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The Evolution of Wacking Off
The Evolution of Wacking Off
Ya know, even in my lifetime, the art of masterbation has evolved by leaps and bounds.
No, I am not talking about toys. Hell, there is one toy good for me, and that is old lefty.
I am talking about the sources of our fantasies, our references.
Many ages ago, I guess the best tool was the mind. But, let's face it: the mind is limited. Kinda tough to pull one off when the only visualization we have is the inside of our eyeballs.
I guess for a while, we made statues and other works of art for our erotica. Then for many centuries, we used the printed word as our pornography. this seemed to work okay.
once we began taking pictures, erotic pictures immediately began surfacing. at first they were nudie shots, then became more explicite.
The same can be said for the film industry. probably two seconds after the first moving picture was made, some guy in the back said "Hey...you know...we COULD film a couple chicks eating each other!" (insert "farmer" joke here).
And for many years, this worked. Yeah, okay, we had to sit in a theator with 50 other guys with their pants around their ankles, but we were okay as long as nothing gooey hit us in the back of the neck. Unless we were rich enough to own a home projector.
During this same time, we had magazines. Most were "nature" magazines, but, hell, as long as they showed shots of tits, ass and maybe even a little bush, we were happy.
Playboy came along in the '50s and turned the nudie magazine more or less an artform. It took a while, but the mid-'70s saw an explosion of girlie magazines: Penhouse, Huslter, High Society, Club, Gallery, Swank - not that I've personally ever looked at any of these magazines.
This is where I came in.
The early 1980s. We weren't rich. We weren't poor. We were Reagan-era middle class, ie, rich enough for a TV and the VCR was but a dream.
So, I collected porn magazines. Lots of them. I still have more than 500 of them under a cover in my bedroom under a blanket - many could be considered classics. I considered them part of exploring my childhood, growing up, and feeling my penis. It was a grand time of growth and exploration.
In the mid-1980's, I got my first VCR from a friend for 10 bucks. Naturally, the second thing I bought were porno videos (The first was The Godfather. I had always wanted to see that). Finally, I could see the stars I had only read about and seen pictures of: Ginger Lynn, Amber Lynn, Kristara Barrington, Christy Canyon, Taija Rae, Joanna Storm. And Traci Lords, who ended up being one month older than me. Oh, did i meantion I discovered all of this while I was still in high school. Do the math.
Of course, this worked out well for me for quite a while. I went back and forth between magazines and tapes for quite a while, but there was it was better watching two people fuck than seeing the picture.
Then came the computer. Ah, yes, this seemed to open up a few doors. Yes, of course there are the nudie picture and video sites. I have spent many hours of my life making the monkey thanks to these sites.
But, a different evolution came to me.
At first, it was kind of simple. I spent a very brief period of time on a forum - a science-fiction forum, I think- passing steamy emails to a female user. At least I think she was female. Kind of hard to tell at the time.
Then I spent some time at an adult chatroom. That room no longer exists, and again, I cannot remember the name (JavaCafe, or something like that?). I was a CyberSex king - at one time, I was Cybering with three different women at the very same time. At least, I think they were women. Kind of hard to tell at the time.
I used ICQ as a CyberSex haven for a brief while - but jeez those sound effects...I can still hear that annoying fucking "uh-oh" message indicator.
Just before the turn of the millenium, I found a pay webcam site - pay-per-view. I thought it was the greatest thing in the world. Here, I KNEW I was talking with a real woman. It rocked!
Until I got the bill. Ah, but I was okay. As long as I didn't go overboard...
Now, the whole thing has become complicated - but, in my opinion, in a good way. We can yahoo or MSN or whatever. We can interact with each other. We can see each other. You can show me your tits and ass, I can show you my cock, I stroke, you finger, we call each other (hey, can do that on the computer, too).
We can explore every nook and cranny on each other's bodies without even being on the same continent. I could give you a shot of my ball sack close enough you feel like you are there. YOu can shove a camera so far between your legs, I can almost taste the juices.
Hell, who knows, in a few years, you can be in Iowa, I can be on the moon, yet you will STILL be able to lick my sack and I can tongue fuck you!
Ah, how far we have come.
Excuse me. I've gotta go watch some porn now.
4/11/2006 8:04 am
And I want to watch some too By the way, I love your blog because the entries are funny and the blog name? OMFG it's priceless |
4/11/2006 8:04 am
Great post..yes masturbation has come a long way..My toys are so much more advanced that cucumbers..thanks for sharing..|