Starbucks can kiss my ass  

SweetKinkyMeAZ 45
74 posts
12/1/2005 9:56 am

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

Starbucks can kiss my ass

Whenever I go in there to buy a simple cup of coffee, they expect me to participate in the “Starbucks Experience”. And if I order my coffee “wrong”, I get corrected by some minimum-wage-twit who couldn’t articulate their way home.

They don’t sell their coffees in Small, Medium or Large. NOOOOO! They have some pretentious bullshit names like Tall (which is small), Grande and Venti. WTF? Venti is not even a word ‒ it is a Starbucks word ‒ look closely at the menu, they have the word Venti trademarked! They made up the fricking word! And then they train their staff to not respond to normal words like, “I would like a small cup of coffee.”

They ask me, “You mean a Tall?”

Let me see ‒ I’m looking at three cups: a short one, a medium one and a tall one. I don’t want the tall one, I didn't bring that much money ‒ I want the short fucker! Read my fucking lips: IT IS NOT TALL, IT IS SHORT! Goddamn ‒ no wonder the poor bastards who work at Starbucks are dyslexic.

I can see it now ‒ guys, let’s use the Starbucks method for sizing up your cocks. Here, some poor guy has the shortest one, but we will call it the Long cock. Then someone with a medium-sized cock is now Mondo and the guy with the big honker gets to call it Bando. That's right - Bando. I made up that word and you have to use it or I will ignore you. And every woman/man can take pleasure in knowing that her/his man is at least Long.

And what is with these other Starbucks code words, like “With Room” or “Extra Shot”? How fucking pretentious is that? I even notice Starbucks Snobs in line practicing their order so they can whiz through all the special vernacular so, are you ready for this, they can order a cup of coffee.

I would go on, but I am getting hungry. I’m heading over to the local In-n-Out Burger to get my 2x4 burger cooked Animal Style. Later.

nevertootall4u 53M

12/1/2005 10:32 am

I guess thats why i DONT drink coffee. But if I did, it sure as hell would be a BANDO. . Good to see U havnt lost your sense of humor. Next time U go, instead of saying "JAG AR TORSTIG", tell them to "DRA". And next time U want a TALL, U let me know.

AlterNative58 58M
126 posts
12/1/2005 11:07 am

you have me literally laughing my ass off on this one...and this is probably the reason I don't go to Starbucks...on top of the fact that I can brew a fairly decent cup right here at the sister goes there every morning and she DOES seem to have her order practiced fact, I'm sure her husband has it practiced perfectly also

oh, and btw, thanks for the new Starbucks method for cock size...i think i might even be a mondo

great post

im_your_man77 39M
961 posts
12/1/2005 12:02 pm

LOL I think you will find that men on AdultFriendFinder have been using the Starbucks method for a while now but they will be happy to say to those that complain that they have your permission now.
There is a Starbucks probably in every third corner in Glasgow and I had somehow mananged to escape the pleasure of entering any of their premises, until I went on holiday that is. I had a 3 hour wait at the airport, what can I say, I got bored. So after spending 20 minutes looking at the board describing every coffee imaginable, I decided I would settle on a medium cappacino. Well the cappacino was probably only one of two coffee's on the list that I knew what it was. After wasting 20 minutes deciding the size and coffee I wanted, I too had the five minute discussion of why there was no such thing as medium. Oye vey all I wanted was a blooody cup of coffee and to waste some time in a relaxing peaceful way, well I certainly wasted some time but in doing so I didn't get the relaxation time and I probably did irritate some fellow travellers in the queue.
Who was the idiot that came with the idea to market the products in such a way that that it alienates and infuriates the 'uneducated' client?
Thanks for the laugh and for showing me that I wasn't the only one who thought buying a coffee in Starbucks just wasn't worth the hassle.

chaz1043 63M
8 posts
12/2/2005 11:50 am

You have an absolutely WONDERFUL sense of the absurd!! My kind of gal.

rm_xtc_2003 40M

12/4/2005 8:16 pm

Someone one has sexual build up tension to go on that long about Starbucks sized coffee.

75 posts
12/4/2005 8:58 pm

Babymagic Simplicity, Where the hell did it go? Five bucks for a cup of coffee.... that's mostly milk.. WTF? But hell, it's a fad and it taste good. Me, I don't do Starbucks, But the local imitation is just fine (actually better from my viewpoint). Atleast they don't argue over terminology or semantics. And Being on a tropical South Pacific Island where, if they wanted too, coffee can grow in your back yard, the possibilities are endless (Fresh Roast anyone..???? and I do mean fresh).

Makes me want to throw in "You Got Mail" again and rerun the starbucks scene 20 times just to "Feel your pain". Peace and Love.. ANNA ???

rm_mastersql 50M

12/5/2005 1:42 am

so what do you get if you order a quadruple bando?

rm_IBFUN4U62 54M
1 post
12/6/2005 6:48 pm

well YOU naild that one its all about preseption now adays not comen seance. I owen a restaurant and I am going to put a big signe out side that reads. " facilitate your bodaly functinal need for choloric intake at this food preperation facility" for the non PC corect non, non yuppy gang it means "EAT HERE"

plabothways 57M

12/6/2005 7:22 pm

LMAO... try this - at Dunkin Donuts you don't even have to say the word "coffee", it's a given. Simply tell them how much you want and how you want it. K I S S - like friendships on AdultFriendFinder. So, how about a large, cream and sugar?

gorenx 48M

12/6/2005 8:49 pm

Have you checked into having BANDO trademarked yet?

letsdoitsoonxxx 46M

12/6/2005 10:53 pm

Alaskans fought off starbucks for years, and actually had them banned for 5 years! Coffee is HUGE here. There were to many locals in the buisness here to let them monopolize the market, and they plead out the case.

