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Bad Decisions By Ms. Crabapple
Bad Decisions By Ms. Crabapple
Some of you may be aware that Ms. Crabapple is my Office Manager From Hell. Today’s miniature post will shine some light on exactly why she is from hell.
Bad decisions by Ms. Crabapple:
1. Opening the office today. This is a law office. The courts in our county and all neighboring counties are closed. County and city offices are closed. Schools are closed. Colleges are closed. There is no trash pick up. Most banks are closed. There is a damned hurricane, you jackass. Why exactly are we here? (Clearly, I am a dedicated and zealous employee, thus my presence and lack of a good excuse thereby buying me extra sleep time. I have resumes available for those of you impressed with my amazing work ethic.)
2. Black bra / pink blouse. Seriously now. This is a business and we dress professionally, ideally. You are a white woman. You know damn well we can see your ugly black bra through your pink 1987 blouse with the white Quaker collar. And by the way, Jessica McClintock is on the phone and wants her vintage (and not in a cool way) shirt back.
3. Medusa hair. We all know that your hair is thinning because you are on some weird weight loss medication. Cutting it even shorter was a bad idea too, but we can let that one slide. However, gelling it into short, wavy tendrils, and then blow drying upside down so that they stick out like baby snakes is a bad, bad idea. It does not look like you have more volume, we can see your scalp, and if we look long enough, I am positive we will turn to stone.
4. Calling my (very awesome) boss to find out where he is this morning on his cell phone. Yeah, next time you do something so stupid, you might not want to be on speaker phone with your office door open.
Ms. Crabapple: Mr. Attorney (in her very sing song smarmy voice), the office is open. I am sure you must be on your way in, aren’t you?
Cool boss: Ms. Crabapple, I’m not sure if you are aware or not, but there is a hurricane that we are in the outer bands of. All courts and schools are closed.
Ms. Crabapple: Of course I’m aware, but we’re operating at full capacity today.
Cool boss: No, you aren’t.
Ms. Crabapple: Pardon? I don’t understand.
Cool boss: Won’t be full. I’m not coming. Insanity. (click)
Ms. Crabapple: Mr. Attorney? Mr. Attorney? hmm… guess he isn’t coming in.
5. And finally, the last (so far) bad decision by Ms. Crabapple this morning is screwing with me about my Out Box. “Hmm, looks like we have some work that needs to go out this morning, Ms. Jodi. Do you think you can get this taken care of? Wouldn’t want to slide on these cases.”
Highly annoyed Me: If you’ll notice, Ms. Crabapple, those are all dated today as I have done them either after 5pm on Friday or this morning. You may also be aware that there are no courts open today, thereby making filing these documents impossible. You also may have noticed that these things have to be signed by an attorney, and, what do you know, there ARE NO ATTORNEYS HERE! We are in a HURRICANE. What you may be aware of, however, is that I am obviously here and working, and should therefore be left alone, thankyouverymuch. And good morning.
10/25/2005 10:07 am