I'm baaaack!!!!  

Sweetgenie_girl 41F
326 posts
12/18/2005 7:53 am

Last Read:
8/26/2006 10:59 am

I'm baaaack!!!!

Well, hello fellow bloggers. It’s good to be back in blogland. Finals were exhausting but are finally OVER. I have spent the last few days doing absolutely nothing and loving it.

On another note, I had a conversation with my cousin which saddened me a little. She was feeling a little down so I took her out for coffee to talk it over (you know us women are so good at talking things over) and we started talking about her life. My cousin is a beautiful, smart pharmacist. She was always the brains in our family because she’s the one who brought in the straight A grades from the time she started school and all through university. She has great friends, comes from a good family and caring parents who spoils her to death. As a pharmacist, she’s sharp and yet very caring. She’s goal-oriented and ambitious. She would have every reason to be a confident and proud woman. Yet, she’s possibly the loneliest and most insecure woman I know. My cousin always doubts every decision she takes, ranging from what to wear to what to eat. Although, she’s cute as hell, she dislikes everything about her appearance. She’s a size 4 hoping to be a size 2. She’s got beautiful shoulder-length hair but wishes for longer hair. She has issues with every single features of her body. She’s pretty good at hiding how unselfconfident she is but once you start talking to her you quickly realize it. And yesterday once we started chatting, she confided why she was like this. It’s all because she doesn’t have a man. I couldn’t understand it until she explained that throughout high school when she went to parties, boys never approached her. In college when her girlfriends were hooking up with college boys, she was the forever single girl. In university, when her girlfriends started settling with their boyfriends, she wasn’t even going on dates.

I can’t tell you why, my cousin has never been able to find a man. But I can say that the men who are ignoring her are losing out BIG time. But it also saddens me that my cousin would allow those men to have so much power on how she feels about herself. And it leads me to wonder, why as women, we let men or society dictate how she should feel about ourselves? I look at a lot of women around me and realize that my cousin is not the only person like this. My best friend, who has been single for a few years, told me the other day that she felt worthless because she couldn’t find anyone. I’ve also witnessed some of my strong female friends become submissive lambs when they were in relationships. When I asked a friend why she was putting up with a boyfriend, who was treating her like dirt? She told me it’s because she was afraid of losing him. That was despite the fact that she had a high power career, had bought her own house at 25 and with her looks, could possibly seduce any man she wanted.

It was hard for me to find the words to encourage my cousin. The truth is I understand how difficult it is for a woman to find a man who is going to treat her the way she deserves to be treated. I also know the pressure that comes from being a single woman past a certain age. Heck, I’m the girl who once invented a boyfriend because I was so tired of people pitying me. And I also get how lonely one’s life can be without a significant other. As much as being single doesn’t bother me, I have to admit that I do enjoy a man’s presence once awhile. But at the same time, I find it hard to comprehend feeling shitty about myself just because I can’t find a man. Maybe it’s because I was lucky enough to realize at a young age that my happiness doesn’t depend on anyone else but myself. Maybe it’s because, being the control freak that I am, I have always refused to give anyone the power to state how confident I should be in my skin. Because then it would mean that I wouldn’t be in control of my life.

The one thing that I was trying to let my cousin understand is that until she stops feeling so dejected about her situation, she will never be able to do something about it. She will never be able to develop the confidence necessary to make men stop and pay attention. She will never have the strength to believe that she doesn’t deserve to be with just anyone. And if it takes another 10 years to find the MAN who will appreciate all that she has to offer, so be it. Until then, she should still continue to live her life by her own rules and be happy on her own terms. I know that when I realized that, my life changed for the best.


homme_514 37M

12/18/2005 12:45 pm

Hi Sweet!

First of all its good to read you again. Even though the subject is not the most cheerful. But that's life.

About your cousin:
Why in high school parties would not she the one inviting the boys instead of waiting to be invited? Why would not she ask guys for dates?
It sounds to me that the key in your cousin's situation is the fact that she lacks self-confidence. She may be successful in her professional life but her lack of self-confidence is focused on her love life. She may need some help figuring out why she feels worthless whereas you say she has a lot to offer. Because it may be long until a guy invests time to dig until he finds this pearl. I believe that we live in times when a lady cannot wait for the prince charming to knock at her door and kiss her. We are in an era where people have learnt to market themselves and make them loveable. But to do this it takes a lot of self-confidence. If I am to sell say a product, I need to be convinced that what I am selling is great. Its the kind of same with your cousin. She needs to be convinced that she is a great woman before she dares reaching to others.

