Euthanesia Services..... the doctor is in  

Sorceror07 54M
6063 posts
1/11/2006 10:05 pm

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

Euthanesia Services..... the doctor is in

recently, many bloggers have been off-ing themselves. it has come to my attention that bloggers of such renown as silkysmoothlegs3 saintlianna Sister_Act_4_You travelingintexas and caressmewelli'm sure there's more on the way... have committed suicide or died in a most comically horrific way.

to wit... i am offering my "services" ...these services are quite unique and i offer a vast menu depending on how much you can afford...

i'm of course referring to Euthanasia Services... ala Dr. Jack Kevorkian .... with a twist...

the menu is as follows:

1. The Aztec Send-off... i will dress up as an Aztec priest and lay you out on top of the pyramid of the sun in Tenochtitlan, flay open your chest, rip out your heart with my bare hands and hold it up for all to see while it's still beating... take a bite, give it to my "assistants" for a snack, and roll your body down the steps for the crowd to ritually cannibalize... thus renewing the cycle of the cosmos for another year. (this is a specialty service and requires 24 hours notice) 100,000 pesos

2. The KGB Special... speaking with a thick russian accent and dressed in soviet state police uniform, I and a few "comrades" of mine will sinisterly abduct you and take you to the dungeon in the Kremlin... where we will hang you from a chain on a hook in the ceiling, beat you senseless for weeks on end... extract a confession and then take you to... The Room... where you will be un-ceremoniously shot in the back of the head with a russian made 41 caliber pistol. (this also requires you to have your visa updated or current) 84,000 rubles

3. The Bloody Mary... dressed up as sir francis bacon, me and the lads will arrest you in the name of queen elizabeth and inter you in the tower of london for 6 weeks... then, we will bring you down to the chopping block and it's... off with your head! woohoo!!! and the crowd goes wild! 14,000 quid

4. Bastille Day... you may be either King Louis or Marie Antoinette (and yes you may say "Let Them Eat Cake" for nominal service charge). I will arrange for an angry mob of frenchies to roughly manhandle you and bring you to my specially constructed custom made guillotine for a very nice fast be-heading. 8000 euros

5. Texas Chainsaw Massacre... need i really explain this one? $1500 US

6. Bates Motel... yes, we use a kitchen knife while you are taking a shower... $1600 US

7. The Captain Kidd... avast ye landlubbers! walk the plank in the shark infested waters of the Caribbean! $1000 US

8. Pistols at Dawn... we have a duel with authentic 18th century dueling pistols... your's isn't loaded of course the 10 paces are no extra charge, and yes, you will be permitted to dress up as Alexander Hamilton if you wish. $900 US

9. The Luca Bratzi... you gets ta sleep wid da fishes, cement shoes no extra charge. $500 US

and for those that can only afford the bare minimum... we have the following:

10. The West Virginia Extravaganza!... we throw you down the well... $50 US

so if you want it done right the first time... don't do it yourself! ... hire a professional and get service with a smile ... ok, a devilish smile!

photo icon is original artwork: "Jack Death" (electronic media) 2004


...That which does not kill me merely pisses me off!...


CelticKarma 43F
1350 posts
1/11/2006 11:38 pm

Ummm... do youhave the Orgasmatron available?

You know.... that machine that was in Barbarella... the one that orgasmed you to death...


Sorceror07 54M

1/12/2006 7:12 am

yes, but it's undergoing ...repairs. our last customer was very rough on it and it's still in the workshop. we apologize for the inconvience.

...That which does not kill me merely pisses me off!...


rm_metalmama69 42F
3878 posts
1/12/2006 11:58 am

Way cool Sorceror! I have a few ideas of my own to add to your list....


caressmewell 53F

1/12/2006 12:20 pm

Adult Friend


Sorceror07 54M

1/12/2006 12:25 pm

trav! ...for you it's #5 ...as if there could be any doubt! bwahahahaha!

...That which does not kill me merely pisses me off!...


CelticKarma 43F
1350 posts
1/12/2006 2:50 pm

Repairs... oh dear. Do you know when it will be available?


Sister_Act_4_You 38F/38F

1/12/2006 3:00 pm

Hey, Trav?? Plano is going to reanimate me, so *I* get to have a go at one of these!

But I, too, am torn....at least I've narrowed it down to either the KGB Special, The Bloody Mary, or Bastille Day.

::::digging in pocket::::

I have about a dollar ninety-eight; given the current exchange rate, I am close on any of them, right?


slidein2meplz 62F
1994 posts
1/12/2006 3:55 pm

...**slide mumbles to herself...Damn too many to choose from...orgasmatron is broke, so I guess that ones out...wonder how much that one costs? ....I need to figure out this damn currency...how much American is rubles? Crap I oughta know what it is in Pesos...Oh I just don't know. I guess I'll have to think about it some more...maybe the orgasmatron will be fixed by tomorrow...I hope I get to it before Celtic Karma does. Note to self...remember to ask Sorceror how much it costs and how long does it take to kill ya..

