damage, aftermath, recovery... a year in the life of  

Sorceror07 54M
6063 posts
10/12/2005 6:08 am

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

damage, aftermath, recovery... a year in the life of

not really mellow... more like introspective

now i realize what the fuck is wrong with me... it's nothing but a thing. this last year has been a wild emotional roller coaster ride, upside down and running full blast and now the ride is over and the adreniline is dissipating leaving me drained, spent, tired.

my marriage ending was the main one, the band and all the associated garbage that comes along when there's a prima donna in the practice studio, and we had 2 of them now both are gone, changing careers, my mom's heart attack, moving out of the house i built into the one i'm in now... i'm sure i can list much more too...

it's been a like a sliegh ride through hell at times and at times not, and while all this was going on i was my normal upbeat self... just riding the waves, avoiding most of the pitfalls, skillfully navigating the eddys and currents like i were in a kayak. now that the ride is over and i've passed through the light at the end of the tunnel all that is left is one huge sigh of relief... or that is what it should be, but it's not. maybe this is what post traumatic stress disorder is? i dont know.

i've never kept a diary before, and i actually find this to be rather theraputic in a way. being able to organize some thoughts, perhaps someone out there makes an encouraging statement, perhaps someone out there makes a disparraging one (cant wait for that to happen *evil grin*) j/k.

usually my outlet for all the angst i felt went onto a piece of canvas, or a piece of watercolor paper... turning my pain into art, as it were. this time however, i was unable to do that... i had too much going on at the same time, my new house does not have a garage so all my tools, art supplies and everything i do not have a place for is stuffed into the 3rd bedroom... my drafting table and eisel cannot be set up, my paints cannot be layed out, my brushes, erasers, palate knives etc. need the entire room by itself for me to effectively use them... and i cant even get past the doorway lol! i hate disorder in my living spaces... the rest of my house is immaculate but that room represents what i've been through this last year. and it's a mess!

after i've cleaned up my messes i feel much better, i have a few messes to clean up before i can deal with that one though... and at the same time i still have what i have to deal with. if patience is a virtue i'm not very virtueous... i need to cultivate a little patience with myself it seems... and i will.

photo icon is original art: Wisdom (colored dyes) 1981


...That which does not kill me merely pisses me off!...


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