Staring at my navel  

AstirRelicLatah 64M
1288 posts
8/19/2006 10:08 am

Last Read:
8/24/2006 10:07 am

Staring at my navel


For the past several days I’ve been writing pretty introspective posts. I’ve always called this navel staring. It often happens before something major comes about in my life….I have no idea what that major thing is, but it feels like its coming.

Yesterday I was writing about activities that transport us and the day before it was about connections. The responses that I got were way better than either of the posts. I got a chance to think and get a little clearer on each of those topics with each reader that left a response.

I just got an interesting invitation to start testing myself again today. This invitation is intriguing. I’ve not done anything outside of my head for human potential or growth in many years. I’ve mostly found those activities when I’ve done them have been very good for me, but there have been times……….I’ll need to have some conversations about this, both with myself and this other person.

The question I’m asking today is whether all of this introspection that I’ve been doing really means anything. I do have a tendency to over think things….I also am really enjoying navel staring, but at some point it’s time to stop staring and actually take action.

I guess my problem right now is that I have no idea what action I should or want to take. I’m feeling that my entire mental and physical antenna is on high. I’m being stimulated in ways that I haven’t been for a very long time….The stimulation is coming to me intellectually, physically, sexually, metaphysically and in a spiritual form.

At the same time I’m feeling very loved and challenged at the same time. I’ve never been a believer in the concept of unconditional love. I think that with love comes expectations and with expectations we often receive and deliver disappointment.

I’ve been reading a lot about disappointment lately in the blog writing of others…maybe even in my own. *grin* What just became a little clear to me as much of this disappointment comes from expectations that are not met. But, if we don’t go for the ring, we never have the opportunity of experiencing the joy from expectations that are met.

Being scared is part and parcel of the whole experience. Seeing a request come through that is just that, a simple request…It shouldn’t send me into a panic and questions about myself, but it does….Is it time for a gut check and some truth for myself or is it just about growth? Right now I don’t have the answer…but I do have the questions. My experience tells me that living with the questions, as uncomfortable as that may be is the right thing to do now….

So what are the questions that you’re struggling with? Do they make you uncomfortable and if so, does the uncomfortable feeling give you an opportunity for growth and peace? I don’t know the answer for me, but thanks for taking part in this ongoing conversation. You don’t know how much you’ve helped.

rm_shannee2006 52F
3355 posts
8/19/2006 12:08 pm

You found your way here by thinking backwards. And you've found catalysts for more thought and evolution here. Seems to me that your desire for something new in your life-some experience or person that would open you up (at least I think I remember you saying at some point that this is what you sought when you found your way here)is only going to be possible if you make shifts that can accomodate that.

Remember your goals...are they matching your experience? Are the goals still valid or have they melted before something better than you imagined?

LOL! I often irritate people by adding to their questions when they are already uncertain. Personally, I think that you get better answers when you have as many questions as possible about something and when you have the best questions to ask yourself...but that's just me.

The questions I'm stuggling with? Can I follow my gut and risk my heart again? Can I keep my focus on my healing and on what's important in my life? Can I bring my sexuality into balance with other parts of my life? Will I loose more opportunities while I shuffle my feet and struggle?

Discomfort makes me powerful because it forces me to find solutions. What I don't want is pain. I can shift and evolve and find solutions without pain much of the time unless I am working on a stubborn issue. Then I just can't seem to make the shifts until I am in pain. I am too weak regarding those changes that need to be made. The pain is the only thing that will make me strong enough to shift. Simple as that and as dumb as that sometimes...but it's the truth of my nature at this point in my life. I am accepting it for the moment, but I always try to get my lessons with simple discomfort instead. I'm getting good at that.

((hugs))

Yup...this juiciness is from me....

S


AstirRelicLatah replies on 8/19/2006 2:12 pm:
The more questions the better. I think my goals are also still intact. The navel staring I'm doing is a rest while my internal processes catch up. Sometimes it takes minutes, sometimes weeks and sometimes months. I just know that I have to give me time to catch up with me. *grin* I also enjoy being pushed along the path and you certainly are helping to do that with me.

If you don't risk your heart, you don't live, at least it appears that way to me. Keeping your focus is about living and staying centered. The more I think about this, the more I'm realizing it's staying in a place where life comes to me and that is being centered.

Once again your comments have helped with a new distinction. Thanks.

wickedeasy 66F  
25445 posts
8/19/2006 12:27 pm

my questions:

when do you go from being humane to being a patsy
if you love fully, and are not loved fully, is that something you can deal with
how important is loyalty from folks that you know only in a professional arena
am i paying attention to what i need or just blindly going after what i want
does anyone ever really feel heard - especially since we all spend so much time censoring ourselves
just because i feel it, does that make it real

grins - next time, don't ask - smiles

You cannot conceive the many without the one.


AstirRelicLatah replies on 8/19/2006 2:18 pm:
I can't answer the questions for you, but I'll try for me.

1. You go from humane to being a patsy when you stop being true to yourself and live for someone else's needs.
2. Yes, love is about something I give out. Having multiple sources of love can help in this matter.
3. It's important only in the matter of trust. I'm more interested in respect than loyalty. People in the professional arena are interested in positive outcomes for themselves. Altruism where you put yourself behind your needs doesn't work professionally, at least in my experience.
4. I don't know if we blindly go after anything. This question feels like one you should answer.
5. I think being heard is a personal thing. I'm not sure others really hear us, but we hear ourselves through others.
6. Again, I think this question is probably better answered by you. If I feel with passion and intensity, yes it's real for me. Again, I think that's all that counts. Feelings are a very personal thing.

