To rationalize my existence??  

Straycatsetsuko 61F
96 posts
10/22/2005 12:10 pm

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

To rationalize my existence??

Someone asked me what I do to rationalize my existence. Well, now, that gets a little complicated.

In my mind, I was just kinda stuck here by some much higher power who hasn't sent me the memo yet. I looked like my parents, but resemblance stopped there. I went to Lutheran church and schools, but that was about all I had in common with the people there.

I finally found my tribe after I'd moved out from my parents' place. A bunch of hippies in University Circle, in Cleveland. I followed my then-husband to California, lived there for 24 years, never felt at home. Came back here 3 years ago, and feel much better. Found my tribe again.

So, to rationalize my existence, I think I just touch lives. People, animals. I've done lots of animal rescue and specialize in cats. I never know how or why I'm there, but it's really about all I can say to rationalize my existence.

But this was said in the context of what I do for a living. To pay my bills. Well, right now, I'm way behind on my bills. I was mopping floors at a hospital, got laid off. Then I did electrical soldering, got laid off. Now I'm in a state of pure potentiality. I've been making soap, trying to sell it, finding stuff on treelawns and refinishing, then selling it.Taking in mending. I want to go back to electrical work. All I need is a job....

Okay, enough avoidance behavior. Back to work on the washer.

I don't know if it rationalizes my existence, but I'm here, and that's what I'm doing.

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