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Goddess Coming Soon Near You: Graduation is around the corner....;)
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May 12, 2012 5:34 pm
283 Views
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Should I leave Adult FriendFinder? Should I stay?
These are rhetorical questions...just lots of soul searching. The debate in my head keeps rolling it around like a piece of liquorice you would rather suck on than bite into.
I'm not looking for everyone to feel sorry for me. I'm just wondering if last year's pair of pants fits this year? Do I have high waters on? Do I belong here?
Got a message from a seventy year old guy the other day that read:
"I want to suck on all your lady parts."
At first I busted out laughing. And then it made me a little sad. "Is that all you want?" I mused. Is that the way you speak to a woman that you have never met? Don't you want....more out of life??
Then I remembered I was on a sex site.
But does being on a sex site preclude manners? And shouldn't someone know by the time they are a Septuagenarian what manners can lead a woman to do?
Manners and Chemistry:
..... might leave me with my legs up in the air and my forgotten high heels on.
....might get me to swallow when I didn't think I would. Manners might reward you with my laugh and a sweet stroke along your thigh... my foot--under the white table cloth.
....might mean a long, sweet, slightly moist and tender kiss.
BUT. I am on a sex site so when a guy messages me sixty times repeatedly and his message is 'let's cam. ur hawt.', then why am I offended now? Shouldn't I be pleased with the attention? What am I whining about?
I came here looking for Sex. Seriously. But now my needs have done a 180. I want love. I want meaning. I want all those scary things that 46 year olds should be trying to dodge from coming out of a stupendously long, arduous, rotten marriage. Run Forest! Run!
Sometimes I can be a little stupid...
Ah fuck. I have now found myself treading the precarious, existential ledge of single solitude for the last two years and three months. Oh to relive the days gone by when I could have no strings attached sexual adventures!
When I first left my ex I felt as cold as the icicles that hung off the gutters of the home I said goodbye to. I sought comfort online.
Sex was exciting. Sex was recreational...for god's sake, Sex was NEW. My ex hid in his closet. I mean I was amazed at what heterosexual men found as a turn on. I was like, "You wanna do that???"
Talk about plenty of glee over the discoveries I was making but cautiously kept a lot of my 'love' emotions out of it. It was easy then. I was depressed and doggy style relieved a lot of ills that Prozac wouldn't have touched.
I would meet an attractive man I liked for dinner, nonchalantly go to a very nice hotel room and then shag the hell out of him. I loved the after glow (laying in each others arms) but just as happy to get my clothes on and have a celebratory coca cola on the way home. I liked them. They liked me. Easy equations.
Drip...drip...that's the sound of winter coming off in sheathes of my heart. I'm waking up. I'm growing. I'm thawing.
It's a crazy, frightening thing to thaw.
******
Graduation is coming soon. I will have the long coveted degree I have always wanted. You would think I would be jumping up and down. I've worked a long time for this. But honestly, all I feel is burnt out. The uncertainty of a future tottering before me like an old lady in Jimmy Chu's.
I'm not looking for sympathy. I'm not looking for answers. I'm doing the girl thing and Venting.
So thanks for letting me Vent. See you sooner than later--sometime in June.
Kisses,
SG
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23
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I Miss You Guys!
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Apr 24, 2012 6:23 am
1065 Views
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I'm going through withdrawal...LOL. Hoping to be back soon.
Enjoy!
Love and Kisses,
Summer
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15
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Under Construction: Be back in two weeks
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Apr 14, 2012 3:44 pm
1732 Views
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My apologies but I'm heading towards the last month of a grueling semester. I need to focus on school and my objectives. The whole point of going back was to make a better life for myself. This last month or so I have been very distracted. I realized I spend too much time online for my present life. So I am taking a two week hiatus and finishing up an important paper. I hope you all understand. I will be back so don't go away. There are other blogs just stirring up inside of me that I can't wait to write and share with you.
Love,
Summer
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Lazy Blogger
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Apr 12, 2012 9:37 pm
1712 Views
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Sorry guys...soooo tired this week that I haven't written you a good, juicy blog. What a lazy blogger! So before I go to bed I will leave you with a classic Gary Larson (my fav cartoonist), "The Far Side".
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The Power of The F: I have gone and done it...
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Apr 12, 2012 12:17 am
1940 Views
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Yes, I've been greedy. As if this place isn't enough I created a....(insert here the name of a social network that begins with an um...F. I had written it out last night before I went to bed and viola! A mysterious Adult FriendFinder hacker came in and removed the offending social network name that is symbolized by a single F in blue...hint...hint).
So I am giving you a little clue:
Except 'the social network that shall henceforth remained unnamed wouldn't let me call myself Summer Goddess because for some silly reason they don't recognize it as 'a name'! Hmph. The nerve.
