The Worst Punishment  

SunneyOne 44F
2146 posts
1/25/2006 10:57 am

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

The Worst Punishment


Spank me. Ground me. Make me stand against the wall with a dictionary outstretched in both arms. Wash my mouth out with soap. Yell at me. Make me do extra chores. But for godsakes, please please please don’t ignore me. That has to be the worst punishment ever.

Being the oldest child, extremely intelligent, and rather precocious, my parents went through a wide variety of punishments in an attempt to get me to “act right”. Now and then, when they had had enough, they would just ignore me. It drove me insane. However, I learned to become increasingly annoying, incapable of being ignored, and then that would end. I think if they had any idea how effective that punishment was, they would have stuck with it. Needless to say, I never told them.

As I have gotten older, I see the same pattern in relationships. People “punish” each other for some perceived wrong doing. We look at or flirt with someone else. We purposely make our partner jealous. We withhold sex. We yell, nag, or say just the right thing ‒ a barb designed to cut and hurt. We tell our friends about whatever was done wrong. We throw things, fight.

But I think that there is one punishment that men are innately better at than women. At least in my experience, they have been. Ignoring the other person. UGH. Maybe it’s for a day, maybe purposefully avoiding a phone call, making ourselves unavailable, the silent treatment. No matter how it is carried out, the sentence handed down for the transgression is to IGNORE.

A friend of mine the other day said that his girlfriend had been snappy with him for a couple of days for no fault of his, so he had ignored her for the entire day, not called, or taken her calls. I could feel her frustration, even though I have never met her. I’ve been there. I’ve been the one frantic, knowing I was being ignored, aching for attention even if it were negative, performing for it.

One of my bosses is mad at me today. He is starting to get stressed about the amount of work I do that will be not done once I move away. He is panicking and trying to get me to change my mind. I can’t, and I won’t. So to “punish” me, he is ignoring me today. I caught myself barking like a trained seal in a bid for his attention. (Translated ‒ cranking out his work and ignoring the rest of my pile, giving him a very thorough report of it.) In the middle of this, I suddenly got clarity. I clearly saw his punishing behavior, his cold expression, the effort he was putting into it. And no longer did I have the patience for it.

I laid his work down on his desk and spoke softly, “Here is the work I finished. I believe you’ll find it self explanatory. I am going now to work on my other assignments, and when you are ready to stop ignoring me and communicate, I will be in my office.” I walked out calmly and returned to my desk, sure I had done the right thing, but feeling like I lost. I had lost his attention, his approval, and had given up performing in an attempt to get it back. I had given up control. Within 15 minutes, he appeared at my office to apologize.

Why can’t I do that in my relationships? Why have I not been able to step back enough to get the clarity I need to see what this behavior is? To recognize the punishing behavior before I respond, before my defense mechanisms come into play. Maybe this is the first step towards that, towards being my more genuine and authentic self.

elysianpleasure 47M

1/25/2006 3:24 pm

We ignore you... right or wrong... to protect ourselves not to punish you. We men deal with pain and suffering and your rejection and sometimes conflict by avoidance behavior... by avoiding confrontation. It is an evil cycle between us. The man ignores... the women gets angry... the man comes back to try and reconsile... the women strikes out... the man goes back into his shell. Well, maybe that is just me.


justwhattosee 60M
182 posts
1/25/2006 6:45 pm

Liked that trying thing sometime work you never know do you.


rm_anacortes 74M
2850 posts
1/25/2006 7:21 pm

I CANNOT AGREE... FIRST, I ASSUME YOUR "PARENTS" WERE TRYING TO ACT IN WHAT THEY "THOUGHT" WERE YOUR BEST INTERESTS..

SINCE I BECAME A PARENT, I HAVE MUCH GREATER SYMPATHY FOR WHAT A PARENT TRIES TO DO.. REMEMBER THE OLD ADDAGE, "THE ROAD TO HELL IS PAVED WITH GOOD INTENTIONS"

THIS IS WHY I DO NOT AGREE WITH YOU.. YOUR "FRIENDS" LOVERS, WHATEVER.. YOU(BOLD) HAVE A HAND IN CHOOSING.. IF YOU CHOOSE THOSE WHO ABUSE YOU OR DISRESPECT YOU, THAT REALLY REFLECTS BACK ON YOU.

HOW ABOUT THIS?.. IF YOU LET ALL KIDS CHOOSE THEIR PARENTS, JUST ONE CRACK AT IT; THEY COULD PICK ANY SET OF PARENTS THEY WANTED, WOULD THE WORLD BE A BETTER PLACE?... I DOUBT IT..


keithcancook 60M
17841 posts
1/25/2006 7:43 pm

It's the "forest and trees" syndrome.

