m exaggerating a bit! LOL!). So how long would it be before you tell yourself that this girl is only interested in superficial things? How long is it before you realize that she has absolutely no interest in you, the person? That she doesn’t care about how you were able to overcome many challenges and make a life for yourself? How your family and your friends are important to you? That what brings you joy is putting a smile on people’s face? How would you feel if she totally refused to acknowledge who you are as a person?

This is what I feel like whenever I hear “I’ve always had a thing for Black girls. They suck dicks way better”.

Hobbes1025 46M

1/20/2006 10:49 pm

I'm not rich. If I was able to talk with a woman, that'd be a plus! I mean, let's face it, some people just shouldn't be able to open their mouths when trying to communicate to somebody else. -I usually put my foot in my mouth soon after opening it.
Personally, I have a thing for women.., no pun inteded! ..I'm just not able to walk up to a woman and say hello. I never know what to talk about. I'd hate to lie and make shi* up and feign interest in something she likes, just to "score points" with her.

How does that song go at the end of Grease 2? Now, I can be me, no more pretending.."

If you happen to carry MACE, the next time a guy says that to you, pretned to be looking for a pen and bring out the mace and spray him in the eyes with it! (or a taser)

Sweetgenie_girl 41F

1/26/2006 9:56 am

Hobbes1025: I hope you get over your inability to talk to women otherwise you're missing out on great opportunities to get to know someone.

As for the mace, for now, I'll just leave it as home.

Hobbes1025 46M

1/27/2006 10:13 pm

"you're missing out on great opportunities "

Story of my life, Sweetgenie! ..story of my life.

MercuryGurl 33F

3/31/2006 7:16 pm

I loved your post! You verbalize how i feel about so many things dealing with black women/white male relations. Its like, i am open to a man of any race, but as you say, its almost as if white men feel entitled to you by paying you a sexual comment. Its almost like, i think you are good enough to be fucked, so of course that should turn you on. NO...huge turn off...there are so many things about me that have nothing to do with the brown shade that covers me.

I am a very sexual woman, used to feel ashamed of this because being overly sexual is considered whorish to the black community, and to the white community its sort of assumed just because you are a black woman.

This kind of sucks because, since i am sexual and don't feel the need to inhibit that, its as if i am attacked heavily if i express no interest in some random white guy that has a "thing for black chicks."

~wishes that these jerks that do that "its always been a fantasy of mine to be with a black woman" would get over this superiority and feeling of entitlement...~

Sweetgenie_girl 41F

4/1/2006 8:16 pm


Thanks for stopping by and sharing your opinion. It is difficult for people who haven't been in this situation to understand it. After I wrote this post, a few people told me to "get over it" that "it wasnt a big deal"...but it is to me, since I took the time to write about it.

But I understand how you feel about being sexual...I often feel ambiguous about my sexuality. On one hand, I want to feel free to express it and live it but on the other hand, I don’t want to be stereotype.

Fortunately, there are people out there who are open-minded and are able to see others for who they are. These are the people we should be focusing our attention on.

Take care

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