SO I renamed myself Summer Gold instead. That they felt was perfectly ok. Sounds to me like a love child birthed in a hippie van in the sixties.
I thought since the A-effsters on here won't let us post video or do fun stuff like share some of my favorite music--it was a way to supplement the blog. If someone knows how to post videos here let me know.
SG
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HWN: Release...
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Apr 10, 2012 11:13 pm
2245 Views
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Excerpt from the book "The Art of Seduction" by Robert Greene
" A man is often secretly oppressed by the role he has to play, always having to be responsible, in control and rational. The Siren is the ultimate male fantasy figure because she offers a total release from the limitations of his life. In her presence, which is always heightened and sexually charged, the male feels transported to a world of pure pleasure. She is dangerous, and in pursuing her energetically the man can lose control over himself, something he yearns to do."
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E (everything) = SG^
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Apr 9, 2012 9:26 am
2456 Views
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Last semester I painstakingly made it through Algebra. In fact, when I was a kid my teachers would send notes to my parents that read, "Please ask your daughter not to doodle on her math book." I took great delight in covering the margins with fairies, monsters and beautiful goddess women wreathed in flowers. I was born a Hippie Bohemian Artist, so mathematics were not in the stars for me.
I realized in the middle of last semester that I had been duped. Math is a bullshitter! I had been taught that math was faithful and always did what you asked of it. Math didn't seem to have a lot of surprises. If you plug in X, you get 'it'. Right? No! Math has 'imaginary' numbers and other variables you can't account for. They even have the audacity to put in letters and confuse the hell out of you. It also has internal error---such as you can do the problem correctly and still come up with the wrong fucking answer....then you have go do something else to get the RIGHT answer. I'm getting emotionally exhausted just thinking about it.
At least at one time I admired Math's straightforward characteristics from afar even if I couldn't fully understand it. But this! THIS! This was a betrayal.
Like the math problem posted on this blog, I am troubled my the inner workings of a universe that clearly won't obey me (SG stomps her foot and pouts). Nope. I can plug in stuff all day and not get exactly what I'm looking for. God knows I've tried to find 'him' somewhere in this life. Why? I don't know. Why do I even need a him? But the thought of never meeting him drives me insane. Who's him? I don't know, I haven't met him yet. I have met men very close to 'him' but usually they were otherwise engaged, some obstacle between us or lived long distances from me. Karma really bites.
I look back now and am startled that I went about the dating process just like I was building my business. I didn't set out to do it intentionally, but I found myself gathering' leads', interviewing each, second interview including romp and then the careful weeding out process. If you asked me how I felt about it at the time, I would have said that it was much more emotional than clinical. I truly was looking for some unattainable Bliss. The mistake I made is that I didn't have a totally clear picture of what I was looking for in a man. I would need a different perspective which could only be developed over time and experience. Was this quest for a needle in a haystack? Most certainly, but not unlike me to rise to a challenge.
2012 has been the year of defining who it is I'm looking for....in life and in love. And am I looking for just one person? Can I be satisfied with one human being in my life or do I need variety? Do I need anyone at all? Or in actuality did I mistakenly think I was looking for him when I was really looking for the inner SG--the higher self all along? Maybe both.
I love 'first times'. I love the butterflies, the nerve wracking meet. The getting dressed up with heels and shaved legs and pussy. Putting on the vanilla perfume on the nape of my neck. Brushing my hair shiny and soft. I love the thrill of the his hand in the small of my back as we walk through a door way. I crave that first kiss. The first time he slips his hand under my shirt and....
But I adore the comfort of knowing someone too. I was on the phone with a friend of mine and they asked what was it that I really wanted. I said:
"The impossible of course. I want a man who is not threatened by my sexuality or intellect. A man who can keep his word. Who is kind above all else. Someone who I can share my past sexual experiences with without him being threatened. Because the point would not be to manipulate him with stories but for him to understand who I am and where I came from. He would need to be understanding that I have male friendships that mean a lot to me. I also don't want to immediately define what we have but let it grow organically. We both would be free to see other people but somehow the bliss of being with each other might be enough as the relationship blooms. We don't own each other even though we belong to each other. Mutual respect. We would stick around because we WANT to and not because of guilt or need. I want an equitable relationship; don't ask me to do something that you are not willing to do yourself (and vica-versa). I need a Lover. Not a booty-call. Not a hook up or a clinical "Friends with Benefits". I want sustainable passion."
Yep, sustainable passion.
I sighed. "I simply want Everything."
They said "Then that's what you should post on your profile"
To which I sighed deeper. "I think anyone reading that would think I'm nuts."
