My Marriage - It's Over  

SpaceRangerNJ 55M
2357 posts
7/19/2006 10:14 pm

Last Read:
9/11/2006 1:29 pm

My Marriage - It's Over

Mood: We are both Relieved.

I approached my wife and told her it was time to put a graceful end to our marriage.

We had a discussion as friends. Wished happiness and better things for each other. Agreed if anyone could bring a marriage to an end the right way it would be us; two intelligent, caring people. Neither doubting the honor or integrity of the other.

Both of us have hope for the future. There will be hard times ahead but we will get through them.

At this moment, All is well. We are sad but relieved it is out in the open.

I am glad that I finally had the talk and all my preparations to do it right without conflict worked out. Happy that she handled it well.

Next step: together, have a talk with our daughter. Assure her that she is not loosing her Dad. Let her know that we are not angry with each other. Neither is leaving the other. There is just two good people that can't be married any longer.

We will see what tomorrow brings. Lots of questions I'm sure that were not thought of or asked. One step at a time.

Going to sleep is a peaceful SR.

Seriously_Real 48M

7/19/2006 10:31 pm

Good for you. Been there, doing that. I hope it can continue, and don't forget your words. It will be hard, my friend, at times. But if it is the right thing to do, then so it is.


SpaceRangerNJ replies on 7/20/2006 8:16 am:
I am all about doing this right. Have been preparing for almost a year, including my attitude and perspecitive. It will be hard at times. Thanks for your support. Good luck with your situation.

rm_AnOddGirl 57F
3469 posts
7/19/2006 10:33 pm

I'm so sorry. Breaking up is hard, harder when there are kids involved, though they are usually obsevant enough to know something is wrong (I was.)

Hang in there.

SpaceRangerNJ replies on 7/20/2006 8:18 am:
The kid knows and has for some time. She is almost grown. It will be OK. Her greatest fear, as I understand it, is that I won't be her Dad anymore. She is my step daughter and of course I will still be her Dad.
What's that song? Breaking up is hard to do...

ella1966 50F
1528 posts
7/19/2006 11:14 pm

(((hugs))) Space, thanks for being there when I needed you and it is nice to see that you have handled it in such a mature way, even though your wife must be in deep pain, and you must have lots of feelings about it too...I am struggling with what to do myself, I think I must be faithful for now until I make a firm decision of what to do, I am just scared that I will be making the wrong one, only to find that "the grass is not greener" on the other side, but that the new grass has different problems...I know that everyone must live authentically and be true to one's self, but I question whether what I am doing is so because of this site and the fact that it brings sex (or lack of satisfactory sex, which never bothered me until I joined this site in Dec 2004) to the forefront of my mind, to the exclusion of everything else in my life, which I have plainly just let go.

Best Wishes for future happiness

ella xoxoxo

SpaceRangerNJ replies on 7/20/2006 8:22 am:
I takes a while to know what to do and to have the confidence to do it. Knowing that everything will be alright. Sure there will be different problems in a new relationship. The thing to do is not repeat the same ones and fall back into the same situation. I am already in the process of figuring out my role in the failure of our marriage. It's never a one sided thing. It will prepare me for a healthy new relationship. I am a much better person for my marriage and it will help make the next relationship / marriage much better.
Good luck finding your way. It will come.

JazzDlight 59F

7/20/2006 2:22 am

SR Big hug to you my friend. Many people stay in a marriage because of financial reasons or because of the children. That seems to be the two big reasons why people stay together even though their marriage is over emotionally/physically. You are to be commended for the way you handled things. Please know I am here to talk, listen, advice whatever you need. You took your time and did it the right way for you. Wish I could say the same for a lot of other people. Most will stay in an unhappy marriage for a number of reasons but in all honesty it is worth it to stay in the end? Why waste your life being unhappy and miserable? All the fighting, bickering and resentment that will eventually ooze out of every pore of your body will start to show. Children will pick up on that, they are not stupid and I feel we do not give them enough credit. As to monetary reasons, what good will it serve to say in a relationship for that reason if you are unhappy with every other part of the marriage? As I said recently to a friend of mine I have known 6 years and is in an unhappy marriage...."Do you really want to stay in this marriage because you fear losing all you have worked for? Things can eventually be replaced, your personal happiness cannot." Sorry to ramble on like this. Ok rant over. Anything you need, all you need to do is ask. Hugs, Jazz

