Do I have to choose?  

SweetDarlinAngel 39F
2088 posts
9/22/2005 10:34 am

Last Read:
5/4/2006 6:03 pm

Do I have to choose?

Do I have to choose only person to speak to, flirt with, meet, or have a sexual encounter with off of this site?

I would like to know if there is an unwritten rule about about monogamy between members. Once you meet up with someone, you are therefore obligated to only speak with or date that individual and all other individuals are otherwise off limits. If someone could please direct me to the section in the handbook where I missed this that would be great.

Apparently, I have over stepped my bounds by continuing to date other on the site after meeting with another member off of this site. (Obviously I forgot about the monagomy clause)Anyhow, I was curious if it is a blogland custom therefore to choose only one person to persue online from this site.

There are a select few gentlemen that have caught my attention. I can count then on one hand. I want to please them. One of them I have pleased and have been pleased by. The others I am dying to please and be pleased by. If this is such a crime - shoot me.

So, I am turning to you for advise . . .

Do I really have to choose? I don't want to, I want it all. Who doesn't? Maybe that makes me selfish. Please tell me your thoughts. I am truly looking to you for some advise on this matter here. It is not just the one guy who feels that I should adhere to this (unbeknownst to me) monogamy clause. I have women email me to tell me that I need to pick one! Pick one? Am I at an auction here? I thought that these men had free choice of who they wished to speak to. I am holding a gun or anything else to thier heads.

Please advise. . .

I'm left in a puddle of confusion here.


greatdate73 43M

9/22/2005 12:21 pm

I think you probably need to let eachother know what your looking for. Obviously, someone who's looking for a long term stable relationship will be unhappy falling for for someone who's looking to get their freak on!

There are actually 2 sites that I have found that people can log in to and see your profile.

1 AdultFriendFinder - The world's Largest Sex and Swingers personal Site

2 - Sexy personal adds for passionate singles.

It seems like they have a different target market. One is for people, groups or couples looking for more than one partner, the other is for single people looking for... A relationship?

They just kinda put everyone in the same place, which is probably why there are so many bloggers complaining about getting propositioned by people who they have no interest in.

As for what other people on this site think.... Well, Who cares! Your here for yourself. Not to pander to somebody's supposed morals.

TheQuietGuy2005 54M
2386 posts
9/22/2005 12:29 pm

I don't see any rule that says you have to choose. As long as you're open about what you are and are not giving a guy, you should feel no guilt.

Now, whether the guys can handle it or not is a different matter! That's for each and every one of them to decide for himself

KMA5 40M
771 posts
9/22/2005 12:35 pm

Are these grown men? You have a right to be with whomever you want until a more serious relationship is defined. I'm usuall not judgemental but I think that letting the first lover's attitude sway you from exploring other options is kind of sad. Its cool that you respect his feelings, just be sure you respect your own needs as well.
You are here to find a new you and feel out where you want to be; not be forced into a monogamous relationship. The selfishness of the idea is just mind boggling.
I've been sprung over a few ladies here on AdultFriendFinder but nobody can force you into anything.

greatdate73 43M

9/22/2005 12:55 pm

Well, I guess my previous post was deleted by the powers that be.

The point of my post was... Do what makes you happy, and communicate with the people you meet.

Somebody who is looking for a committed relationship will probably not be happy with somebody who's looking to get their freak on. As far as people passing judgement on you for doing what you want. I don't think anybody around here can claim superior morality.

SweetDarlinAngel 39F
2996 posts
9/22/2005 1:29 pm

greatdate73 thanks for the advise. You know I thought that by starting out my profile in a very honest an open way and stating I was engaged would flag to these gentlemen that I was not up for a long term commitment. I already had one of those. Thank you. I would like to meet people, but as far as being tied to one person on this site, it kind of creeps me out that I am keep getting guilt trips from one particular person I met with as well as other site members for not settling to one person. Thank you for your insight on this GD73. It was very well apreciated!

TheQuietGuy2005 thanks for making it sound as though these guys are able to think for themselves. I was pretty certain that most of them did. I really appreciate you validating that for me.

KMA5 It is my understanding that all members of this site are adults. Hence my confusion. I am a very nice girl, (believe it or not despite my promiscious blogs and tribulation at the moment) and tend to take people feelings into consideration in everything I do. I don't want to intentionally cause some else duress or hurt someone else's feelings. But I don't think that I should have to date someone just to make them feel all warm and fuzzy either. Thanks for your viewpoint. It was well appreciated!

