SunneyOne 44F
2146 posts
10/2/2005 11:08 am

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm


One of my boss's favorite sayings is that perception is 99% of reality. That what we perceive to be true, we make true, in our own minds. No where is this clearer than on this site. We draw mental pictures, fantasies, of each other from the snippets of information we are provided. From a face picture, we draw out what we fantasize their body to be. From a torso shot, we imagine their legs. From a few words, we paint pictures of their personality.

Unfortunately, we are usually far from the truth. It seems we imagine the best in people, the most beautiful, the most interesting. We imagine curvaceous goddesses with perfect manicures and skin, silky hair, demure smiles, and wicked oral skills. We never think that her hips are a bit big, her belly too round, her nail is chipped, her hair a bit flat. We hold each other to these high standards of being that are basically inattainable. And why?

Is it because they have led us to believe this is how they are? Or is it because we lead ourselves to believe it? Perhaps they have put forth their best effort, their best and most flattering pictures, they edited their writing. Perhaps they downplay their flaws.

Why would they do that? Simple. Darwinism. Survival of the species. Natural selection. We all want to be thought of as beautiful, special, unique and loved. But at the same time, we all want someone to know us for who we really are and to feel that way. While the kind words of someone in a faraway country who believe they know me from my writing are sweet, and do touch me, they would pale in comparison to the honest touch of someone who sees my imperfections.

Try to remember as you are here, reading my blog, the blogs of others, their profiles, that we are all people. And we have no idea what is going on in the other person's life, what pain they go through, what they deal with on a daily basis, what makes them truly laugh. But most of all, we're all just people, and no one is perfect. Not the prettiest face, the most perfect body, or the most well written. We all have our faults, and maybe, if we acknowledge that, and realize that about other people, we can be more accepting of them.

toothysmile 50M
16514 posts
10/2/2005 12:59 pm

What you are referring to is a fundamental difference between reality and imagination.
If you show me only a torso, then I will imagine the rest of the body. [but that is exactly what whoever is showing only the torso wants- I, for example am showing only my smile...].

But the truth is that, regardless of how you perceive it, there is only one body that completes that torso [...and only one face that goes with my smile].

Being a devout classicist, I believe that there is one truth, one ideal [it does exist...], and the sooner we face it the better. Still, I will happily discuss opposing views.

Wonderful topic, thanks for bringing it up...

justforfun13134 46M

10/2/2005 3:07 pm

I think it is a flaw in the computer age sociaty. I think that the imperfections are what make people real. The great thing about the computer is you can meet people for who they are in there mind and then you meet for what they look like. The great thing is if there is a connection in one or the other, or both that is were you start from. I do not agree with a part of what you said, I don't thing your perseption is as for from the truth as you might think.

digdug41 49M

10/2/2005 4:09 pm

you bring up a valid point sunney I guess thats why people tend to get riled when there bubble of what they think you are is burst but hey if that person wants to put others on pedestals then heshe is just setting themselves up for disappointment what are ya gonna do?
I guess thats just how it is sometimes

roaming the cyber streets of blogland

634694u 46M

10/2/2005 5:13 pm

Perception is funny, I sometimes see profiles here and try to wonder what that woman looks like from the "fly-on-the-wall" perspective. What does she look like after a night of partying, with the flu or face down in a chocolate cake after a bad day. Sometimes taking the "edge" off of one's perspective makes life more real.

Reality is real, It's how people consume reality that developes perception.

hereforyou6217 43M
912 posts
10/2/2005 6:12 pm

Funny, one of my favorite malapropisms from a guy that I work with (who's totally prone to them) is "80% of people see with their eyes". It was supposed to be "hear with their eyes" (a statement meaning that no matter how good we as a band sound, if we look like crap or don't put out a compelling visual statement, no one's gonna like it anyway), but I guess there's a valid point to be made here.

You're absolutely right-- we are by nature visual, at least when it comes to attraction. We look, and many of us make a snap decision as to whether or not we're attracted to the person. And it's difficult to escape that initial impression. It's why it takes me five or six tries to get a new profile picture before one is acceptable. We tend to discount the other senses when we're on this site looking for people to play with.

It's funny, too, thinking about a line from the film Pulp Fiction. In the section with the boxer, the boxer's girlfriend says that she wishes she had a little potbelly. When the boxer replies that he probably wouldn't like that much, she says something to the effect of "it's unfortunate that the things that are pleasing to the touch aren't always the things that are pleasing to the eye" (paraphrase). We all have our "flaws". Well, everyone but me, that is. I'm perfect.

