My Dog Eats Everything  

SmartType 51F
560 posts
8/5/2006 6:55 pm

Last Read:
1/28/2007 10:47 pm

My Dog Eats Everything

I have a puppy, who just turned a year old and is tipping the scales at 87lbs. He's extremely sweet and smart, and is still very much in the chewing stage. His middle name now is Chew-matic. He's destroyed over 15 pairs of shoes, sitting pillows, several books, the house phone, one cell phone, and four remotes, the cable to the TV, large decorative houseplants and one leg to my coffee table. Anything left on the counter is considered fair game to him and it has been on more than one occasion I'll arrive home to find that he ate a whole box of crackers or bag of chips that I forgot to put out of his reach. Since I shop at Costco we are talking about super-sized portions. It really wouldn't surprise me if he learns to open the refrigerator and start making himself some sandwiches. So over the course of the year, there has been a lot of repair and replacement going on. Recently he totally destroyed a friends glasses that had been left on the coffee table twisting them into an unrecognizable shape - and pulverizing the lenses. Anyway it's interesting to see how his dietary supplements show up in his poo. There was even one occasion, on picking up a large pile, I could probably have reassembled an entire remote back to a functioning state.

Well a few months back, I had a met a fellow who I became intimate with. We had one session that lasted for hours in which several condoms were used. Well those were flung on the floor to be picked up later. We however in a sweaty and exhausted state jumped in the shower first, but only after letting a whiny puppy into the room. Upon drying off my friend goes to pick up the detritus of our session and we realize that the dog had eaten at least 4-5 condoms. He was alarmed, but I told him not to worry - because it was most likely to be pooped out in a few days. Well that's exactly what happened. And the hilarity was where it happened. I try to walk my dog 3-4 miles a day, and we have our route and a play area that I take him to. So there I was with all the other dog owners as the pups frolicked. All of a sudden my dog stops dead in his tracks and does the Super-Poop hunch gazing forward with intense concentration. Anyway, here came the condoms, and it was obvious what it was. I non-chalantly pull out a bag and put the poo in it to remove it from the park. So totally busted. I got a great big grin and a laugh from one of the other dog owners (who is a gorgeous 50ish doctor) and a polite inquiry as to how my dating life was going. I must have turned 12 different shades of red.

Needless to say - I try to pick up after myself a little better.

gloriousjourney 39M
62 posts
8/5/2006 7:51 pm


amoldenough 69F
16436 posts
8/5/2006 7:56 pm

That was funny. Some pooch. Too bad about all of the ruined shoes and things. Enjoy him while he's young. Kinda like a kid.

"Don't cry because it's over; smile because it happened."

TallOutdoorType 55M

8/7/2006 7:17 pm

As a lab owner myself a most of those chewing and eating stories brought back memories. But the condom bit is a new one!

Regarding your comment to Mr. Spunky, you mean there are some kinds of flatulence that are inappropriate?

SmartType replies on 8/7/2006 7:46 pm:

it's nice to know I am not alone in the dog world. And yes there are tons of flatulence that are inappropriate - like at the office. If you could take your dog to the office - you could blame it on him though.


rm_texasrockr 50M

9/29/2006 1:36 pm

Thanks for the smile....I needed it after this week.

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