156 posts
3/14/2006 4:56 pm

Last Read:
3/18/2006 6:10 am


I am punishing myself with a wool sweater today. I don't know why else I would wear it except to give myself the itchies all day.

Well, it's purple, and it's vneck and I do love the color. But it makes me itch. I don't know why I keep it.

I wonder sometimes if we don't punish ourselves subsconciously. I have to wonder if the reason I haven't told C to file his fucking divorce papers is because I'm punishing myself for some unknown offense against him. Consciously, I know I haven't done a thing that would warrant his behavior or treatment of me for the better part of 18 months. (oh, when I'm there, he's great but that's cause he wants sex, I'm sure - right now, there's an outstanding email for him (sent 3 times) that he has yet to respond to in 3 weeks)

I know that when I make poor food choices, I punish myself by yelling at my inner self. So maybe - just maybe - we do it more than we realize.

Or, maybe I'm just full of shit and cranky today because my sweater is making me itch.

Im_in_need_of_u 44M
23 posts
3/14/2006 6:42 pm

Itchy, Annoyed, punishing? You are in a state of turmoil and need to recover! Life is influenced, changed, modified and manipulated by the forces of nature, will and human behavior. To reflect back and dwell upon changes that have accrued in your past is succumbing to the power of memories. You should allow today's influences to prevail over yesterdays memories, but never let them completely fade away! Your network invitation has been accepted and I hope you have the time to chat someday. My YIM Handle is listed in my Profile!

rm_madisonman34 47M

3/17/2006 10:56 pm

I am my own worst enemy... or ... I am my biggest critic... seems too be very inspired words spoken many many moons ago. but it is a basic need too force ourselves too improve i also goes along with the ego in everyone too match themselves up against either ... other folks... one's view of themselves ((( ideal view ))) and where we match too that view...everything has ratings nowdays ... movies, music, it stands too reason that we do it the most with ourselves.

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