Well, I had "that" conversation with mom....  

StrangeSexFriend 47M
36 posts
2/27/2006 11:03 am

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

Well, I had "that" conversation with mom....

(concurrent post)
I talked to my mom about the whole thing with my sexuality and well, she's a very devout christian...she knows I swing both ways with sex and tells me I have to choose one or the other....she also says the homosexuality is evil of course, not gay people are evil but that the lifestyle is and nothing good comes of it....I am actually a little torn right now...my honest sexual interest is almost exclusively towards women....all my fantasies are about them...BUT...confusingly to me...my life seems to work out better when I'm oriented to men and I'm happier in many ways....and women bring out personality traits in me when I try to be "all the man I think I should be" that causes problems it seems, but actually I'm pretty sure its really me to be that way....conflict...what I really need is feedback right now....of whatever kind...I'd like to recieve as much as possible, good and bad, I'd like to hear something....I think I'd be more honestly disposed towards a female because my interest in sex with men is somewhat reminiscent of more an addiction because it strokes my ego "just right" but it comes from a indentifying position within me of my feminine side which I express with men....but the whole t-girl issue is not where I'm really at with myself...any thoughts?

moonlightphoenix 45F
6508 posts
2/27/2006 11:42 am

I always say that being gay or straight is like being left handed or right handed. You're just born that way and you don't have a choice. Now, you can be forced to conform, but it never flows naturally.

Bisexuality is much more murky. I prefer to think I have the luxury of being able to choose the gender of my mate. But truthfully, I don't, it's more that I fall in love with someone in spite of their gender. It just doesn't play a role in the decision making process.

Your situation sounds a lot more turbulent than that. I sincerely sympathise with anyone who has to deal with parents who make judgements like yours. I can't imagine what that must do to you. In the end, though, you can only be who you really are, and that may take years and years of digging to discover.

I wish you the best.

saddletrampsk 54F

2/27/2006 11:50 am

Why can't you be bisexual? you don't have to chose..do what you feel comfortable doing..

rm_art_persists 51M
1789 posts
2/27/2006 11:57 am

Just go with it. All of the barriers that exist are a creation of society and not one of reality....

loadeddice05 44M

2/27/2006 12:09 pm

Christian or not your parents should accept your choices in life! They don't have to like them or agree with them but I don't think any parent, pastor or anybody else can interpret What is right in GOD's eyes! Stay safe!

Loosetooth 41M
1146 posts
2/27/2006 12:10 pm

We live in a schizophrenic society, which is like this because it is male dominated. Therefore the idea of two women having sex is fetishised and fantasised about but the idea of two men together is abhorrent and disgusting, something which at best should not be thought about and at worst can engender anger and violence.

The way in which society deals with this does not help. Young men are rigidly forced to conform by a peer pressure menace and machismo which means that paternal help is a far shore line. In general the unwritten maxim is drilled into the young head 'You are a man, Men get with women, We have friends but they are pals and are not attractive because that is sick, Women are attractive' Yet this is a simplification of life experience, it writes itself in black and white across a young mans brain. I have rarely found life simple and I hate things which are black and white, because they provide false views of life.

This unplanned conspiracy of machismo causes problems for the growing man. Why? Well, sometimes sexual attraction does not split across gender lines. There have been women that I have found so unattractive and there have been men that I have fallen in love with and lusted after. Abd so the question is set up in every young mans mind, hold on I lust after his company, his attention and the other night when I was stoned I imagined......no.....it was the drugs......I am not gay.......am I?

Every bloke at sometime has wondered if they were gay or not. Yet you would not think that would you? You have to mine a bloke to find that out.

Does this mean that you are not? No it means that the process you are going through is not just normal but one that every man has gone through (those that have not are either lying OR have never questioned a thing in their lives). Confusion.

I am like you. Sexually I think in women, they are my fantasy, but sometimes stuff happens that makes me think that a normal hetero man should not think this or feel that and it throws the whole thing into relieve (or at least it did until I found my peace with it). I personally have never found a satifactory answer for my own situation. I still will be talking to some bloke when I will suddenly imagine me blowing them. How to I handle that? Well sometimes I just think that it is my mind just fucking with me (I have a strange relationship with myself and do often try to freak myself out). Sometimes I subvert the thought into a woman blowing me and pretend it did not happen. Most times I just smile. Even now there will be men I can feel attracted to. This is normal man, it is just how it goes, sometimes you are attracted to the person not the sex.

Anyways I resolved it this way. Am I capable of a sexual relationship with a man...... does the thought of that turn me on? No. No matter what I feel or fantasise about another man I would not be capable of making love to anything other than a woman FOR NOW. I keep an open mind perhaps one day, but not know. It may be that I am a big old repressed homo who will have some kind of crisis one wife, two kids and twenty years down the line. But for now I am happy that I am oriented toward women but I appreciate the nature of humanity and sexuality to realise that men can be fantasised about and admired.

My peace was found when I realised that a humans sex is the external physical manifestation of sexuality. Behind that there is a different level of sexuality, mental sexuality (obvious when written I know a better expression is to point out that there are many organisms which display neither male nor female characteristics yet they are still sexual beings) and that is not so easily categorised and does not work to the rules that our society have imposed on the world so that it makes more sense.

The short version of my advice is this. Do not freak for you are on the right path to answer your question. First out you are asking the question and, secondly, you are thinking about it (I mean really thinking about it). Eventually time will provide the answer.

Importantly though I would advise you not to involve your mother in this. Not just because I think her opinion is skewed by her belief (meaning that she cannot advise you as you deserve) but because she is your parent and this stuff cannot be done in their prescence. Good luck.

StrangeSexFriend 47M

3/4/2006 10:58 pm

thanx for the comments....they help.
yers. J.

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