Christmas Realism  

SunneyOne 43F
2146 posts
11/27/2005 5:57 pm

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

Christmas Realism


Wow, it has been a few days. Thanksgiving has come and gone, and it was lovely. I was invited to spend the day with a friend and her family, and had an absolutely wonderful time. Her family is so fun, welcoming and just wonderful. I was relieved, and it really made my day. But, driving home, I realized, it still wasn't my family.

Today I had a conversation with a friend who asked what I was doing for Christmas. He expressed a great deal of surprise that I wasn't planning on going home for the holiday to be with my family. (Home being Georgia.) This caused me to have some serious thinking, to really level with myself.

Here is what I know:
1. My family, aside from my sister in IN, is all in Georgia within an hour of each other.
2. I have not spent Christmas with them in over 8 years due to being married and spending it with in-laws, the divorce and just not celebrating.
3. I have 6 days available to take off work by the end of the year. I don't lose them, but still, I have them.
4. I have no family here. My friends who are here DO have family here. Families that they will be spending their holiday with.
5. I have no boyfriend or even a close potential for one to spend it with.
6. While I am sure I would be invited to my friend's house, it isn't the same. It isn't my family.
7. If I stay here for Christmas, at some point, I will be very, very lonely.
8. It would make my family very, very happy for me to come there, for no other reason but that I am their daughter, granddaughter, niece, and cousin.

So, after lining up what I know, I have decided to go "home" for Christmas. I called my mom to tell her and she cried. I wondered how I could have even considered not going. Sometimes, I am too fiercely independent for my own good. Sometimes, I need to stop trying to do things on my own, to make new traditions, to forge new relationships, and just go home and be with my family, in old traditions, in comfortable relationships.

This isn't how I envisioned this Christmas and New Years. It isn't it at all. I had visions, romantic ones, of finding a new love. Of romantic nights in front of the tree, listening to Christmas music, sex under the twinkling lights, of actually having someone to kiss at Midnight on New Years, someone who made me think of the year to come with hope and happiness. That was what I envisioned. But with a dose of realism today, I realized that what was more likely to happen was that I'd be here alone, or with a friend for a few hours, sad that it wasn't what I hoped.

So, instead, I will go home. And for me, that's kind of a big step. I've been so independent for so long. Sure, I visit. Often. But this is actually going home, and in a way, I see that as not so independent. But maybe that's just what I need. And I know how Christmas will be. I'll be with my mom, listening to her sing carols off key but with gusto, just like me. I'll be with her husband Dan, cooking with him after he's had too many beers and tells dirty jokes too loudly. I'll see my grandmother and grandfather for what may be their last Christmas. I'll go shopping with my aunt and make her laugh so hard she threatens to pee in her pants. I'll have coffee early in the morning with my Dad, and though we won't talk about anything emotional, I will wish that I could stay right there, forever.

2muchwoman4some 41F

11/28/2005 5:18 am

good for you! excellent self-affirming choice. try not to have too many expectations about it, just be your positive self and see what happens. at the very least you'll have something to write about when you get back afterwards. guaranteed.


SunneyOne 43F

11/28/2005 6:40 am

*hugs* Thanks 2much. The wheels are turning.


LovableEclectic 59F

11/28/2005 9:26 am

I'm so glad you have decided to go "home". I agree with Songbird - being with family can, and often is, much better than being with a 'romantic interest'. Enjoy. Merry Christmas to you and your family. *hugs*


SunneyOne 43F

11/28/2005 11:51 am

Okay, so now I wanna bake some cookies damnit. You guys are all getting me in the spirit. Hmm... is that kinda like getting me in the mood? niiiiice


rm_acman222002 56M
29 posts
11/28/2005 2:37 pm

you made me happy with your decision to go home for christmas. My parents are gone now but I still have my memories of the less disfunctional times. I know your review of your trip home will just be like a Hallmark movie!


noirfemme 44F

11/28/2005 5:53 pm

You are really blessing your family by going home. I hope your holiday is wonderful!!!

