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Out of your vulnerabilities will come your strength.
I don't know how to describe it really I just know when I feel it, the anxiety level goes up, eveything seems like looking at twice to see if it reveals anything different. I look at people differently, those who didnt seem like a threat to me or my happiness now seem like someone to watch more closely, I re evaluate my words that i speak, how, why, when, & should I say them at all.
Yet the words that I say that make me the most vulnerable & bring so much fear to my life leaving me not in control of its outcome, those are the words that I wanted to say more than anything, becuse i know they also bring the most happiness. The word, love, the feeling I have overwhelms me & is stronger than any fear I have of being vulnerable.
I know that once the word is spoke its out there, you know I know it, everyone sees my weakness. I wear my heart on my sleave for all to see I have been like that since I can remember, but just because I wear it out there doesnt mean I give it away or share it that easily or even let you know I want to share it.
Wearing my heart out on my sleave makes me vulnerable already, so when I tell you I LOVE YOU, you have my heart, felt it, earned my trust, & now hold it, what you do with it now is up to you, i will always give & share it unconditionally, thats what makes me so vulnerable, not in control, you can pull it out, use it abuse it & throw it away& that leaves the outcome of things not in my control, that scares the hell out of me.
I am facing my fears, right here right now with you, trusting that what will be, will be & you will take the heart I am giving you, the love i want to share with you & hold it close to yours so the two of us together will just be better, stronger, hearts, bodies, minds & souls in love.
I LOVE YOU M,
with every step into the fearful unknown,
I know I will find you, my strength.
3/2/2006 10:49 pm
Don't be scared baby. It takes me time to speak the words but they are there. And I hurt them.|
Love you too S,