Once you stop letting your buttons be pushed you will find peace.
Defeat your need for attention and the stress will fall away.


lifes2short069 48M
138 posts
1/25/2006 7:47 pm

BIG HUGS

L2S


Notbigbutwilling 49M

1/25/2006 8:39 pm

You can only ignore someone if you are able to put your feelings, your empathy for them on hold.

Women are by nature more empathic and sympathetic than men so they find it harder to ignore, and harder to live with being ignored.

It hurts me to ignore someone. It makes me squirm and itch with THEIR frustration, so I can't do it well. I think about them. What they are feeling.

I have been ignored most of my life.

I used to be overweight. The bigger you get, the more invisible you become. Especially to women. And especially to the women who run jeans shops!!

However, now I have a secret weapon. Besides dropping 3 sizes in the last 4 months, there's a way to break the ice.

Make full eye-contact.
Turn to face them.
Step closer.
Smile.

If that doesn't work, shoot them. They're probably dead already anyway!


Luv2Lick0466 50M

1/25/2006 9:18 pm

Personally for myself if I see myself getting angry or slip up and not notice it then blow my top I'll back off,isolate myself with work or stay off to myself not talking much.At times I've done the same and be in a great mood just thinking.I would rather cool my heals before saying or doing anything to hurt someone.This has never been as a symbol or form of punishment towards anyone.If it were it would be wrong not to mention hurting those who love and care the most.
I like your idea though...............spanking you,bend over you've been a naughty lil' girl making that poor attorney suffer like that.
Take Care, As Always.......... See Ya'


Sorceror07 54M

1/25/2006 9:40 pm

sorry to interrupt, we have an emergency situation Something UGLY here in blogville... and TheLilFondler needs our help! please go to TheLilFondler 's blog and show your support... she's being harrassed and stalked and needs EVERYONE's help, now!

...That which does not kill me merely pisses me off!...


SunneyOne 44F

1/26/2006 4:06 am

Okay, so I get the ignoring to protect us thing. And I'm not saying this is EVERY man. Do I think it is abusive? No. Do I think that purposefully ignoring someone isn't healthy in a relationship? Yes. I think that communication is always key. Of course there are times when we all need to step back, but that differs from personally ignoring.

Sorcerer - She needs to report it to the police. They can do more than AdultFriendFinder can.


rm_SlickWilly67 50M
15 posts
1/26/2006 7:16 am

I'm sorry, did you say something?


AltumHunksUnite 53M

1/26/2006 7:24 am

There are times when silence is warranted, even in a healthy & stable relationship. However, when it is overused, it becomes less powerful.

And it has absolutely no place in the workplace.

Let me drive. I like the view


SunneyOne 44F

1/26/2006 8:02 am

Slick - Good one. I had to laugh.

Cleavis - Just a pet peeve of mine... I hate being ignored.


Fallic40 53M
1858 posts
1/26/2006 1:43 pm

If you were told that you had disappointed someone, would that be more devastating than being ignored? That was a favourite trick of my parents.


CaboWaboVHnut 56M
637 posts
1/26/2006 8:30 pm

Being ignored sucks !!! It is punishment !!! I'm usually the one being ignored, not the one doing it. Let me tell you a funny on myself. A couple of years ago, we were at work, we started at 4 a.m., went like hell all day, setting several meeting rooms, setting 4,000 chairs in one hall, {I work in the operations/event services department at a convention center}, barely had a lunch break, and started working on a banquet set up for 1,500.

Well, we weren't getting it set fast enough to suit the food service manager, he complained to our building manager, she came down and jumped our asses, pissed us off extremely as you can imagine !!! My supervisor and I were cursing her, the food service people, and anyone else we could think of !!! When we finally got to leave, as we went out the door, I said to my supervisor "I'm so fucking mad at her, I may not talk to her for a week or two !!!"

When I told my wife what happened, and what I said, instead of taking my side, she said "Well, aren't you a pissy little bitch !!!" Well, I had to laugh, because she was right !!! When I told them about it at work, they laughed their asses off !!! One of the guys, until the day he quit, would often say that any time I was bitchin' about something !!! Hope this gives you a chuckle !!! Cabo-One Pissy Little Bitch-Ablo !!!


SunneyOne 44F

1/27/2006 3:27 am

Cabo - God bless your wife.

Fallic - Yeah, that's pretty bad. Just the whole "I'm disappointed in you stare" that some parents do too. It's a crusher. It hurts, but it doesn't drive me as crazy as being ignored.


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