TxCelts I appreciate the anecdote. It's nice to know that I am not the only female out here that is dealing with thesesame issues. I mean, when the men of this site out number the women almost 7 to 1, I can understand how it would be selfish of me to keep a bunch of men strung along, but these men are free to date whomever they choose as well.



ironhorse457 32M
8 posts
9/22/2005 6:53 pm


digdug41 49M

9/22/2005 7:31 pm

I dont see no ring on dem fingers! angel do you ,straight like that you just got to tell these dudes dont catch no feelings just a hard on and see you when I see you, see your attitude towards this site is that like a guys but see guys ego's are fragile and when they get with you they feel like yeah I got this one sown up when in all reality it's not the case it was just a good time so just make it known how you get down and if they cant respect that then tell'em git ta steppin thats all before it goes any further I like your style but my jimmy 's not long enough to reach out and touch you from nyc lmao nah j/k do your thing girlfriend you'll be alright

roaming the cyber streets of blogland

bedroomice2003 44M

9/22/2005 11:48 pm

I'll never understand how some people can get so clingy and needy after just a few weeks of e-mail and one or two encounters. I suppose with people as wonderful as Angel, it's difficult not to be at least a little attached (I am), but some boys and girls should really stop whining and share the love. That's why we got onto this website in the first place!

SweetDarlinAngel 39F
2996 posts
9/23/2005 10:17 am

ironhorse457 I've often prided myself on trying to be as honest as possible. Thanks for support.

sprocket7472 ya know "luv" it's always nice to get your perpective on things. Even when it comes from on top of your soap box. Regardless of how long winded you feel it was.

digdug41 hey there my NYC friend indeed... I can always count on you to have my back, plus a few words of wisdom. But keep in mind, there is a ring on this finger, it just doesn't belong to the gentlemen from site.

bedroomice2003 there is a special place for you in my heart sweetie, and if forced to choose, I'd think you would be the last one I would let go. There is a special bond we have, but I don't want to have to choose to let the others go. Thank you for always understanding. You are so wonderful to me. By the way, Wednesday was incredible, I hope you don't mind that I shared it with blogland...


88MARS 42M  
17 posts
9/23/2005 10:59 am

No need to chose if you don't want too, after all it's your life

SweetDarlinAngel 39F
2996 posts
9/23/2005 11:27 am

88MARS where you been sweetheart! we need to get together again. I miss you honey. Thank you for the words of encouragement too. We'll gettogether again soon I'm sure. I'm thinking of you.



rm_ericingeneva 39M

9/23/2005 11:39 am

I think people here need to discuss this issue more before they hook up. Personally I feel safer if the girl I'm fucking is only fucking me. But I can count on 1 finger the number of relationships I've had where no outside fucking was going on. And the girl from that relationship was obcessed with me in the scary way.

I say do what you want just make sure the guys know upfront what your stand is. If he did know up front then dude has some issues... if he didn't I have to say you should have made it clear to him.

AmberSolaire 42M

9/23/2005 12:55 pm

What made you choose thar photo to put on your profile.........curious.

This doesnt require discussion.This place is no different to anywhere else.You only need to be monogamous if you have told someone you will be.

SweetDarlinAngel 39F
2996 posts
9/23/2005 1:39 pm

AmberSolaire hmmm intriguing question. I guess at the time that I registered with the site, I had very few recent digital photos to choose from. It was the only pic that I had that was less than 2 months old, and did not include my children. Since then, I have gotten quite a few more pictures added to my library (but then, the site has given motivation for most of them) Thanks for your input on the monogamy, I have never hidden my intentions to date/meet men from this site. Nor did I ever promise to maintain exclusivity when I did begin to date.

ericingeneva I appreciate your viewpoint, and I have been upfront with the men that I date. They have each known exactly where they stand and exactly what is going on in my life. It is always best and safest for all involved that way.

Thanks guys for your input.


warmandsexy52 64M
13164 posts
9/23/2005 4:48 pm

Dear Angel, you don't have to choose, all you have to be is true to yourself and open with those you'd like to meet. There are no prejudgements about the nature of your relationships, just what you and your partners feel comfortable with. It is a self-testing and self-validating process.

As for the photo - I do like it. There is no other pic I've seen with the same pose. It has both character and individuality. warm xx

dano6332 56M

9/23/2005 8:45 pm

It is simply communication dear. Just be clear so no one is confused and evrything should be fine. As I tell people no lies, no drama and no headgames

bedroomice2003 44M

9/23/2005 11:33 pm

You know I'm always here for you, sweetie. Your fantasies are the highlight of my life, whether they're online or real. Of course I don't mind you sharing. I want to hear more.

SweetDarlinAngel 39F
2996 posts
9/28/2005 11:37 am

warmandsexy52 thank you dearest. I always value your opinions.

dano6332 no lies, no drama, no headgames. I like that. Thanks Dano.

bedroomice2003 what else could I possibly say to that but thank you. You share me. You please me. You let me please you. And above all else, you never ask me to change a thing. You let me share our experiences, you let me share my experiences I've had with others. You are so wonderful to me. I'm glad you're there for me. Thank you. <kisses and kisses and more kisses>



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