I also struggle with my holidays. I wanted to have a husband and kids by now but that hasn't happened. BUT, it is so wonderful to be home with family because they remind you of a love that will never falter.

All the best,

Noirfemme


SunneyOne 43F

11/29/2005 4:17 am

AC - My family is pretty dysfunctional, so it might be a bit more of a comedy.

Noirfemme - First of all... hello. Secondly, it sucks to not have what we want. May we both be a bit closer to that in 2006.


Tall01Guy 42M

11/29/2005 6:42 am

Good call, Sunney! I'm in that age range where I still have fun going to see family (two different Christmas trips this year plus Thanksgiving), but I feel like I should be starting my own traditions too. Better to enjoy what we've got now. And as long as you're able to laugh at the dysfunction - and I know you can - you'll have fun.

-Tall


hot4mamis 47F

11/29/2005 2:27 pm

Sunney....you almost made me cry just thinking about this. I love christmas at home - it just isn't the same without family around.

Home for me is Indiana but I've lived in Dallas for the last eight years....and only home every other christmas. It is such a lonely and sad time for me when I stay here.

Enjoy you trip home and your time with your family...can't wait to read all about it.

hot4


Tone_33756 55M

11/30/2005 2:18 pm

Christmas season is the only time where I want to be surrounded by family - and I mean ONLY! lol

I read about your personal visions of what you had in mind this Holiday season.

I think everything you said is wonderful and all good - but from January 2 thru December 23rd - EVEN if you had a boyfriend!

For me, December 24 - January 1 is family time, plain and simple - dysfunctional or not. Romance can wait 7 days. In no time, you'll soon have another good man in your life and everything will resume back to where you want it.

I'm old fashion about some things.

With that said, I'm on the opposite side here - At 44, I'll be spending my first Holiday season alone - yes, I'll be gratefull for some peace and quiet - but - I'll still be a little bummed and 'jones-n' for family time.


CaboWaboVHnut 56M
637 posts
12/2/2005 1:11 am

Sunney, Just when I think you can't get any smarter......BAM !!! You've made the best choice possible. While I respect your independent nature, sometimes being independent also goes hand in hand with being lonely.

Don't worry, you'll still be your good ol' independent self, just happier because you're with loved ones !!! Merry Christmas !!! Enjoy yourself !!! If I was single, I'd be willing to make a trip to GA, hoping to share the New Year's kiss with you !!! Since I'm happily married, I don't think my sweetie would allow that !!!

Hey !!! Just realized, I'll actually get to kiss her at Midnight this year !!! Normally I have to work that night, but I'm working days this year !!! Cool !!! Hugs & kisses Sunney One !!! Cabo !!!


GoddessOfTheDawn 105F
11240 posts
12/5/2005 6:59 am

~hugz~ and may your Christmas this year be a blessed one

choose for YOU ....


rm_HDguy98 62M
403 posts
12/6/2005 9:42 am

SunneyOne,

You going home is the greatest present you could ever give your family. Words cannot describe their feelings of joy that you will bring into their hearts by just being there. I'm sure later on you will look back on this Christmas as being a very special one indeed.

Merry Christmas from Montana,
HD


SWM_looking_67 49M
21 posts
12/7/2005 8:57 pm

Sunney,

This has to be one of the most heart felt blogs that I have read. Granted my life is 80% on the road and away from my family. Granted I spent Thanksgiving in the Mountains with my mom and family, and then flew back to Vegas to work.

Your post here has made me realize that Home is where family is, not where you live. I have just finished re-arranging my flights to be in Chicago for Christmas to be with my mom. I think I will just show up on here door step that morning and just tell her that I love her.

Thanks for reminding all of us what Christmas is all about.


SunneyOne 43F

12/8/2005 4:36 am

Awww, SWM!!! That will be the best Christmas for her ever, and hopefully you too. Have a safe trip!


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