I Don't Belong  

SunneyOne 44F
2146 posts
12/25/2005 7:51 pm

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

I Don't Belong

Do you ever just feel that you don't belong? I think it may be a phase that I go through now and then which generally is a precursor for some sort of major change in my life, at least that is how it has been in the past.

I'm having one of those phases now. I should explain the word "now" as for the last month or so, give or take, in certain circumstances, in certain places, with certain people. Complicated enough for you?

I love my job, and my boss, and most of my coworkers. But, I brushed up my resume and sent it out here and there. Just checking.

I find myself restless and not quite all there in my interpersonal relationships with other people, friends and dating. I can't quite put my finger on it, just a general sense of not "fitting" in any particular role or place with people.

I was previously heavily involved with a local message board / group here, and I find myself distancing from it lately. It seems that the dissimilarities are more glaring than whatever commonalities there may be. Sure, I've made some friends, but the chasm between those friends and the acquaintances seems to be growing deeper. I used to post to the board a lot, and now, I just find that I have very little interest in it. Not sure why.

Home for the holidays. This is a rough time of year for a lot of people, I know. I thought that being here would be great, and in most ways, it is. But I feel like I'm sitting at the kids table alone. I'm 32, divorced, with no kids. It's like I am 22 in some ways; I should be in college or something. I should have an exciting life. Or.. I should be married. Or at least have a couple of kids. But I'm not. There's just me, and that feels somewhat disjointed, lonely, like I don't quite fit in a particular nook or cranny. When I am introduced, I find that the person is always looking to my left, as if for a husband, or at my knees, for children clinging to me. With neither, I feel like I should at least have a house full of cats so no one will question my craziness. I don't even have that. I'm relatively normal.

Normal. Yes. Decent job. Car. Nice apartment. Fairly attractive. No lisp, no obvious retardation of any sort, no glaring obnoxious habits. Even all of that doesn't fit. It begs the question, "So where will she sit? The kids table?" A 'single' doesn't belong at the adult table, unless you're on one end, like some sort of pariah.

Where I live, Florida. I miss the seasons. I find when I am visiting my family, in Georgia, I pick up my Southern accent and habits immediately. Do I not belong where I live either? Do I belong here? I'm always cold, and people say, "Oh, that's because she's from Florida."

So this is just an odd period for me. A time of questions, reflections, unease. I don't know where I belong, or what I belong doing (how's that for grammar?), or who I belong with. But I do know that I'll come out the other side eventually.

Hope you all had a Merry Christmas and found a place that you belonged.

JudeL5 46M
1550 posts
12/25/2005 8:19 pm

I can relate. My last couple years has been a journey out of "should". How things should be done. What I should be. What I should be doing. How I should be feeling.

Indirectly I have come to realize how much of it is about other people and their expectations, defining me, pushing me.... I do have kids, but am now separated..... not separated how people "should" separate, not feeling how I "should".... whatever that means. I have found that that expectations people paint onto other people reveals more about themselves and their own feelings and expectation.... it tells me more about them than myself.

I hope you find YOUR place!
Oh... and have a GREAT holiday.

rm_Ptalk1155 34M
3450 posts
12/25/2005 8:19 pm

I know that feeling.

Merry Christmas to you too.

Robnole 30M
1 post
12/25/2005 8:36 pm

Well SunneyOne, I, as well as many others, know EXACTLY how you feel. Often times within a group, those members that you think really fit in or belong actually feel they don't. Many of us have that insecurity.

Often times, people will under go an event that makes them question their beliefs and ways of life. This feelings of uneasiness and tension are often the first steps towards the path of revelation. This could very well be one of those periods.

Sometimes it's good to step away from a group for a little bit. Perhaps your just having one of those periods.

The best way to find out where you belong is to interact. Interact with society. You can either seek out intensely for a group or let it come to you. Either way will work, as long as you interact.

If you still can't find a place to belong socially, make one. That's how groups are started, with the start of one individual's idea.

If you don't know where you belong, where ever you feel safe is home, and if you're weak remember, you can grow strong.

As Winston Churchhill said "If you're going through hell, keep going."