My guess is these were questions for you, but I wanted to answer them also. I'll keep asking and you can also. *grins*, eventually I'll even stop staring at my navel.

JuicyBBW1001 54F

8/19/2006 6:09 pm

Aww I see you are trying to make peace with some skeletons?? It is hard work no doubt and there have been times when I didn't want to live through the pain. Times when I wanted to drink heavily again or turn to the needle and forget all that I have accomplished.
But life has a funny way of propelling you forward and sometimes even forcing change whether we are ready for it or not. All I can say is enjoy the ride along the way and keep reaching for the stars.

Juicy


AstirRelicLatah replies on 8/20/2006 3:47 am:
I don't really see it as making peace with skeletons. I've done that a long time ago. It's pulling on past experiences of significant personal growth. For me that's recognizing what will most likely happen in the process. One of the advantages of age, I've done this a couple of times already. Thanks for the comment, it helped.

rm_aWench4U 61M/61F
741 posts
8/20/2006 1:38 am

I've been accused of over-thinking issues many times, but I'm not totally convinced that I do. Maybe it's one of those fine lines between thoroughly looking at all sides of an issue and over-thinking it. For me the difference is whether or not I take action after I've looked at all the factors, or keep thinking about it, playing endless "what if" games. If I just keep thinking about it, but never DO anything, it's over-thinking. And I just thought that through! Thanks!

The questions I'm struggling with don't have any easy, or clearly right vs. wrong responses. I love it and hate it that life isn't black and white, but lived in the multiple shades of gray. It would be easier if everything was black and white, but far less satisfying with only two choices. Anyway, my questions:

** Should I continue filling out applications and hold out for a teaching position, or look for a job in a related field?
** If I look in a related field, do I focus on the Puget Sound area, or am I open to relocating? If so, how far away am I willing to go?
** Should I go back to school, AGAIN, and finish up the 16 credits I need for my masters? If so, how will I balance school, work and a personal life at the same time?
** Should I wait for the man who holds my heart to come get the rest of me, or ransom it and try to move on?

All of the above questions make me rather uncomfortable because they are all about major changes in my life. I've had so many changes in the last three years that I'd really like to have a season of peace. However, the peace that I seek is not available until I settle a few of the aforementioned questions. Talk about a Catch 22!

Remember the past but do not dwell there.
Face the future where all our hopes stand.


~Angela


AstirRelicLatah replies on 8/20/2006 3:51 am:
Lots of very good questions. But, I think there are larger questions that might need attention first. I encourage you to think about what your life purpose is, what is your unique ability in life (we all have at least one), what gives you the most joy, what causes the most pain. When you answer these questions, my guess is the answers to the four questions you posed will become obvious to you. Good luck and thanks for stopping by.

rm_shannee2006 52F
3355 posts
8/20/2006 7:49 am

Wow...it was really fun to come back here and read what everyone wrote after me. Some terrific questions...REally terrific ones. Thanks everyone!

Yup...this juiciness is from me....

S


AstirRelicLatah replies on 8/20/2006 7:53 am:
I agree.

druidrocker 62F

8/20/2006 4:49 pm

"I guess my problem right now is that I have no idea what action I should or want to take. I’m feeling that my entire mental and physical antenna is on high. I’m being stimulated in ways that I haven’t been for a very long time….The stimulation is coming to me intellectually, physically, sexually, metaphysically and in a spiritual form.

At the same time I’m feeling very loved and challenged at the same time. I’ve never been a believer in the concept of unconditional love. I think that with love comes expectations and with expectations we often receive and deliver disappointment."


I didn't see it or feel it but somewhere in the past few days/weeks you crawled into my brain and heart and read me loud and clear. I hope you receive considerable feed back to this blog - because I sincerely hope we can find some answers - I don't spend time staring at my navel but all the meditation and talking have gotten me only to the point where instead of answers I feel very much like a race car on a drag strip waiting for the green light - engine revved, tires smoking, adrenalin pumping and the light is stuck on yellow.


AstirRelicLatah replies on 8/20/2006 6:24 pm:
I did and it's been wonderful. Staring at my navel is my metaphor for meditation and contemplation. *grin* If I take all of this too seriously I start to put myself to sleep...I think you very succinctly covered my thoughts when I've been reading your blog...It feels like somethings about to pop for you, I just haven't been able to put my finger on it. Thanks so much for your comments, I like your energy a lot.

catkit13 66F

8/23/2006 10:27 pm

i was lucky enough to experience unconditional love once in my life, and the man is still in my life 17 years later, tho in a much different position. i still consider him "the great love of my life," tho we both know we have no future together other than as best friends.
was the pain, the disappointment, the heartache worth having this relationship? YOU BET! i'd not change those feelings, eliminate that pain, ignore the emotions, ever ever ever


AstirRelicLatah replies on 8/24/2006 7:27 am:
Unconditional love, such a wonderful thing. I only thought dogs were capable of that...*grin*, not humans.

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