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And so it goes
And so it goes
Saturday, I went to a memorial service for a friend. Actually, a friend's mom, but she was my friend, too. Passed away about a month ago of pancreatic cancer. I'm close to her son, really close, but we're not lovers. He's a barkeep, portrait and trompe l'eoil artist and an alcoholic, heavy smoker, that bad combination of super intelligent and super sensitive.
The day his mom died, I went with him to her apartment, held his hand while he and his sisters made the arrangements with the funeral director.Then they started some preliminary dividing of her property. I took some canned stuff, and her cooking oils.
Last week, for therapeutic reasons, I hot processed some soap, because it takes more attention than cold process, with these oils. I embedded rose buds in it, and scented it with her favorite scents, lavender and violet. The morning of the service, I wrapped it all in waxed paper, to give to my friend's sisters. I expected the 3 kids would divvy it up among themselves.
Got the the service 10 minutes later, my friend was looking around for me. A bunch of other people came in when I did, and the priest asked for someone to bring in more chairs. During that lull, I went and let him know I was there, then sat in the back. During the kiss of peace, I went and talked to him a bit, he began to cry, and I pulled him together quickly, then talked to his sisters briefly.
Looks like they still use cardboard for the wafer for Communion. I didn't go up, not really being Christian anymore, but the priest held it over the cup, and that's when I saw it.
I was actually pretty glad for an opportunity to cry my eyes out, and this was great. I hadn't been able to cry all week, and it finally came.
After the service, my friend put his arm around me, and wouldn't let me go, his sister came and cried a bit on my shoulder. I loaded the flowers into my car, I have a station wagon, and we went to the funeral feast.
I unloaded the flowers from my car, then went back out and got the soap. I went inside, gave sister a hug, then gave her the soap, made with her mom's cooking oils. The sisters have kids, and soap can hang out for a good year and a half, I figured, they'd use it themselves. I went and sat with my friend, holding his hand, trying to keep him together.
I must be an idiot. I was trying to eat this wonderful Italian food, and talk to a cousin of my friend's, he has a startup, getting a bunch of patents together, he wants to talk to my ex (technical writer) and my son (network engineer). I'm trying to write down his contact info, and people start telling me what a wonderful tribute it was, smells wonderful, yada, yada. Friend doesn't help much. He's got his arm around me again, saying, "That's my witch."
I wanted to lock myself in the bathroom. They had handed the soap out to the family, and no one would leave me be. How did you make this? And with her oils? Do you do this often? Oh, are you (the friend's) wife?
He made sure I got food, and it's mostly salad, so it won't keep, and I can't really freeze it for him.
Friend and a mutual friend, a potter, came over here. They like to be by the swamp, they like to look around my little half acre. I got out of the bra, pantyhose, and heels,and got caught up with the potter. She was telling me about her sister, who is my best friend in the world, and how she's separated from her husband of 3 years. She really didn't want to get married, but the medical insurance thing did it for her, and she married him. Now she finds out for the 20 years she lived with him, and 3 years she's been married to him, he's been stepping out on her.Well, I HAD been planning my next wedding for a warm night on Pluto, but I've since decided to move it to Alpha Centauri. Still don't have a candidate, but I'm not real into the whole marriage thing, anyway. Any men here thinking to court me, be aware: There will be no rings on my finger.
I still miss Rockdancer, and will not hear a bad word about him. But you gotta keep going. One foot in front of the other.
I'll be visiting my friend tonight. He's still taking it pretty badly.