So I'm back to the drawing board. Maybe the description above is qualities that I'm actually looking for in myself. What I do know is that I need to cock my head to the side, step back and look at this monster of an equation differently. I have school on my plate until May. It's going to take all my goddess powers to get the job done. I also need to work on my body and health. I'm not 'sick', so don't worry. But I'm getting older and I've gotten lazy. These two things take a great deal of energy to change.
In essence, I need Transformation. Yeah, a little thing like that.
No, I'm not breaking up with all with you. LOL! I'm just going on a little Sabbatical. Does this mean I will never have sex again during this time? No, I probably will. But I need to do some heavy soul searching about what I want out of life. I will still write my blog. I will enjoy corresponding with you. All I ask is that you be patient with SG--she's in the middle of midterms with a lot on her mind. If I don't write back it doesn't mean I'm being a grade A Prima Donna. It just means I'm overloaded with life right now. I need to prioritize and use my time better and I need to, dare I say,..find me.
I need to find the answer...I wouldn't expect anything less of myself.
xxx
SG
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Happy Easter and all that Jazz...
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Apr 7, 2012 8:49 pm
2654 Views
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Look at what I'm making for tomorrow's din-din. First up on the list is my famous BBQ ribs, then a ham, mashed potatoes, caesar salad and viola! PEEPS® Lemon Curd Cake!
This is to document that on holiday occasions I become a Domesticated Goddess. Unlike the other Goddess that I am in between holidays...
The reason I don't cook a lot? It's because I am furthering the betterment of mankind with great Sex. Just sayin'...
I hope you all have a very Happy Easter! Enjoy!
Lots of Kisses,
SG.
Ingredients
4 pkgs (3ct each) PEEPS® (Milk or Dark) Chocolate Dipped Marshmallow Chicks
1 cup butter, softened
2 ½ cups sugar
5 large eggs
½ tsp vanilla extract
3 cups cake flour
1 ½ tsp baking powder
1 tsp salt
½ tsp baking soda
¾ cup whole buttermilk
¼ cup lemon juice
1 cup lemon curd (may substitute lemon pudding)
1 container white frosting
1 tube white decorating icing with star or flower tip
2 Tbsp powdered cocoa
Zest of one lemon
Directions
1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees F. Line 2 (6-inch) cake pans with parchment paper. Set aside.
2. In a large bowl, beat butter and sugar at medium speed with an electric mixer until fluffy. Add eggs, one at a time, beating well after each addition. Beat in vanilla.
3. In another large bowl, sift together flour, baking powder, salt and baking soda.
4. In a small bowl, combine buttermilk and lemon juice.
5. With electric mixer on low speed, add a small amount of flour mixture to the butter mixture. Next, add a small amount of buttermilk mixture to the butter mixture. Alternate adding small amounts of flour mixture and buttermilk mixture to butter mixture, ending with the flour mixture.
6. Pour batter into prepared pans. Bake until golden and a wooden toothpick inserted in center comes out clean, about 45 to 50 minutes.
7. Cool in pans on a wire rack for 20 minutes. Remove cake from pans and cool completely on wire rack.
8. Place one cake on serving dish. Spread lemon curd on top of cake.
9. Place second cake on top of lemon curd on first cake. Cover top and sides of entire cake with white frosting.
10. Sprinkle powdered cocoa and lemon zest on sides of cake.
11. Place PEEPS® Chocolate Dipped Marshmallow Chicks on top of the cake, arranging them with the heads facing outward.
12. Use star or flower shaped tip to decorate the edges of the cake as desired with white icing.
Makes: 1 (2 layer) Cake
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Mystery Blogger Solved: My Piece
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Apr 6, 2012 11:11 am
2641 Views
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Well, here it is. You guys did great guessing who wrote what. Again, a big round of applause to the Master Mind Sonic! Make sure you stop by all the blogs to catch some very female, witty, funny blogs. I feel privileged that I was asked to be in the group of such exceptional writers; Go Sonic, Margot and Jules!!
I am pasting below my submission. It is fictional and for the record, I do not have husband anymore! But I had to write incognito!
Enjoy!
XXX
******************************************************************
I never liked the word "Cougar" as if a middle aged woman was described as a blood thirsty feline waiting to pounce on her youthful and unsuspecting prey. It conjured up images of helpless boy-toys being devoured by women in tight skirts, wrinkly cleavage and half missing eyebrows. I knew a fellow colleague who fit the term to the bill. At company events she would saddle up to the youngest, bright eyed frat boy, Tobey Maquire look-alike and graze her three inch lacquered nails against his freckled cheek and purr. It was rather disgusting and we all took turns smirking from over the top of our drinks.