To the auhtor: WOW maybe I do regret leaving Phx.! If your extensive travels bring to the Fairbanks area, I only live a 20 min. drive from Santa's House in North Pole. What could be kinkier than glazing Santa's house with our fun juices?


lookinforakitty 58M  
20 posts
12/7/2005 5:59 am

I promise to never refer to my cock with you that it is "grande"
I am sure my chances of meeting you would certainly diminish for sure!

lookinforakitty 58M  
20 posts
12/7/2005 6:00 am

I promise to never refer to my cock with you that it is "grande"
I am sure my chances of meeting you would certainly diminish for sure!
Hugs n' Kisses from Ole Lookin !

Novemberain62 54M

12/7/2005 7:46 pm

Maybe it's just me, but as far as I'm concerned, McDonald's has the best coffee.

rm_lkn2fk71 48M
23 posts
12/8/2005 9:12 am

I totally agree. I went in ONCE! It was cold, snowing ( that miserable wet kind), and all I wanted was a cup of joe to warm me up.
When I had my turn in line, I was lost. Yes, I was a Starbucks Virgin! Luckily , the cute barista(coffee server!) girl(the stores only saving grace) politely explained everything to me. So, after being overcharged for a Tall, and a dry ,stale piece of pastry, I take one sip of the coffee and it was the most god-aweful tasting vile nasty .... I cringe just thinking of it. Went right in the trash and walked the extra 4 blocks just to go to my friendly neighborhood Dunkin' Donuts where I just had to say" gimme a large regular and a Boston creme". Simple, short, no need to hire a linguistics expert. I will drink gas station coffee before I ever drink Starbucks again.

rm_RonieBunny 37F
1 post
12/10/2005 8:09 am

You are so right,I HATE StarBucks, me Book a Million so much better. Less red tape just for a cup of joe.

BlackSailorMan 51M
79 posts
12/12/2005 12:55 pm

I prefer to "grind" my own beans. Not the ones from Starbucks either. The smell of fresh ground beans is the equivalent to a fresh naturally lubricated vaggina. Awwwmmmmmmmm! Prelude to something wonderful. Grind your own beans sexy, you will never waste your time at Starfucks again.

SweetKinkyMeAZ 45
2 posts
12/12/2005 5:58 pm

Someone suggested I should get laid instead of writing this addition to my blog Well, Iike to write and I didn't spend an entire day writing it, and no, I really don't care about Starbucks and their coffee. It was a reflection over how darn silly they are, more than anything else.

By the way, I do get laid on a regular basis, so I guess in my case it didn't help

joeplt125 68M
3 posts
12/14/2005 7:45 am

Hello a cup of Joe here!!
I may not be tall or short or fat. and Yes I want a cup of coffee and a little 2% milk and 1 sugar to go along with my breakfeast roll as I to drive to work. leave a tip and I am out the door.

You are correct about the size. I am not sure, some how I must have missed the new way we growing up with the new coffee shops.

Pleaseeeeeeeee let me pull up to a good old Mom & Pop breakfeast coffee shop. Now that's coffee !!!!!!!!!!!!!

rm_sexydoc0070 46M

12/16/2005 5:06 pm

I think you should call it the Bando Bandito if its huge.Sounds more dangerous.

rm_terencej72 44M

12/18/2005 8:50 am

I've never been in a Starbucks in Glasgow or anywhere. Not because i'm some insular no-life git but for corporate reasons.

I read in one of the U.K Broadsheet newspapers that when 9/11 happened starbucks tried to charge the city of NY for bottled water used to clean dirt off wounded people.

Wether or not that is true or not i am not sure (after all newspapers have been known to lie about things), but i took it as truth and haven't given them my money on principal.

rm_tucsonman10 57M

12/18/2005 4:44 pm

Not only are you very attractive, but sound pretty funny too. My kind of gal....Love to meet sometime

SirEdward1971 45M

12/19/2005 1:13 pm

Here Here I agree I too have hade enough of asking for a LARGE coffee in starbucks only to have the dipshit behind counter say ha or what. Last time I checked this is America and we speak english over here so how is it that you work in a coffee shop and not know what a LARGE fucking coffee means? Then they charge two dollars for it and expect a tip? I'll leave a tip when learn english!

vengeur 41M
836 posts
1/14/2006 10:56 am


I was in Canada for most of last month; Toronto, to be precise.

Anyway, while Toronto does have a few Starbucks here and there, there are many wonderful alternatives. I would say the best such alternative is the Tim Hortons chain of coffee shops, hands down.

Aside from selling a traditional blend made from 100% Arabica beans, as well as a mocha and two types of cappuccino, Tim Hortons sells coffee in sizes with names that carry no pretentiousness whatsoever. The cups are just small, medium, large, and extra large, with no need to learn any special jargon just to place an order for coffee.

Tim Hortons coffee shops aren't only in Canada, by the way. There are now also Tim Hortons locations in 10 American states.

calif_guy1 50M

1/16/2006 7:43 pm

I agree about Starbucks being bullshit, but however they stole the word Venti from the Italians which means the number 20, 20 oz. I suspect,maybe I should sue for the trademark. Since it is not a word they invented.Ask a starbuck employee what venti is, they dont know...

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