You seem very optimistic about the situation. Many people would claim they'll be stuck there forever. I wish for you the best of luck and a Merry Christmas.

mygmyg 59M

12/25/2005 8:37 pm

Sunney, You are a beautiful, intelligent, lovely Lady!!!
Not fitting into one of the "Nook and Cranny Cubbyholes" of others expectations will make you feel out of place!
I am kind of in the same boat, 48 yrs. old, a full time college student, single, never married(they keep escaping), no kids, and not obviously strange(or i don't think, they think I'm strange!!). I don't fit in at school and as graduation from school gets closer, I wonder where I will fit in in the REAL world after graduating?

Being a very strong intelligent Lady, I think this is another growth stage for you, and sending out the resumes, will feed your hunger to continue to satisfy this growth.

Your response to being restless is very positive!!

Sunney, your glass is 1/2 full and you've decided on a course of action to add to your glass of life.

Being around parents, relatives, siblings and their children when we are single/alone will make us feel a bit dis-connected! it is only a feeling, You and I belong, we are a PART of the FAMILY.

Time to put on a SKIRT and model some BOOTS GIRL!!! I think you are WONDERFUL!!!


majordomobilly 48M
50 posts
12/25/2005 8:54 pm

We all search for a place that we belong. Sometimes it is easy to find and sometimes it is hard to find. Perhaps we would all benefit from stopping the search and just being who we are instead. No need to belong to any place or time. Just learn to belong to yourself

JNines 68M  
143 posts
12/25/2005 8:54 pm

I find this blog incredibly poignant. I don't know what else to say except don't lose the sensitivity, it's bvery attractive.

(Juan S)
2642 posts
12/25/2005 8:58 pm

Merry Christmas Sunney...been using your mewwy kwismas line...hope you had a decent day in spite of the feeling of not belonging...Holidays suck...I'm telling myself this will pass, so I am now sharing it with you...It will pass.

sweethoneysouth 37F
280 posts
12/25/2005 10:02 pm

i know the feeling. i love this post and posts like it because while reading you find yourself nodding your head in agreement. Saying yes, that is me. I dont think the feelings are inclusive to single people without children. I am married, have wonderful kids, a good job... But i still feel as if i do not "fit" exactly. I am intelligent but sometimes stay silent when i should speak for this same reason.

Maybe we should look into ourselves and find out what we are unhappy with because inevitably we are somehow thinking that this very trait we dont like is broadcasting to others.

Merry Christmas

softnlush 53F

12/26/2005 5:28 am

oh my gosh I read this and this pretty much sums up how I felt all weekend..I feel I do not belong and even tho previously I never had that feeling come over me so overwhelmingly..this year not only do I feel I belong no where..I feel quite unloved..weird for me really,I never felt that way before either.

This is not a 'woe is me' response. I think this past year leading up to what is now and forever shall be named..the Christmas I wish that wasn't ( a play on the movie the christmas that almost wasn't),was draining,not having a job for so long,then getting what I thought would be my dream job (long story why I no longer feel it is LO,not knowing how to drive to end up buying a new car,living with friends who are wonderful,but still have their own issues,to finding a place where I can rest my head (relatively speaking)without worrying about anyone else.

This christmas for me was basically like the last..my entire family is in NY and I just could not go(work and the fact that I really could not afford it and the last time I went..well,that was a fiasco)..and my friends,tho they try to include me,were going to visit people and their family and I do not know them and I just feel if I showed up it would be how it was last year..oh poor stranger,let us stare at her lol..

Just got an email from my best friend wishing I had come to the celebrations she went to..she knows deep down why I just did not have it in me..it is no longer a day that I celebrate. Since my mother passed way it is just another day that reminds me that she is gone. It is just another time of year where I feel alone and simply do not fit in anywhere.

Now to get through the worst of it...the dreaded New Years..I firmly believe that this is a "couples" holiday and once again I am partner less ...and sorry,the idea of no one kissing me at midnight just blows my deal...I am tired of bawling my eyes out at the stroke of midnight in front of a romm full of strangers that cannot relate to how I am feeling.

The one thing I know to be true about me..is when that day passes my happy go lucky self will be back...until Dec 24th 2006 LOL.

This too shall pass Sunney..thanks for this post..


AltumHunksUnite 53M

12/26/2005 7:44 am

Yes, it will pass. There's always a lot of soul searching this time of year. Must be something in the egg nog.

Let me drive. I like the view

rm_sixfoot3trim 55M

12/27/2005 4:50 pm

Wow, I have felt like you many times before.
I think its our wired culture thats screwed up, not you.
I remember traveling around Ireland and thinking how strange it is that you can walk into a pub and have a three hour conversation with a complete stranger. Here we are having a chat on your blog. You just can't get a sense of a persons nature communicating this way.

