Tales of a hopeless romantic and a dreamer.  

SuperNova92LX 37M
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10/15/2005 3:09 pm

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

Tales of a hopeless romantic and a dreamer.

I'm so tired of being hurt and let down... I've been enguaged twice now, and both times was let down. More recently, my last ex and I have a son who is as of today one year, two months and twelve days old. Everything started out perfect. In fact, everyone who knew us said we were the perfect couple. BULLSHIT. I have come to know and understand that there is no such thing as the "perfect" couple. I have lost hope. In fact, I will more than likely die alone with my friends coming around and hangin' out once in a while, with only my guitars and music to keep my company.

This last relationship I was in, only God knows what went wrong. The first year and a half were together, shit was great. We never faught or argued, we went to our first and only prom together (her senior prom, I got my G.E.D.)... Things were great. She said she hated her parents and living with them, and I thought we were ment to be so I would marry the girl, and "save" her from hell. Long story short, I begged her to get on birth controll because there is not any kind of condom I can wear. Her answer? "I can't afford it." I told her it was freee at the health dept., then her excuse was that her aunt worked at the health dept. and would tell her mother. I offered to take her to one in a differant town, and her excuse was "Where would I keep the pills that my parents wouldn't find them?" So, needless to say you see where this is going... She held me inside her one day, and later came up pregnat. First thing she says is "The wedding is off." When I ask her why she said she could never fit into a dress... What ever. Then she changed... She started abusing me mentaly and emotionaly, and every time she did she would say "I'm sorry baby, please forgive me. I love you...", and I figured it was hormones and was willing to over-look it... 'Till it kept happening even after the baby was born. I did everything I knew to do... I was nice, mean right back at her, and even told her if she didn't change she could go back home to mommy and daddy. She said she hated her parents, but when she thought she wanted something, guess who she called? And had to talk to them every day... Sound mentaly stable to you? Finaly one night in June, we started talking normaly and she said "It's all my fault. You are the only one who has tried to make this work..." When I told her I think my misstake was spoiling her, she answered "You're right. I thought I could do you like I do my father, and treat you how-ever I wanted to and still get what-ever I want." I told her she was wrong, and I was tired of the abuse. Long story short, she addmitted it was her fault, and I told her I was glad she was mature enough to addmitt it. Then, she went off... "Oh, it's all my fault?!" And I said "That's what you just said..." Then she said "Fuck you, you fucking bastard! I hope to God you rot and burn in hell! I'm going home! I'm going tomorrow!" I told her "No, just go tonight. I'm done with the abuse..." So, she took our son and left, in short. Been lucky that we were able to work out support and visits out of court though.

So, I'm starting to think that I should just give up... I'm to fucking nice for my own good. But still, a small part of me is hopeful that maybe one day I'll find a lady that can love me for who I am... I guess that comes with being a dreamer. Fell free to comment... But this is startin' to look like a book now, so I'll stop here. L8r...

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