I think you're right, Sunney. I think we do tend to idealize the people who are here, and the more flattering the picture on their profile, the more we idealize them. But I think that what you said goes both ways. We need to remember that there are people-- real, flaw-filled people-- behind those pictures on the site. But we also need to remember that those people are beautiful and special and unique and loved not because of their most stunning picture, but generally because of the flaws they don't let you see. The heart of the artichoke is always the yummiest part, you know.

Wow. Didn't think I had quite so much to say on the subject. Maybe this'll make me get off my ass and write in my blog again.

SunneyOne 44F

10/2/2005 7:42 pm

I think I'm gonna change my nickname to "Artichoke". Thank you guys. It is nice to know that some people do deal in reality. 634694u, I like what you said about picturing them in those circumstances (face down in a chocolate cake). We all meet in our cutest outfits, with our makeup on right, and I dither about which shoes to wear when I go out. But behind all of that, I wonder if the guy that I am attracted to will still be attracted to me when I'm wearing a sweatshirt, panties and have my hair sticking out of a ponytail in 8 places. Just some thoughts...

rm_connor696 60M
834 posts
10/2/2005 8:15 pm

Well, but doesn't that happen even in "real-world" relationships? The stars get in our eyes, and we don't notice a lover's faults until . . . well, until we do notice them. And that's really the test: if we can put up with the pecadillos or even come to find some charm in them, despite their wearisomeness, then just maybe we have a shot at that crazy little thing called love.

In a way, the negative stuff IS more important. After all, anyone can love beautiful, hunky, rich, brilliant--all those good qualities. The annoying traits are the ones that separate those out just for themselves from those who might be friends, lovers, or both.

476 posts
10/3/2005 2:16 am

Well there are some good thought here.

From my perspective, which is 90% of my reality, all relationships start out based on inaccurate information for all of the reasons that have been discussed here. That's why I stopped dating. Dating is such a contrived ritual to give people an excuse to get together and hopefully eventually procreate. I suppose that there are those who will claim, that the whole dating thing is a necessary part of the selection process, you know trying to perpetuate the best genes and all that. However, in my case, it was an impediment to passing on my genes (I found it a lot easier to mate when you weren't so preoccupied with the ritual).

So here I am warts and all so to speak. I don't pull punches and I try to deal with what's real.

As far as how you see people online, it's all media manipulation. Those who do the best job of presenting their message have the greatest opportunity to meet. Those who meet the most have the best opportunity to mate. Those who mate . . .

So in the end it all boils down to a numbers game for the man, and a judgement call for the woman.

Sohere's my pitch, I'm attractive in my own way, I'm funny sometimes even if I'm not a stand up comedian, and I have an IQ of 130. But the best reason to select me is that I have four very talented and intelligent children (two of which are national honor society members). If you're looking for good gene stock I'm your man.

You have two options, your fantasy or reality. Who will you choose?

SunneyOne 44F

10/3/2005 4:21 am

Connor, you're absolutely correct. I just think that online, we are able to create more of a fantasy than we do in real life, more of a pedestal or high ideal for someone to have to live up to.

Hell, I do it too. I post my 10 Reasons I'm a Good Girlfriend and what I should post is 10 reasons some people may not want to be around me. But I don't. *shrug* I suppose I could, but I'd need a few martinis.

hereforyou6217 43M
912 posts
10/3/2005 4:53 am

Yeah, I knew the artichoke thing was goofy when I wrote it.

And is it wrong that the whole "sweatshirt, panties, hair in a ponytail" is totally sexy to me? Mmmmm.

SunneyOne 44F

10/3/2005 9:22 am

Gene stock... Ohmygawd, I am laughing my ass off right now. Not AT you, bossierboy, but WITH you. First of all, you have 4 kids already - do you really want more?

Anyway, you reminded me of how my mother judges the men I date. She judges according to "Breeding stock" guidelines. There are certain traits that she looks for according to how she wants grandchildren to turn out. I know what these are, and generally disregard them entirely, but it is humorous to relate 8 out of 10 to her, or whatever.

SunneyOne 44F

10/3/2005 11:06 am

hereforyou - Definitely not wrong at all. And now I know if you come to visit, that I can just wear a sweatshirt. No heels for you!

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