Having doubts  

SlimGoodGuy 38M
154 posts
3/16/2006 9:49 pm

Last Read:
3/19/2006 2:14 am

Having doubts

I'm slowly running out of steam in this relationship. From the start, she has always been the one doubting my love for her. She's had some bad boyfriends in the past and they've always cheated on her. In her mind, I'm supposed to be like them and will end up leaving her. Her doubt always rears its ugly head every few days and I've warned her that this doubt actually pushes me further away because no matter what I say or do, her fears do not subside. Every conversation at some point involves her asking me if I love her.

Now she is becoming very needy and has always been clingy. I really don't mind the clinging, but I'm starting to wonder if she latched onto me to fill some sort of void rather than for love. The sex is also starting to slow down and feels more like work to make her cum because she holds it in for 30 to 40 minutes. It would be so easy to give her multiple orgasms, but she is hell bent on holding out until she's ready to cum. I can't even get her to cum giving oral because I get her there, but she stops me and wants penetration. Ladies, if you could cum during foreplay, wouldn't you? Sex turns into a missionary marathon from hell. I'm not in the best of shape either. I'm slim, but I don't exercise as much as I should. Sex turns into a sweaty tiresome ordeal. I'm ready to collapse after we both cum. There are also so many things I've been wanting to try, but when I bring it up, it gets shot down and after she gets what she wants, I'm out of energy to do anything I like. To add insult to injury, she dries up after that. I have to start all over if I want to keep us going.

I consider myself fairly realistic and to the point. I know my boundaries and I know what I want out of a relationship. I know I'm not the easiest person to be in a relationship with. I'm very serious and dedicated to becoming a doctor. My concept of love involves compromise and understanding from both sides, but my chosen profession has very little room for compromise. If I give too much away, I can kiss it goodbye. She claims she is fine with me being dedicated to studying, etc, but when it comes time for me to hit the books, she cries that she needs more time with me.

She goes on quite a few trips related to family affairs and the phone calls usually end with me knowing I have to get going and her on the other end begging for 5 more minutes and then 5 more, and so on. Now before you say anything, I'm aware of how long distance relationships go. I can only name two or three couples I know who have been able to make it work. I recognize the frustration before it hits me, for instance, over the phone and it subsides. I know I'm not going to stray from the relationship. However, at the drop of a hat, she can go from happy happy to not wanting to call me the next day at all. She caves pretty quick, although she has told me in the past she doesn't really mean what she says. That behavior is finally taking its toll. I can go days without hearing from her, but she needs almost constant reassurance. When I start my residency, we will have even less talk time. She's actually heading off to school before I even line up my next batch of rotations.

I don't know how much info in the last paragraph is really pertinent to the problem at hand, but those kinds of things stay on my mind. I feel like the only one doing anything in this relationship. Our 1 year anniversary is coming up on the 28th. That's why I'm at my wits end. Where do I go from here?

Ladyblue85 58F

3/16/2006 10:09 pm

jeez Slim, sounds like my 2nd marriage --- him being INSECURE, needy and always wanting me to tell him I loved him, yet I was the one mentally and physically abused for 4 years. Strange how people show "love". As a woman, I say, drop the bitch FAST!! If she can't give u time to do what u want to do or NEED to do w/o giving u a guilt-trip, better to be alone.

Ladyblue85 58F

3/16/2006 10:12 pm

Oops, missed that line about u being in med. school --- hell honey, if she's this needy and clingy now, what will she be like if ur working 24 hr. shifts and only have time to sleep?? Or god forbid, u marry her?? The next step in her behavior will be neurotic jealousy -- been there, done that.

LustGoddess2469 49F  
2453 posts
3/16/2006 10:41 pm

Run away! Run away!


SaucyNSassy 39F

3/16/2006 11:27 pm

You are stressed right now about your relationship. Once you start your residency you are really going to need support from her not more stress. It will be not only mentally but physically challenging. You sound like a very intelligent man. I know that it is hard to end a relationship that you invested a year in but you should. You need someone who trusts you and she doesn't. She has issues w/ ex's that she needs to get past on her own. Sounds to me like she is causing you more trouble than happiness. She will bring you down.
As for cumming... If I could cum I would cum as fast and as often as possible. It's almost impossible for me to orgasm and it's not by choice.
I wish you tons of luck Hon!

rm_AnOddGirl 57F
3469 posts
3/17/2006 6:10 pm


I work with residents, have for over 18 years. Honey, get your house in order, cos the time you will have, you'll be lucky to breath, let alone get laid and have to work at that too?

Send her off to her school with "Ill have no time, I'm sure that you will find someone at school that will".

I ended a bad relationship by simply saying that everything wrong with it was my fault. He bought it and left. Which was EXACTLY what I wanted. I was okay, he wasn't.


SlimGoodGuy 38M

3/17/2006 10:31 pm

Thanks for the advice everyone. I had a talk with her today making my concerns known. I reminded her what kinds of things will require my attention later in life. I made it very clear that she has to be able to handle it. I'll be paying very close attention to whether or not she makes any changes. Now I think I should look at myself to see if there are things I can work on. It's the least I can do.

mangomamiCT 41F

3/18/2006 8:59 pm

Slim , you do understand that this woman will never be satisfied . She is looking to you to fix things that you cannot fix . They are hers alone . She will never allow you the time you need .She will break your career before it even starts and then blame you for being a failure . Somehow you haven't tired of this childish behavior yet . Maybe when your studies are in serious trouble you will choose YOU first .

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