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My gf has been away since the beginning of the year visiting family in Alabama. I've been by myself the whole time. We talk every day by phone and sometimes online. I'm studying for my exam coming up this Tuesday. She will be back the second week of February. I'm bursting at the seams. I can't wait for her to get back.
I have learned something about her over this month apart though. She has great difficulty in telling me bad things that happen to her. There were two incidents that took place that felt like pulling teeth to get her to tell me.
The first incident was with a friend of the family. My gf is very nice to everyone, so she makes friends easily. She and this guy went shopping during the day. He must have read some wrong signals because he tried to force himself on her in his car. She was unable to push him away, but after telling him to stop, he drove her home. He did not go very far with things. He only pushed her arms against the seat and tried to kiss her. Yes, my feelings are leaning more towards wanting to beat him down with a bat and feed him to the alligators. Since the incident, he has apologized, but my gf has steered clear of him as much as she can. She won't tell anyone what happened either, which bugs the hell out of me.
The second thing that happened has been mentioned in one of my previous blogs. Her cousin was killed in one of the storms that went through Bama. It was someone she was very close to, so it had a huge effect on her. She was crying her eyes out, but I didn't know why. However, she did not want to talk to me on the phone at the time because she was crying and didn't want me to hear her like that. We went online to talk, but she still couldn't tell me even the most simplest of explanations. I feel like I should be the shoulder she can cry on. I want to be there for her as much as possible, but I can only do so much if she keeps things from me. While giving her time and space crossed my mind, I also knew how she handles death. Let's just say it's not something she can tolerate well. Eventually, she told me and I was able to start making her feel more secure and even got a few smiles out of her at times. I was able to give her something to grab hold of and hopefully accept what had happened to someone who was like a sister to her.
I've spent the last few years of my life learning how to talk to people and ask the right questions to get them to open up to me. Patients are in a situation where they may be scared, depressed, angry, or even outright crazy. I still was able to communicate with these people and help them somehow. Why is it then, that the person who loves me so much shows so much resistance to letting me in? Is she just not ready to open up to me yet? Are there still trust issues that we need to work out?
Actually, a third issue I am concerned about relates to my career. It's hard for people in the medical field to maintain a solid relationship when we spend so much time doing our job and so little time with the ones we love. She occasionally throws little tantrums when my obligation to study overrides our talk time on the phone. She says she's fine with what I want to do with my life, but somehow, I think she doesn't fully understand how my priorities are set. Usually, they are non-negotiable.