There are also people who are not made to live in a couple. Let me explain, I have a cousin too. She is 35 and I never saw her with any boyfriend. She is a proud single and I think that at some point she abandonned the fact to find a man and live with him as a couple. And her situation does not prevent her for living a successful life. I am not in her mind but she seems to be happy with her life. Her apernts and friends have tried numerous times to introduce some guys to her and she never seemed to find interest in them. I do not believe she is a lesbian, I'd rather think it's because those guys were not what she was looking for. There is a French word for singles who have chosen to be so, at least until they find their match. This word is "célibattant". It is the contraction of the word "célibataire" which stands for single and "battant" for fighter or fighting. If I was to turn it into English it would be fightingles. May be your cousin is a fightingle. She will not settle for someone who is not worth it. If so, she just needs time to meet people and find her match.

Anyway, your cousin will need your support and I am sure she can count on you.


Sweetgenie_girl 41F

12/18/2005 8:46 pm

Homme_514,

I know I can always count on your words of wisdom It's truly cool how you can analyse a situation. And I totally agree with your first point. I think we live in a society where people are always entertained and have short attention span. It's the reason why we do have to market ourselves. But you are right in saying that in order to sell ourself at the "full price", we need to be convinced of our value.

And unfortunately, my cousin is not a "celibattant", since by her own admission she is not single by choice.

And finally, it's so good to be back! You'll be seeing a bit more of me now.


smileguyqc 53M

12/19/2005 10:55 am

Hey Sweetgenie I love to read your blog, always something thoughtful, something to think about. You know its not just women who go through life like this. Men do the same thing, I'm not sure if it's as prevalent but there are men who will do anything to please a woman. To a very great extent their self image is determined by acceptance or rejection. Another thought, for those who base their self esteem on the acceptance of others, even when you find someone that accepts you and loves you... you still need to be accepted over and over again not just by "the one" but by others. It never seems to end, I speak from my own experience. Its an appetite that never seems to be filled. I have tried to think things through and figure things out many times but still haven't found that thing that you have, you are very lucky. As you say keep smiling, for life although never easy is beautiful.


homme_514 37M

12/19/2005 1:28 pm

Sweet,

It's my pleasure.
Oh and I dont want to sound too flirty but I will enjoy seeing a bit more of you So welcome back!


Sweetgenie_girl 41F

12/20/2005 9:52 am

smileguyqc,

I hear what you are saying. And I think it is human nature to want to be accepted by others. We're social beings but the danger is basing your self-esteem on other people's acceptance. One thing I know is that no matter what you do in life you will always find someone who will criticize you, so why not just do things that make you happy (as long as you are not hurting anyone of course)...

Also, thanks for the compliments, I always enjoy seeing you stop by!


ilovepussyalot01 41M

12/24/2005 3:35 am

hey sweetgenie,

u can tell ur cousin,that a guy can fell like her too. i am 30 and going true something like that,i am not a sisi boy,nor a macho,and i agree that society can program us like that,but u can tell her from me,that i think she is very nice person and has nice values,and that there are still gentlemen out there, we are rare ,but out there!!! she just has to show some of that innerbeauty !!!!!! anyways take care and i enjoyed reading your blog !!!

ps i just started with adultfriend finder, so ya i am a newbie,not 4 long
peace
pimp daddy ( i am not a pimp,just my nick name,because i always take care of people,and i always have the goodies!!!)


ilovepussyalot01 41M

12/24/2005 3:46 am

ya i`m back just have to say some thing more ,because i know your cousin is going true, we see everything that we dont have and juge ourself`s by that, tell her to remind herself of what she has and who she is,becuse she is awsome !!!!and that she is not alone like that, so i hope that will your cousin out,

peace pimp daddy


coolhandluck2 57M/40F
1 post
12/24/2005 8:37 am

Just enjoyed reading you and some of your past messages. Would love to have coffee one day and share some inspiring moments.


Sweetgenie_girl 41F

12/24/2005 2:21 pm

Pimpdaddy - thanks for your comments. Coming from a guy it's encouraging!

Coolhandluck2 - I'm glad you're enjoying the blog...it's always nice to see new faces.


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