Slide...leaves shop shaking her head....still mumbling**

~~~ Just me, poppin to say HI! ~~


Synn74 42F
1206 posts
1/12/2006 6:08 pm

I'll take a KGB special please





I welcome you to the House of Syn...


Sorceror07 54M

1/12/2006 6:15 pm

    Quoting rm_metalmama69:
    Way cool Sorceror! I have a few ideas of my own to add to your list....
oh? pray... do tell

...That which does not kill me merely pisses me off!...


Sorceror07 54M

1/12/2006 6:17 pm

    Quoting CelticKarma:
    Repairs... oh dear. Do you know when it will be available?
hopefully by monday

care to try it out?

...That which does not kill me merely pisses me off!...


Sorceror07 54M

1/12/2006 6:20 pm

    Quoting Sister_Act_4_You:
    Hey, Trav?? Plano is going to reanimate me, so *I* get to have a go at one of these!

    But I, too, am torn....at least I've narrowed it down to either the KGB Special, The Bloody Mary, or Bastille Day.

    ::::digging in pocket::::

    I have about a dollar ninety-eight; given the current exchange rate, I am close on any of them, right?


mmm, a dollar ninty-eight.... well, rubles, pounds and euros are out... however, you're right in with the pesos...

how about a #1 ...it's my speciality

...That which does not kill me merely pisses me off!...


Sorceror07 54M

1/12/2006 6:22 pm

mmm, which one would you like? also...special orders don't upset us

...That which does not kill me merely pisses me off!...


dark_whispers 38F

1/13/2006 1:58 am

ahh..choices..choices.. ill take an Aztec send off please..


Sorceror07 54M

1/13/2006 6:25 am

    Quoting Synn74:
    I'll take a KGB special please


cerrrrtainly babushka! *makes a phone call to comrade berria and comrad stalin*

...That which does not kill me merely pisses me off!...


Sorceror07 54M

1/13/2006 6:34 am

    Quoting dark_whispers:
    ahh..choices..choices.. ill take an Aztec send off please..
absolutamente!!! your airfare with complimentry tequilla shooters has been arranged

...That which does not kill me merely pisses me off!...


a_poetman 45M

1/13/2006 7:59 am

I would like the Aztec sendoff too, can we save if we buy in bulk?


silkysmoothlegs3 105F

1/14/2006 3:32 am

Ok
Ive decided
KISS me to death
Smother me with your sexy body
giggles


Babel__Fish 45F

1/14/2006 7:03 am

I choose #7. The Captain Kidd... avast ye landlubbers! walk the plank in the shark infested waters of the Caribbean!

At least I get a vacation out of the deal!

Babel


rm_saintlianna 45F
15466 posts
1/14/2006 1:24 pm

Oooh oooh ooh #3!!!! Shit, I will have to get a loan.


TabithaElectra79 38F

1/16/2006 2:16 am

I'm scared...very scared!


Sorceror07 54M

1/16/2006 12:39 pm

    Quoting a_poetman:
    I would like the Aztec sendoff too, can we save if we buy in bulk?
i was thinking of that.....hmmmm... yes, if all done at the same time for the Aztec send off... there will be a special offer a 2 for 1 deal.. that's half the bargain at twice the price!

...That which does not kill me merely pisses me off!...


Sorceror07 54M

1/16/2006 12:42 pm

    Quoting rm_dodgyhippy:
    Sorceror07

    Thankyou very much for your very kind offer. I was particularly impressed with the range of services you offer. However at this moment in time, I don't believe I need to take advantage of any of them.

    Perhaps another time!

    .....er Sir!
very well, i'll assign one at random hehehe!

...That which does not kill me merely pisses me off!...


Sorceror07 54M

1/16/2006 12:54 pm

    Quoting silkysmoothlegs3:
    Ok
    Ive decided
    KISS me to death
    Smother me with your sexy body
    giggles
...hold the pickles, hold the lettuce, special orders DON'T upset us!

i'll be right over!

all other orders are on hold for at least a week... possibly two

...That which does not kill me merely pisses me off!...


Sorceror07 54M

1/16/2006 12:57 pm

    Quoting Babel__Fish:
    I choose #7. The Captain Kidd... avast ye landlubbers! walk the plank in the shark infested waters of the Caribbean!

    At least I get a vacation out of the deal!

    Babel
shivvver me timbers and rustle me sails, it's a pirate's life fer meee! harrrrrrrrr!

#7 is my favorite too, i also get a two week cruise out of it!

...That which does not kill me merely pisses me off!...


Sorceror07 54M

1/16/2006 1:01 pm

    Quoting rm_saintlianna:
    Oooh oooh ooh #3!!!! Shit, I will have to get a loan.
it's ok, i know you're good for it... besides, if you don't pay it back you'll "sleep wid da fishes"

or i can always take it out in trade after all... you'll have nothing to do for 6 weeks, all alone in the tower of london... wouldn't you like a male visitor dressed up as sir francis bacon, complete with a filled out codpiece to keep you company in that cold drafty cell?

ohhh! a 666 post, my favorite! heheh!

...That which does not kill me merely pisses me off!...


Sorceror07 54M

1/16/2006 1:04 pm

awww! don't be scared... this won't hurt a bit

...That which does not kill me merely pisses me off!...


Sorceror07 54M

1/17/2006 1:42 am

    Quoting rm_mzhunyhole:
    They all sound good..when I'm ready to go..I'll get back to ya...
hehe! yes, they all are... well, except for the getting thrown down the well that one is painful and not very glamorous and we're applying the group rate for the #1 ... the Aztec Send-Off ... in case you are interested ... for a limited time only

...That which does not kill me merely pisses me off!...


Sorceror07 54M

1/18/2006 8:41 am

    Quoting candy69sosweet:
    LMAO! I would have to take either the Bastille Day since I'm of French descent, or the Bloody Mary...in hopes that a dashing Brit would cum to my rescue....oh, how I love that British accent!

    Kisses & Hugs,
    Candy

it will have to be the Bastille Day since saintlianna is currently residing in the Tower of London's Queen of Scots suite.

i too am of french decsent... Vive le France!!! you may now say... let them eat cake!

...That which does not kill me merely pisses me off!...


Sorceror07 54M

1/20/2006 6:58 am

    Quoting candy69sosweet:
    les permettre de manger du g√Ęteau (au chocolat!)

    Tres bien, monsieur, Vive la France!

    [iles baisers & embrasse
    Candy

well said

...That which does not kill me merely pisses me off!...


Become a member to create a blog