I think its the humor and humanity that you may be missing in your circle of new friends.

btbones2 45M

12/30/2005 2:12 pm

Sunney, First of all I was just about to post a message in TASA saying "Where is Sunney?". So I clicked in here, and now of course I see the problem as you have explained. I know the feeling, I fade in and out of the group too. Sometimes I like chatting with the people in there but I know I will not be getting together with them for various reasons, geography being one major one, but I have made a few friends that I have met in person. You know one of them, her name ends in "Naggle". Last I heard you two were talking. But that was quite a while ago. Boy then I read your blog and well, can I just sign my name at the end of it too? Pretty much word for word describes my situation. Would it suffice to say we both feel lost? Adrift down a river with no paddle? Be glad you have a job, I'm still searching! And I know what you mean about feeling like you should be settled with kids etc. My high school gang of 3 best friends all have a white collar job, and 2 kids each. I feel left behind somehow, but at least one other friend does not have kids, or even a girlfriend, or a real job, so at least that makes me feel a little better. Well just wanted you to know you are not in this boat alone! Maybe Lisa, Softnlush, and Cleavis and I will come over for a visit and we can have an intense psychotherapy session over numerous drinks, in a non smoking establishment. (I read your comment about Rudy's !) Well enough mushy stuff, tring to cheer you up, I have to get back to my own depression now... By the way, I'm glad you don't have a "lisp or any obvious retardation", that just makes your package deal all the better!

rm_corkyclark 58M
3 posts
12/30/2005 3:05 pm

Hi sunny, I think at one time or another we all have these feelings, after all when you get right down to it, we are all individuals separated from one onother by our intelect, we can connect emotionally we can connect physically, but in the end we are truly alone in this world I hope you can get out of this phase soon

piamatter 44F

12/30/2005 7:58 pm

Dear Sunny,
besides being at a point in life where society's pressures make you question your role, and the holiday funk that creeps in, have you gone for a check up lately? Not trying to make light of any feelings, i just finished reading an article about hypothyroidism and how it affects emotions, energy levels and circulation. You posted feeling cold and the timing of it made me want to share the info; some kind of synchronicity.

Any possibility of travel to shake up the daily routine?

Hope the New Year brings something wonderful and exciting to you.

hotwitch2 41T
128 posts
12/31/2005 9:34 am

dear sunneyone, i have felt that way most of my life. i am a hermaphrodite. i have both parts, they both work. i've been this way since i was a baby. i've been out of the loop all my life. that's one of the reasons i'm here at AdultFriendFinder. people are not as judgemental. it has also caused me to have the lifestyle i do. i know how you feel. if you ever want to talk drop me a line. 'til then blessed be and happy new year

good sex is good sex. it doesn't matter where it comes from.[/COLOR

btbones2 45M

12/31/2005 9:41 am

Good point Piamatter, hypothyroidism can cause many real physical and emotional symptoms to make you feel bad. Also at this time of year many people suffer from Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD), from the shorter hours of sunlight in the winter. This is something I have had a problem with since High School. It can turn me into a hermit, and I hibernate in the house. I'm glad we have passed the shortest day of the year, it is something to look forward to as the days get longer with more sunlight. Now whether Sunney is having either of these problems I don't know, perhaps she will enlighten us!
Either way, good luck Sunney hope you get out of the Funk. And if you do, please let me know how you did it, my funk is so deep I need a snow shovel to dig myself out!

MsLoveRose 33F  
2432 posts
12/31/2005 11:08 am

i understand!!! and i have seen that too many times

happy new year!!!!

live more, laugh often, love much

fun4allin2006 53M
1583 posts
1/1/2006 1:10 am

Wow, I can not tell you how I feel when I read your Blogs. I just keep thinking-YES! She knows how I feel. I wish I could give you a hug and just talk. It seems my best talks are with semi-strangers. I leave feeling like the world is just a bit better since I communicated with someone. Take care and remember you truly seem like a wonderful person.

2muchwoman4some 41F

1/2/2006 1:19 am

hang in there sunney, we are both destined for big changes in 2006...

toothysmile 50M
16514 posts
1/2/2006 8:15 am

my warmest smile...
my gentlest hug...
and my very best wishes for the new year...

Become a member to create a blog