That was when I was a whippersnapper of twenty five. Now look at me! I'm older than the Cruella DeVille who I made snarky comments about. So you can imagine my shudder when my cube mate Tara elbowed me and caused me to look up from a weeks worth of paper shit that I was supposed to get done three weeks ago.
"Looka that..." She mouthed. I glanced over and saw the new guy putting his pencils in straight little lines on his desk. Like it was his fucking first day at school. "Cute", I sneered.
My maternal instinct kicked in and I wanted to pack him a peanut butter and jelly and a fruit roll-up. Tara gushed a little, straightened her perfect hair in a reflective compact. She 'suddenly' had the urge to make coffee so that she could slink past him.
"You never make coffee."
"You're such a bitch."
"I know."
She deserved to 'win' and I knew it. Ten years younger than me, legs that won't quit, blond hair and has the genetic fortune of perky tits. They don't even bob when she walks. In fact, NASA could put her in their centrifugal force machine and she would walk out with every strand in place. IN FACT, unlike me, if Tara lost six pounds, they would have to mercy flight her to the nearest hospital.
So it only seemed reasonable that New Twenty Nine Year Old Hottie Who Drives a Responsible Red Prius To Work would want to bang the delectable YOUNG Tara in the board room one night while I take home flow charts and watch "Adult Swim". Feeling sorry for myself, I sighed and threw proposal six hundred and seven in the trash. "I'm bored already Tara. Go for it. He's a kid....oh shhiii."
"Hi". I heard a little squeak behind me. Horrified, I turned around and faced The Youngin'. "My name is RJ. He stuck out his hand and I noticed first the whiteness of his button down (Gawd. I love a crisp button down on a guy) but caught the delicious scent of him. It was a mixture of oranges and sandlewood and fabulous man-perspiration. I suddenly had the very anti-maternal urge to bury my aged, decrepit head in his chest and inhale.
Then sometimes I would catch him looking at me. I would look at him. The penguine dance had been going on for at least a month but I dismissed it at every turn. I was a lot older than him. What could he possibly have to offer? I argued with myself at night when I was thinking about his cute little goatee. Scratchy in the right places, I mused. Sometimes roleplaying with my husband that RJ was fucking me on the photo copier making an artful series of our flesh to be found later by the night janitor. I directed RJ in my mind the way I WANTED. I was always The Sex Empress in control of the fantasy. Off with their heads! Yet here I was now caught under Junior's steady and intimidating gaze.
We had lunch last week at Les Fougères where he actually ordered for me. The nerve! I usually don't like that. I mean I'm a grown woman and certainly can order my own meal. But he ordered it in French to the waiter's delight and then sat back, surveying me. I could feel my own wetness rising between my thighs. I absently pushed my three leaf salad (it is a French restaurant you know) and one cucumber on my plate. Aimlessly discussing last years production stats and trying not to concentrate on the way his shoe was pushing up against my heel. I felt old and uncomfortable. The little boy act in the office was growing up right before my eyes. I clearly was not in charge. He knew it and I knew it.
As usual I wasn't wearing panties and shifted uncomfortably under the growing silence as he sipped his wine. We were sitting a little close this time but within polite distance. I could still feel the heat from his arm gently next to my arm and it was electrifying. I made a lame joke about taking a restraining order on his blue eyes but he didn't laugh. He wrinkled up his napkin, and without warning slid into the hot space between us. My heart lurched, and without touching me with his hands he put his face in my hair, next to my ear.
"Tell me you want me to fuck you."
I couldn't talk. Just breath. Just breath.
I hushed out "Whhat?"
"You heard me." He said firmly. His one finger tracing the hemline of my skirt. "Say it."
A tray dropped in the distance. I could hear the clatter coming from the kitchen. The waiter clinking ice into glasses at the table next us. The couple with children, scolding, crying.
I felt as if I was slipping and involuntarily leaned into that full, dark mouth as it pressed farther in my ear and nodded my head a little.
"Say it."
"Yes. I want you....to fuck me."
The wind of my words left me, past the entry into the newly tarred street. I was imagining the urgent kiss as he pressed me against up the door of his apartment. Our muted, languishing slowness as skirt and jackets were dropped on shiny, polished birch floors. The whiteness of the sheets and that delicious smell of sleep and citrus on his pillows. One hand grips firmly, the nape of my neck. He cups my pink breast and sucks long and hard and bites me...oh god... just right. I take his hands in mine, lead them to my little blushing stone of a clit, rock his fingers deep into me, devour his breath and unzip until his red, hard cock is in my hand. The sticky sweetness already on the tip waiting for my kiss.
But we weren't there yet.
Without a word, he took my hand, slipping me out of the booth and we walked out into the bright afternoon light...
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To link to this blog (SummerGoddess4) use [blog SummerGoddess4] in your messages.
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