It's Hard  

SpaceRangerNJ 55M
2357 posts
7/21/2006 7:00 am

Last Read:
8/1/2006 8:12 am

It's Hard

Is very strange. I have been in the revenge business so long, now that it's over, I don't know what to do with the rest of my life.
Princess Bride

I've been preparing for the other night when I spoke to my wife for almost a year. Now it's happened. On to the next step. I have of course thought about the next step but not nearly in as much detail and with as much energy.

For you see, there was much to do to prepare for the other night. It was a very big step. I needed to be emotionally prepared. Needed confidence and hope for the future. Wanted to have the right perspective and attitude. I like to be prepared and sometimes fear the unknown and change. It actually took much and a lot of growth to get to this point. This is all good stuff.

So here I am. The next phase begins.

Questions, Questions, Questions. Fears even yet.

We were both in agreement and felt quite connected during our talk. I know how those things go. It was like being at the lawyers. She said, as soon as you leave here and get in your car you are going to have a 1000 questions you wish you'd asked. (Yes and my mom told me 1000 times not to exaggerate. And yes I still have a sense of humor. lol). So I figure, more than myself, my wife would all of a sudden have more questions. I'm sure she is now talking to friends and comparing notes. I suspect, as my friends did with me, they will put the fear of God into her about what a slime I could possibly be and all the things that could go wrong; how she is going to have to posture herself and protect herself. My only hope is that we communicate and don't let the influences of others cause us to take actions that would hurt the process. Now we didn't communicate well during our marriage. It was one of the problems. I am going to try to change that for what we are about to go through.

We have yet to talk to our daughter so that will probably be the next thing.

After that we will have to talk about a plan of how to proceed and put some sort of time table down. The process needs to move forward and not drag on. It won't be good for anyone.

So yes, as I suspected and as I have been cautioned by my friends here and elsewhere, it's hard. This next phase will be difficult. Stressful.
Can I have a hug please.

countryheart_71 45F
8082 posts
7/21/2006 7:55 am

Big hugs to you Space! ~HUGS~ Communication is very necessary especially when there are kids involved. My ex still hasn't learned this and it has been over 2 years. I still inform him what is going on with the kids, not that he cares or remembers, but I still do it. No matter what, I will always be connected with him for the rest of my life because of our children. We don't have to get along but I would like to be atleast civil to each other. I wish that he would learn that. Good luck to you!


SpaceRangerNJ replies on 7/21/2006 10:44 am:
Our daughter is almost grown. It will be different than what you are going through I suspect. Communication has always been an issue with us. We don't do it enough or well enough.
Civil will be easy. I am blessed in that area.

JazzDlight 59F

7/21/2006 9:45 am

Yes it will be difficult but you will both have to follow the letter of the law. Friends can give her advice, etc. but each divorce is different, there is no one size fits all. Pa is a no fault divorce state and I am not sure if NJ is or not, which would help if it is. The courts do not really want to get involved in domestic matters, they would prefer that the parties work things out among themselves so they only get involved if they have to. Talk to you later got to get back to work. Hugs, Jazz

SpaceRangerNJ replies on 7/21/2006 10:48 am:
It really does become a business thing at this point. I have read and been warned not to let emotion get in the way and give away the farm as they say.
We may just go with an arbitrator.
Thanks for the advice.

rm_AnOddGirl 57F
3469 posts
7/21/2006 10:22 am

Big Hug and a pat on the ass.

SpaceRangerNJ replies on 7/21/2006 10:45 am:
Hey, that stung.
Do it again!
Thanks for the hug.

JazzDlight 59F

7/21/2006 2:58 pm

Arbitration/Mediation would be good if the two of you cannot work out things with you and your lawyers. Here in PA they are called Masters in Divorce and they have the final say of who gets what if the parties cannot agree how to divided marital assets. Just remember to hire an attorney that is well versed in family law because they are the ones that are up on all the new and changing laws and they can give you the best advice and representation. Also remember that you and she can only divide "marital assets". Anything you had before date of marriage or receive after the divorce papers are filed is considered non marital and does not go into the marital pot as my boss likes to call it. Hopefully, both of you and your attorneys can work out a deal which will make everything go smoother and faster. If that is the case then divorce should go through if it is the same in NJ as PA in about 90 days aka 3 months. It will get better I promise, there will be some adjustments, etc. but this time next year this will all be a distant memory. Hugs, Jazz

SpaceRangerNJ replies on 7/24/2006 7:02 am:
I'm not sure Arbitration/Mediation is the same in NJ. It is an alternative to lawyers as I understand it. I will know more as I investigate.
In my consultation with a lawyer they gave me the rundown on the finacial rules and assests. It was nice to know things I inherited will remain mine.
It's funny to think that there will be another side to all this. That is surely will in a year be past us. I hope it doesn't get dragged out. There are a lot of details and work to be done to close down a house. And then figuring out where to live.
Thanks for all your support.


7/21/2006 3:43 pm

Oh sweetie... huge hugg from the both of us.. you know you can call any time..
It will get better..

under the stars
We choose to write
you choose what you comprehend.
read twice and be nice
every key stroke... has a heart beat

SpaceRangerNJ replies on 7/24/2006 6:44 am:
Thank you both. Everything is smooth right now. Who knows as the details start to get worked out. I'm sure it will be stressful.

angelofmercy5 58F
17881 posts
7/21/2006 8:58 pm

~hugs~ ~hugs~ and more ~hugs! Always.

SpaceRangerNJ replies on 7/24/2006 6:45 am:
Thanks. Thanks and More Thanks for all the hugs.

LustyTaurus 48M  
21253 posts
7/21/2006 10:48 pm

Hears a great big NON-SEXUAL's more like a Middle line backer taking out the quarterback'll be able to breath agin in a few seconds...

This can go smooth...I am proof of it. My divorce cost about $150.00 for the lawyer to graft a document for joint custody...the assets we split on our own. I got the best ex-wife on the was sad and stressful at the time as change often is. We just kept putting our child first.

SpaceRangerNJ replies on 7/24/2006 6:49 am:
Little did you know, This little guy is rock solid and your tackle was ineffective - you just bounced off. LOL That was hilarious.

I think it will go smoothly. Good to know it can be that way. No custody or child support issues here. Not my biological daughter, almost 18 as well. Assets should be easy (crosses his fingers). What did you do about Alimony?
Daughter is OK with this; wants us to be happy.

Whispersoftly5 52F
15176 posts
7/22/2006 8:08 pm


SpaceRangerNJ replies on 7/24/2006 6:50 am:
Thanks for the Big hug

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