leaving...............  

SweetWetSpot4U 46F
33 posts
4/22/2006 5:04 pm

Last Read:
12/14/2010 12:27 pm

leaving...............


so i had some choices to make when my old friend came back & told me he never stopped loving me, we had some great times we had fun together but our lives WE are so different, & when we split up the last time i don't remember feeling at all like i do right now so I know it wasn't enough for me to go back, we will be friends always but my heart is so torn & shredded right now from the most recent one i have lost that i have to make some new decisions.

i am contemplating leaving AdultFriendFinder i have made many friends on here & had so much fun i will still keep contact with those close to me but there are too many memories here it hurts like hell & its hard to take, I am trying to be tough suck it up & move on, but there are so many things that got left answered left empty. I try everyday not to think of him the way he looked at me, touched me held my face in his hands, & I just don't understand how that couldn't be real how anyone could walk away from that, then i feel that maybe i was just blinded & i didn't see that it wasn't rel it was all bullshit & lies & i believed it all which makes me feel like a complete idiot, so either way i am the fool, for believing in something that ended up hurting me soo bad. When others come up to me & say oh but you 2 were so great together he meant everything he ever said you could see it in his eyes he cared soo much for you" well that just hurts worse cuz i don't get how he could walk away, how he could go back to someone who made him soo miserable everyone knew that including him she controlled him & treated him like garbage & he admitted it to everyone, to that i say i just hope this time around she makes him happy because i want nothing more than for him to be happy even if i am not part of it, i don't hate him i forgive him. i still would like some answers though don't know if they will ever be found & that hurts worse, the not knowing & i don't know how to make it go away,

I try not to think about him but i took a job very close to him because we had discussed it & he wanted me to be closer now i am too close it hurts soo much to go to work everyday knowing he is only 5 mins from me, his warmth his touch, scent the closeness we once had. so now I just think its time to walk away, put on a smile for everyone hold my chin up wipe away the tears & walk find a new job, maybe move, take care of some things & never ever trust anyone again, i may have feelings but they will never be the same or this deep & i will never say i love you to another person again that word can destroy so much it was soo hard for me to say, when i finally did it was too much when he he tore my heart out & kept it
so i haven't decided when or if i am leaving but you that know me & know who HE is, please tell him I wish him well to be happy & real love i don't hate him i forgive him i know he was going thru a hard time with his mom dying & tell him i miss him & to take good care of my heart cuz he still has it but i don't want it back i gave it to him to keep & thats just what he can do love n kisses from his angel.. to everyone else i will be ok let me just smile & tell you i am ok i am good & don't prod & tell me no your not i don't want to talk about him anymore it hurts & i don't know why you cant see that or know it I know you all mean well but it hurts to talk about him just accept the answer i am ok i am good maybe i can get past this maybe i wont ever but what happened in the next few weeks or soo will be the deciding factor on if i stay or go
so i have babbled but feel better for saying the things i need to say that my friends are tired of hearing from me. so for now no more loves no more believing in lies n bullshit i just want to have fun not always sexual but just be with good fun people i need this being alone now anyway

Billy4utoo 56M
3 posts
4/23/2006 11:18 am

Sorry for you pain... But remember love is a risk...heart break sucks but when it's "true" love it's fantastic!
So tell him to fuck off and go have some fun!

Bill


lustcurious42 56F

4/26/2006 10:06 pm

I feel your pain. I've been there, and the journey back has been a long one. It's been three years for me and for the first time I was able to contact him about some work things and realized that maybe, just maybe, the hurt was gone. For those of us who do not love easily and love with all our heart when we do, you don't forget over night. I was with him for 7 years. 3 years after leaving him, I write this with him still on my mind. I think there is someone new in my life.....I'm still feeling my ground. I hope you find some peace in your heart. If you peek at my blog, read the one called Whispers of the Heart. And by the way, I don't know how I would have ever survived walking away from a relationship that I needed to leave without my A F F friends there to catch me. Think twice about leaving, even though the memories hurt.


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