posts 6/6/2006 11:29 am
6/7/2006 10:01 am
Why couples don't have sex
Just had to copy this and post it. I think I'd seen it before or something like it. Is this old and I'm just finding it?
O MY DEAR WIFE:
During the past year I have tried to make love to you 365 times.
I have succeeded 36 times, which is an average of once every ten days.
The following is a list of why I did not succeed more often:
54 times the sheets were clean
17 times it was too late
49 times you were too tired
20 times it was too hot
15 times you pretended to be sleep
22 times you had a headache
17 times you were afraid of waking the baby
16 times you said you were too sore
12 times it was the wrong time of the month
19 times you had to get up early
9 times you said weren't in the mood
7 times you were sunburned
6 times you were watching the late show
5 times you didn't want to mess up your new hairdo
3 times you said the neighbors would hear us
9 times you said your mother would hear us
Of the 36 times I did succeed, the activity was not satisfactory because:
6 times you just laid there
8 times you reminded me there's a crack in the ceiling
4 times you told me to hurry up and get it over with
7 times I had to wake you and tell you I finished
1 time I was afraid I had hurt you because I felt you move
TO MY DEAR HUSBAND:
I think you have things a little confused. Here are the reasons you didn't get more than you did:
5 times you came home drunk and tried to screw the cat
36 times you did not come home at all
21 times you didn't come with energy
33 times you came too soon
19 times you went soft before you got in
38 times you worked too late
10 times you got cramps in your toes
29 times you had to get up early to play golf
2 times you were in a fight and someone kicked you in the balls
4 times you got it stuck in your zipper
3 times you had a cold and your nose was running
2 times you had a splinter in your finger
20 times you lost the motion after thinking about it all day
6 times you came in your pajamas while reading a dirty book
98 times you were too busy watching TV
Of the times we did get together:
The reason I laid still was because you missed and were screwing the sheets.
I wasn't talking about the crack in the ceiling, what I said was, "Would you prefer me on my back or kneeling?"
The time you felt me move was because you farted and I was trying to breathe.
Hope you got a laugh
posts6/6/2006 11:39 am
LOL! Yikes!!! I'd have been done and out of that relationship a lonnnng time ago!!!|
|SpaceRangerNJ replies on 6/6/2006 12:21 pm:|
Yeah, it sounded like a relationship disaster.
See, still nothing to send you off track!
6/6/2006 11:58 am
|Yes...I apologize, this is a "copy and paste"..but I have so many people to thank. And, I'm so very tired.|
|...it is still very genuine nonetheless, I'm just sneaking through to say thank you, Thank You for your kind words in my blog and your well wishes for my Bri.|
|SpaceRangerNJ replies on 6/6/2006 12:19 pm:|
You are welcome dear. Thanks for taking time to stop by. Nice to visit with you earlier if even for just a few moments.
6/6/2006 2:20 pm
lmao... that was great..and sooo good to see tiller|
under the stars
We choose to write
you choose what you comprehend.
read twice and be nice
every key stroke... has a heart beat
|SpaceRangerNJ replies on 6/7/2006 10:02 am:|
Glad you got a laugh. Yes, nice to see tiller. She's having a tought time. Glad she has the support of the blogging community.
6/6/2006 3:42 pm
OK, so this had to be composed by a nun. Well, not literally.|
yea, I laughed. see above.
warm huggies 2ya
|SpaceRangerNJ replies on 6/7/2006 10:05 am:|
So you know what 7 Up and nuns have in common?
Never had it, never will!
Remember the commercial?
Yes, more silliness from naughty SR. (of course that sounds better with my real name)