Selfishness...  

SuzieQ4U60 61F
283 posts
6/13/2006 9:04 pm

Last Read:
8/9/2006 7:22 pm

Selfishness...


Have you ever known someone, that thought they were a good friend to all, someone that thought they were there for their friends to depend on, rely on..... someone that thought they were totally unselfish?? In reality, they try to be a good friend and dependable and do the best they know how. Thats all one can really do, the best they know how. But, you don't tell someone you are in love with them...and when things get tight, time gets tight and there are things that take you away, things that consume your time...you walk away from that person you say you love, totally, not giving them a goodbye nor an explanation as to what is going on or what you are doing. Its just easier to walk away rather than try to explain. You assume they want to monopolize all your time, but have you asked them what it is they really want? Maybe all they really want from you, is a friendship. Maybe they see you are incapable of loving anyone because you are emotionally unavailable. But, you don't give them the benefit of the doubt. You assume you know it all. Walking away the first time, shame on you. Staying there, forgiving you and you walk away the 2nd time... shame on her. There are people in our lives that will need us from time to time.... and we are there for them. That doesn't mean you shut out everyone in your life but the ones that need you for the moment. Well, for most of us anyway. But for some of us, that's not the case. You become selfish, and walk away from someone-not caring if they are hurt, or if they are wondering why, what happened...what did they do to cause it to happen. They are cut off from all communication from you. They won't beg, not again. They go on with their life, without you in it, not looking back, not wondering anymore, because they won't let you hurt them, not again. They did nothing wrong but try to accept you for who and what you are....quirks and all. Pokes and tickles and humiliation and all. They thought they would let you down somehow, at one point... not wanting to tell you, living in fear and at times, almost in tears not wanting to disappoint nor embarrass you.... only to have you embarrass them by doing things in public that humiliated them. Life goes on, they move on with no choice but to do just that. But this time, it doesn't hurt as badly as it did the first time. After being hurt the first time, they hold their emotions and feelings in check, afraid they will be hurt again....... and it pays off, because you did just what it was they were afraid you would. You walked away, 1 more time.

chef953 63M

6/14/2006 6:42 am

I'm not sure if this was hard for you to write or not... but it cuts deeply. VERY well said. You write very very well and will make more people than just me look at themselves and not be able to avoid the mirror. Thank you! This is what I think blogging is really all about.


RogueAgent000 50M

6/14/2006 3:41 pm

Facing something similar here with a couple of people that I've know for over 30 years...have felt most of everything you've covered and know that the tough part lies ahead in what role I will take. Great post SQ...!


SuzieQ4U60 61F

6/15/2006 4:52 am

It sucks, doesn't it Rogue, to feel something for someone, and after really trying, it just doesn't work? I gave it a good try. I forgave and held on the first time he walked away. Now he's done it again. First time he walked away, I held on cause I just knew there was and could be comething really special between us. I felt it growing there for awhile, but when friends needed him, and they are pretty serious needs, instead of telling me what he needs to do, and including me and letting me help him, he just walks away again and is back to not answering emails and instant messages. I just don't get how you tell someone you love them, and then just walk away.
Maybe its not for me to understand. I do know all things happen for a reason.... so I'll look for the hidden messages here.
Thanks for your post!!


SirMounts 102M

6/16/2006 5:53 am

Well, after reading your words, I feel that I have come to know someone like that.
A very warm welcome to blogging, SuzieQ. *smiling*


SuzieQ4U60 61F

6/16/2006 6:41 am

Tnanks Sir.... and thanks for your comment. I suppose we run into selfish people all thru life. Its up to each of us in how we respond. I chose, this time, to simply walk away. I won't give him another chance to hurt me again.


SirMounts 102M

6/20/2006 1:26 am

Why, you're welcome, Suzie. *smiling*
Yes, I understand, and I couldn't agree more. It is not so much the problems that we face in life, but how we deal with them or solve them, that makes all the difference. Even knowing that some of those problems can be more... difficult, than others.


SuzieQ4U60 61F

6/20/2006 6:36 am

Sir Mounts, it is not as difficult this time, to walk away. When he shut me out, months ago, it hurt me badly...and I couldn't understand why he did it then anymore than I understand why he has done it to me again. He is just unavailable emotionally, and never should have told me he was in love with me, much less.... led me to believe he wanted a relationship with me. Life goes on. One day, I will find someone who loves me and accepts me as I am, without trying to change me. Don't you think when someone is in love with you, to them you are simply beautiful? They love you as you are and for who you are. This man didn't, so its best things didn't work out.


SirMounts 102M

6/25/2006 11:57 am

Why yes Suzie, you are looking at things just right, even as it hurts. Saying you love someone is not a throw away phrase, or a tool to be used to get what one wants. So, you are very right then, that it's best things didn't work out, with Him. Even as things will of course work out much better, for you. *smiling*


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