Playing With Fire  

SunneyOne 44F
2146 posts
10/17/2005 8:59 am

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

Playing With Fire


What is the fascination that we have with fire? With danger? I remember being 9 years old, at my grandmother’s house, and ever so slowly walking towards her antique dresser with a lit candle. I just wanted to see what would “happen”. The noise the flames made as they hungrily ate up the varnish on the dresser, crackling into the old wood. The heat that made me step backwards. The thrall of the flames. And then, that moment, that one moment when you know you’re in trouble. The moment when your heart begins to pound, when you can’t breathe, when the smoke makes your eyes water and you know, you shouldn’t have been playing with fire.

I remember as a teenager lighting pieces of paper on fire, watching the edges turn golden, brown, black, curling in on themselves until they began to flake away. Then blowing it out, to smell the burnt paper. The furtive looks around to see if anyone had seen it. And then, destroying the evidence, so no one would know. I had been playing with fire.

But playing with fire is about more than a flame, than actual fire. It is situational. I had a boss a long time ago who was incredibly sexy. Sure, he was married. And because of that, I felt that I was safe. It seemed like it would be okay to wear shorter skirts, low cut shirts, to flirt mercilessly and lace my conversation with innuendo. I just wanted to see what would “happen”. The noise of the fire was the growl in his voice when he talked to me. The heat was the danger in the tease, the seduction with no promise of return. The thrall of the flames was seeing just how much power I thought I had. And then, there was that moment when I knew I shouldn’t have played with fire. He was at my desk, flirting. So was I. And like slow motion, I remember the door to the office opening, a woman coming in who I did not know, and the look on her face, the slow realization. And all at once, I was burned. He was too, but that didn’t help me.

Of course that is extreme. As I’ve gotten older, and hopefully wiser, the flames don’t hold as much pull over me anymore. They are more subtle, a matchstick only. A spark. But that is enough to start more than can be controlled. It can be a subtle hint, expectations, a questionable decision. And sometimes, the fire is just me. I start it myself, on myself, and let it burn, crying that it hurts, when the whole time, I have a water hose in my other hand. What is left after the burn is fresh, raw, something to be guarded. But sometimes… the fire just looks so good.

justforfun13134 46M

10/17/2005 3:41 pm

For it is not the actual destruction it is the flame itself, The look of it, the feel of it, the taste in your mouth. The flame that burns in your head is the most intreging of all, to nkow at any second it can consume all of you. You think you have it under control and then all of the sudden you have lost it and you feel it as it takes over your whole body, and then as fast as it starts it is gone and you have to heal. My childhood was full of fire, yopu would think that I could control it. Somtimes it is just not ment to be controled.


SunneyOne 44F

10/17/2005 5:36 pm

Some things aren't meant to be controlled, you're right. And sometimes, it's best that way. I'm looking forward to a slow burn.


enslavednymph 39F
28 posts
10/18/2005 7:49 am

Just wanted to drop you a line, honey. I'd been out of the loop for awhile, but thankfully life is returning to normalcy. It took me nearly half an hour to read everything you've posted, but it was worth it. Just wish I could eat you up...

Vars


SunneyOne 44F

10/18/2005 9:53 am

Vars punkin!! Damnit I missed you! Sorry you've been under the weather, but it is good to have you back. Glad you enjoyed the reading as well. As for eating me up, mmmm, only if I can return the favor.


SirMounts 102M

10/19/2005 6:12 am

Through the eons of our development as human beings, nature has instilled in us the innate ability and requisite skills to protect ourselves from danger. With the advent of civilization, those abilities and skills are far less required, yet still exist. So, there seems to be a certain... need, to somehow find a way to exercise them. To put oneself in harm's way, in a way, while at the same time maintaining a level of actual safety. That is why, for instance, that roller-coaster rides can be such a "thrill" for us. And that too may be a reason for the fascination with... fire. Literally and figuratively.


LovableEclectic 59F

10/21/2005 3:55 pm

Wow. Very deep. As if I should be surprised...I mean, you wrote it.

I think, often, we have convinced ourselves that we need something more. It would probably be more accurate to believe reality - we merely want something more. We have allowed ourselves to grow bored with all things familiar and comfortable and safe. We no longer marvel at the blessings in our lives. So we go on a hunt of sorts. Something sparkly and new catches our eye. We stop...examine...try to imagine how it would change our existence to incorporate it into our lives for what it is. Then for what it could be. We are such creative creatures. Yes, it caught my eye. How does it feel? Taste? Smell? And if "it" is just out of our grasp - it becomes even more attractive to us. If others seem to notice its glitter we find ourselves jockeying for position to obtain this new-found prize. If it is considered taboo then Goddammit I have to have it! It's human nature to do all in our power to have that one thing that is so incredibly alluring to us, and all around us. What we do with our desires for that "fire" depends on many things - mainly our judgement. As a kid we aren't equipt with the tools necessary to distinguish between that which is needed and that which is wanted. But we mature and learn and are held accountable for the choices we make. And we are expected to see the "fire" for what it is...beautiful, exciting, but dangerous at times. I think we all have a yearning for the novel and outwardly exciting - but most of us have learned through time and experience that all that glitters is not gold. Choose your conquests wisely.


rm_Thumper9871 45M

10/21/2005 9:27 pm

Fire..... Wow, that's a subject that strikes close to my heart. Fire is a lot like a woman. It can leave you feeling satisfied, hurt, scared, HOT, and tired. Fire, as with women, must be handled with care and respect. Not because of the obvious, but the not so obvious. Fire can drain you emotionally, financially, and physically. It all depends on what your intent is. If handled properly fire can be good, just as a well handled and well taken care of woman is good. If mishandled or mistreated..... Look out, it will get you. And inevitably, the fire will win.


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