This morning...  

Sizzle364
(Juan S)
52M
3683 posts
12/17/2005 3:16 pm

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

This morning...


At 4 am this morning, I found myself in a 24 hour coffee shop, here in Birmingham, Michigan...Reflecting on my entire life...
Frustrated...I wrote my random thoughts into this blog and then I deleted it...my thoughts rang out and was simply unfocused, whining and merely excuses for what I was really feeling...This blog has become the part of my life that has become a clearinghouse for my feelings and some of my internal ideas. Hundreds of faceless people and a few that I interact with here, in real life and by e-mail, know me better than a lot of poeple do in the real world. I have vented and I have shared my joys. Blogging is an addictive thing...i sometimes chastise myself for sharing so openly inside of these electronic pages, but as sexyeyes375 remarked in one of my recent posts...I am piecing my life together.
At 4 am this morning...my emotions of my successes and my failures, my misjudgement occassionally of a few people...false friends, my acceptance of certain individuals that I knew all along were up to no good or simply no good at all period. People I reached out to out of the goodness of my heart to assist. I saw in them things that a lot of other people did not. I saw in them ways that they could better themselves and/or become the people they have always wanted to be. I extended myself, a lot of times...to my own detriment.
At 4 am this morning. I was visited by the Ghost of memories long past. it was then as i have occassionally been subject to, throughout my life that I realized...
Into this world, you arrive alone and you leave this world alone.
What you do in between is up to you. Even surrounded by love ones at your birth and your death. You are still alone.
...and Yes as I am, slowly rising above the flames that have engulfed my world for the last six years...the demons throwing road blocks in my way...I am rising still. Stronger, faster, wiser...yet still alone. Friends, family, lovers...No one.
No one matches the level of loyalty, of selflessness, the intensity of my friendship or my love...no one that I have encountered as of yet, since the one that taught me what Love was all about in the first place. I do NOT wish to harm anyone. Break anyone's heart or dissapoint their expectations. It is this cross that I am cursed to bear, for I know who I am. In ancient times, One would consider me a King, because of my blood line...and as a king, I have responsibilities...a destiny to be fulfilled. In these times, I am the guy down the street that keeps to himself and used to run Detroit's underground Hip Hop scene until his divorce and dissapearance from that scene.
It is 4 am...I am merely preparing for a party tomorrow..Yet...
I feel as though I am preparing for a battle.
A Battle...to reclaim...my life.
Out of the ashes and flames that have sought to consume me over the years, laughing in the eyes of the devil...whether I win or lose...in the middle of this battlefield, called Life...
I am standing...strong...alone...

until the last breath.

Siz

hairbabedelivers 52F

12/18/2005 4:36 am

after years i learned new things this week and it seems you are almost upright and then you slip or get pulled. it is said that those who suffer greatly do so for the greater good.perhaps you are not out of battle. when you get that long break, forgive yourself, it isn't an answer or even a quick fix, but it helps....


silkysmoothlegs3 105F

12/18/2005 7:24 am

writing thins down even if u delete them well it really helps
nice blogg babes
silky xx


Whispersoftly5 52F
15176 posts
12/18/2005 7:44 am

You're so right - this blogging can be addictive and a good one at that because it allows us to put in writing many things we might not consider out loud and gain perspective in seeing our thoughts/words and the responses of others. I just started blogging and am learning that lesson myself. I still have not read all of your blog so don't know a lot about you, but King Sizzle - I'm glad your are in battle to reclaim your life! Fight like hell to do what is right by you and then the one's you love for health, happiness and love!!! Best wishes to you tonight sweetie at your big event, I'll have you in my thoughts!

Whsiper...


spoldrtn812 51F  
1056 posts
12/18/2005 10:47 am

It is this cross that I am cursed to bear, for I know who I am. In ancient times, One would consider me a King, because of my blood line...and as a king, I have responsibilities...a destiny to be fulfilled. In these times, I am the guy down the street that keeps to himself and used to run Detroit's underground Hip Hop scene until his divorce and dissapearance from that scene.

King know that in todays times you are still a KING because only a true King knows his station in life it is for that very reason I LOVE you unconditionally with respect and trust that you are who you say you are but more than that you live the part!!

I don't know where I am going so I'l catch the next party!!

Please, Sign my Guestbook Screw me!


rm_summer765 52F
123 posts
12/18/2005 8:15 pm

You are the Pheonix rising tall and strong from the burning ashes.I know you can overcome any obstacle put before you.


sexyeyes375 47F

12/18/2005 9:07 pm

.. we all take this journey alone not having a script or a roadmap. It isn't the destination, but how we arrive there. At least that is what the fortune cookie said.. (go ahead and add 'in bed' to the end.. )

xx


rm_goddess1946 106F
13518 posts
12/18/2005 10:37 pm

gotta feel it to heal it....

Just a little food for thought.............
If you really want to be happy, nobody can stop you...
{=}


redlipsprincess
(Princess Lips)
51F

12/20/2005 9:07 am

they have 24 hour cofee shops? damn...[i/]

Out of the ashes, my King, rises your Phoenix...

Let him fly!


TTFN


Sizzle364
(Juan S)
52M
2642 posts
12/20/2005 12:46 pm

Hairbabe...Thanks for the encouragement and stopping by...hope to see more of you...

Silky Thanks... so true

Whisper... I thought i felt someone thinking about me...lol

Katey... I quite agree. Even though it is difficult to see what you wrote with the white type, I got it... I was going to send YOU the same note...LOL

Spold... WAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!! I was looking for you...

Summer...

Sexyeyes...Hmmm...arrive in bed...??? I am visualizing one of our IM chats....

Goddess....so very true...thanks for coming through...

RLP...Yes they do...LOL...something tells me that you knew that already though...


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