SpaceRangerNJ replies on 7/20/2006 8:26 am:
Thank you. I worked very hard to get to this point so it could be done right. I will continue to work hard and use all the resources I have to make sure everything goes smoothly. I have lots of people to rely on, including yourself.
This will be the best for all. We know it. Our daughter has long known we don't have a happy marriage. She will be alright with it. Her fear of loosing me is unfounded and we will assure her that it won't happen.

countryheart_71 45F
8082 posts
7/20/2006 4:01 am

I remember the feeling of being relieved when I told the same thing to my ex. I knew that my life was going to be even harder than it was when we were still married but I also knew that it would be a better life for me and my kids. I didn't want my kids growing up unhappy (with the things that were happening, I knew that they would). I wish that my ex would have reacted like that. He still can't and it has been over 2 years since he moved out. I'm sure that your daughter will be upset but if she handles anything like you and your wife, she will understand. It's obvious that you have plenty of friends around you to help you through this. I wish you the best of luck!


SpaceRangerNJ replies on 7/20/2006 8:32 am:
There have been lots of points of relief as I have gone through the process of accepting what must be done and knowing that I would be all right. Now knowing that it will be civil is a great relief. I prepared for the worst but hoped for the best. I always knew she was a good person and she continues to prove it with her reaction to the situation.
Our daughter is a smart, mature kid. Almost grown up and out of the house. She will be sad as her mother and I are. I understand lots of kids say "what took you so long" when the parents decide to get divorced. She might feel that way.
Thank you for your support.

angelofmercy5 58F
17881 posts
7/20/2006 4:12 am

SR......I know you slept better because now it is all out in the open and on the table. I'm happy that you two were able to agree that this is the best thing for both of you. the work begins. And just because it began civil....doesn't mean that it won't get emotional at times. That is to be expected.....just prepare yourself for the emotions.....on your part and on hers. You know that I love you....and so do many here. We are here.....rant it out if you need to. Thanks for being who you are my friend....and for always being there!

SpaceRangerNJ replies on 7/20/2006 8:34 am:
Thank you. I am prepared for the ups and downs. The overall goal remains the same and will guide me through the tought times.
I really appreciate the support of my friends here. It has helped me get to where I am today.

bluebellclara 65F

7/21/2006 1:33 am

Ranger, my heart is with you. Glad you have gotten to this point. I remember 4 years ago going down this path. My daughter was 9 at the time, and she took the news as the end of the world. Yet, this was temporary as she came to see that she still had both parents and that we were both okay. I grew up in a family where my parents had no real love each other, only inertia. Didn't do me any good, that's for sure, that they stayed together until death. You are doing the right thing in a decent thoughtful way. Of course, there will be some hard times, but I think you should feel the confidence that you will handle what arises and that you are shaping the life that is authentic and right for you. xxx to you. BBC

SpaceRangerNJ replies on 7/21/2006 10:42 am:
Our daughter will also be Ok. Her main concern in "what if" converstations with my wife was that I would still be her Dad. She is my step daughter, thus her concern.
Confidence is what I have been working on over the last year. Knowing that I can get through it and I will be alright.

firestarter665 42M/39F

7/22/2006 6:53 pm

It is good to know that you are both handling this in a mature manner. If you do the same with your daughter, I am sure that all will be fine.

Good luck to all of you.

SpaceRangerNJ replies on 7/24/2006 7:04 am:
Things with the Daughter went well. She will be just fine. Wants us to both be happy.

Whispersoftly5 51F
15176 posts
7/22/2006 8:05 pm

I've been away for too long. Sorry I have not been here to be more supportive. I know you've been working toward this and you know how to reach me if you need anything - even just a friendly ear. Big hugs to you sweetie!


SpaceRangerNJ replies on 7/24/2006 7:05 am:
I know you've been busy with your own life. It's good to see you here on my blog.
We have plenty to talk about when we finally connect again.

JuicyBBW1001 54F

7/23/2006 12:12 pm

This is my first visit to your blog but have seen your comments on a few others blogs I have read. My thoughts are with you and yours as you go down separate paths may you find the peace and comfort you seek in life.


SpaceRangerNJ replies on 7/24/2006 7:07 am:
Welcome Juicy. I've seen you around the neighborhood as well. lol
I am well on the road to finding peace. It has been a long time coming; a lifetime practically.
Thanks for your thoughts.

ShyWhisper2006 53F
15175 posts
9/6/2006 8:25 am

It is nice to see that you thought enough of doing it the right way and with an amount of respect on both you and your spouses behalf' well as your daughters...Good for you both...And best of luck as well. *smiles*

SpaceRangerNJ replies on 9/11/2006 1:27 pm:
Thank you. It's still going well.

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