|Blogs > SuzieQ4U60 > Thoughts & more thoughts...|
We all know fear. It is the starting point on our path to courage.
Fear is a strong emotion. Usually, we are afraid of the unknown... at least that holds true for me. The last time I felt paralyzing fear, I was sitting in a dentist chair.
Now, I am not usually afraid of the dentist. I am not afraid of having a cavity filled either, not with the things dentists can do to numb the pain. I chew ice...and yes I know how bad it is for my teeth, but I have low iron and chewing ice is a craving I have due to the low iron. I chipped a molar due to my ice chewing, and it loosened a filling, causing me sensitivity to cold and pressure on my tooth. Pressure of simple chewing. I chewed on one side of my mouth for months, until I decided to go back to the dentist and have the tooth filled. He told me, since this was the 3rd time it was going to be filled, that he may not be able to fill it and it hold, I may need a root canal and cap. Well, I am not a rich woman, by any means.... so I decided then and there, I would not have a root canal and cap put on it, no.... I would just have the thing pulled. I won't invest that much money in 1 tooth. For days, I worried about that tooth. I worked myself up and thought about it so much so, I was having trouble sleeping. Thank goodness, the day finally arrived to go have it filled. As I was sitting there in the chair, I could feel my heartbeat quicken, I was clinching my hands into fists, I was closing my eyes so hard they hurt.... my muscles were tight all over my body...and I was so afraid I was going to lose my tooth, I thought I was going to cry. And then if I did that, I'd feel so silly, and embarrased. I kept taking deep breaths, but nothing helped... until he was done and the tooth was filled, and all seemed well. I left and didn't chew on the right side of my mouth the rest of that day. The next day, I drank some sweet iced tea, and the cold sensitivity wasn't nearly as bad as it had been. But the pressure of chewing was still making the tooth sensitive. The dentist said that would lessen as time went on, but it hasn't. I still cannot hardly chew on that side of my mouth. So I am left with a decision..... leave it and use the left side of my mouth to chew on, or have it pulled and be able to chew on both sides on my mouth. Common sense tells me to have it pulled...the coward in me says NOOooooooo, not that, not a pulled tooth. I am so terribly afraid of having that tooth pulled, I am truly not sure what I am going to do. I suppose after enough time goes by, and I get tired of the occassional pain from chewing on the right side of my mouth, I will opt to have the tooth pulled. I don't want to be a big baby.... so honestly, I am not sure what to do. I am afraid it will hurt to have it pulled, and the sound of having the thing pulled, I have heard, is just as bad as the pain of having it pulled.
Fear of the unknown is paralyzing me. And I hate it.
7/16/2006 11:42 am
If it continues to hurt my dear - I can offer assistance from Dr Fort's oral care program
7/16/2006 5:55 pm
A dear friend tells me that fear and faith can not exist in the same space. I also know that I sometimes use fear to jumpstart other feelings. As it is one of the easiest emotions to access, it sometimes serves me to be afraid rather than feeling whatever other uncomfortable emotion I may wish to stuff at the time.
Good to be back and see you writing so prolifically. You're inspiring.