Monogamy  

AstirRelicLatah 64M
1288 posts
7/27/2006 5:32 am

Last Read:
8/4/2006 4:06 pm

Monogamy


I’ve been thinking about the concept of monogamy lately. Society tells us that we are supposed to be monogamous in our relationships. The question I have is this really possible and if possible, is it preferable.

I’m coming to the conclusion that being monogamous is not a preferable state of being. I’ve never thought that the one life mate I choose could fill all of my needs. For years I let my sexual life slide as I got involved in other parts of my life. At the same time I’ve also let relationships slide with others.

I’ve been a fan of what I call the independent-dependent relationship. This is one where you fulfill your own needs and at the same time share your life with another. For the last twenty years or so, I did this with one person. Today I’m thinking that it works better with more than one person.

I realize that I love women. I like chick flicks better than action movies and find conversation with my women friends more interesting for the most part than my male friends. Some of these woman friends I’ve been sexually attracted to as well as intellectually attracted.

I also believe my partners are better off if they have a full relationship with others. The risk we are all taught to fear is what might happen to our “primary” relationship. I’m coming to believe that having full relationships with others doesn’t have to mean a risk to our primary relationship. This certainly is not societies take on human relations, but it seems to make sense to me.

Up to very recently I’ve done nothing about the sexual attraction. I’ve learned that I’ve missed out on a lot in my life. So, this is what brings me to the question of monogamy and whether it’s a good or bad thing in our life. I’m sure I’ll struggle with this question for quite a while.

What are your thoughts on monogamy? Is it good, bad or just not anything that’s important to think about?


rm_songbird5419 62F
305 posts
7/27/2006 6:13 am

My journey of what has turned out to be one of self-discovery began 3-1/2 years ago when I joined A.F.F. I have come to the conclusion that I, for one, am missing the monogamy gene (if there is such a thing) While I really do want a rich, fulfilling "primary" relationship, I'm in no rush. Wnen and if I do find that, it will have to be someone who is like-minded regarding this monogamy question. The American puritanical roots have made us all a little leary of expressing this, but I won't be shy about it anymore. There's no need. That I've opened my mind to this has added immeasurable depth to my life, both sexually and intellectually. It has allowed some pretty amazing people into my little world. I will never go back.

If you are strong and push through the pain and the fear, you often find that happiness is waiting for you on the other side.


AstirRelicLatah replies on 7/27/2006 6:18 am:
That pretty much captures my thoughts. Thanks for stopping by.

angelofmercy5 58F
17881 posts
7/27/2006 7:25 am

This was a great post. And it is a little scary to comment on. But here goes...... If you had asked me this question one year ago today, I would have said something entirely different. I am, according to this post, a female version of you. I have alot of male friends.....and I enjoy there company. But I have been married to one man....and only had sex with this one man. And lately, I find that I want more. I don't think that it is purely a sexual thing. I just think that you can love more than one person at a time. So, this is a question that I've not yet answered....but am thinking about.


AstirRelicLatah replies on 7/27/2006 7:30 am:
Angel - Thanks so much for responding. I'm glad to see there is a yin to my yang on this issue. It is a little scary knowing that at least for me, my life is going to change over the next few months. First, I have to work it out in my brain and then see where it goes in my life. For me, sex is part of sharing with very special people. Again, thanks for sharing. It is scary talking about this stuff.

rm_songbird5419 62F
305 posts
7/27/2006 7:36 am

    Quoting angelofmercy5:
    This was a great post. And it is a little scary to comment on. But here goes...... If you had asked me this question one year ago today, I would have said something entirely different. I am, according to this post, a female version of you. I have alot of male friends.....and I enjoy there company. But I have been married to one man....and only had sex with this one man. And lately, I find that I want more. I don't think that it is purely a sexual thing. I just think that you can love more than one person at a time. So, this is a question that I've not yet answered....but am thinking about.
angel, being non-monogamous and polyamorous are 2 entirely different concepts. Maybe not ENTIRELY different, but quite different. I believe as you do, that it is possible to love more than one person at a time. I know it to be so because I've actually been there. It's quite an amazing thing to have experienced and I'll never lose it! Take your time as you explore yourself and your feelings and be sure to include your husband in your musings. Also, always remember that there are MANY different levels of loving. I can't define that for you–it's something you have to figure out for yourself because it's so very personal. Good luck and happy loving!!

If you are strong and push through the pain and the fear, you often find that happiness is waiting for you on the other side.


wickedeasy 66F  
25338 posts
7/27/2006 12:49 pm

waves to angel - hugs

okay - do i think that monogamy is the only way? no
do i think that people can love more than one person? yes

but here's the thing - when you are madly, passionately in love, when the spirit and the soul jointhe body - then you have something quite extraordinary

i don't crave partners - i crave intimacy

You cannot conceive the many without the one.


AstirRelicLatah replies on 7/27/2006 1:59 pm:
I agree that it's about intimacy. If you aren't going to be intimate on a mental plane with your partner, why bother. I guess sex has transcended a little for me into an activity that must involve the body and mind, which means multiple loves all filling different needs. At least that's what it feels like now. Thanks for joining in.

JuicyBBW1001 54F

7/28/2006 9:54 am

Hmm I have always longed for that ONE special person and maybe that is because I have yet to get married. I sort of skipped marriage in favor of single parenthood. I have no regrets for my decision but it would be nice to find the ONE for me and be happy with that person.

Juicy


AstirRelicLatah replies on 7/28/2006 11:01 am:
So, the question is if you found that one person, do you think you would want it monogamous or another arrangement?

JuicyBBW1001 54F

7/28/2006 11:08 am

I think since I tend to be very loyal I would want monogamy but that remains to be seen since I have not found him yet. My current playmate is otherwise engaged most of the time(he is married)and for now I am satisfied with that but I still long for someone whom doesn't have a ball and chain around their ankle as it where kids excluded because I have one and she is always first.

Juicy


AstirRelicLatah replies on 7/28/2006 12:11 pm:
I truly hope you find what you're looking for. You appear to have tremendous depth and your deserve what you want.

JuicyBBW1001 54F

7/28/2006 1:16 pm

Aww thanks I appreciate that.

Juicy


rm_shannee2006 52F
3355 posts
7/28/2006 7:41 pm

I love more than one man. I found great joy in that too. I still find great joy in loving my husband and I'm happy to love both of the other men in my life. I would have liked to have things work out differently, but they were brief and joy filled relationshps while they lasted.

I don't believe that monogamy really suits people over the long term. I think that people change, needs evolve and that expecting one person to fulfill those needs and always adapt is unreasonable and a recipe for dissatisfaction and pain.

Yup...this juiciness is from me....

S


AstirRelicLatah replies on 7/28/2006 8:12 pm:
I agree. I'm finding that allowing myself to experience different situations is opening my eyes to opportunities and experiences that I had shut off for many years. There's still lots of work to do and new skills for me to learn. For me, many times it's the new skills that are fun and challenging.

Mermaidslut 49F

7/30/2006 9:57 pm

It is possible to have intimacy, and not to have sexual closeness with a person. I prefer to save my passion, for one individual.

I have many close intimate friends of both sexes. We have seen each other through many ups and downs, and life crises. It takes a lot of work to maintain those friendships. It, is very well worth it.


AstirRelicLatah replies on 7/31/2006 3:40 am:
I agree. Thanks for stopping by and commenting.

Become a member to create a blog