NAKED...For your Entertainment...  

(Juan S)
3683 posts
8/26/2005 9:12 am

Last Read:
3/26/2007 10:58 pm

NAKED...For your Entertainment...

Probably not what most of you were expecting, but the title actually represents how I am feeling today as far as my soul
and my heart.
Each time that I believe I am going to far or baring too much, something comes across as even more or just as open as I am.
This is actually pretty amazing to me. For as cold and calculated as the internet seems to be, it is actually AT times, closer to the truth than one would usually be in real life.

When I signed on to A.F.F., it was kind of a thing to dispel a little boredom, maybe find a litle fun. As it evolved, after discovering the blogging section...I faced some things in my mind that I was inadvertantly trying to avoid. Avoidance is NOT in my personality characteristic.

As I grew both inside and outside of Blogland, I realized that what I really wanted was to be in a Long Term relationship again.
Giving to one special person, the way I know how to the best.

In this journey, since my thoughts were to take all that I have learned about myself, relationships and the industry that I will call home once again, very soon and take advantage of my second chance to find a compatible partner.
Easier said than done...

So using my Head and my heart, I set forth and found some logical choices...then some logical choices that I was actually attracted to...LOL.

My attention came upon one specific person. Not only did she match me in profile responses, but in responses that she made in her blog and in posts she made on other peoples blogs.
I looked at her photos...mmm, DAMN!!! Eyecandy like a motherf*#ker. Very good prospect, but it was actually her mind that did it for me. The looks...Yeah, I know what some of you might think, but I've been around attractive women all my life, as long as "I" am attracted to you, its all good...but out of experience, i found that it was important for my girl to be really comfortable in her own skin... Strong... Especially under the glare of the socialite set that I hung out with at the time and will again. The models, the singers, the dancers... in other words, fitting in. This one spades.
Superficial? Whatever...That is a blog post in and of itself.
So...I contacted her. Nothing happened. Tried one more time, because as I have found sometimes mail goes through...sometimes it doesn't. Still nothing. I made a few posts on her blog. Humorous comments as those that read my blog, know me for and have come to love...LOL. She didn't take them as funny all the time. Some she ignored...(I thought) and she sternly, but classily defended her peeps, that she knew from her blogging already. Hmmm. I liked that.
So, i figured, not going to happen and I set forth on my own blogging and tried to put her out of my mind (even though I dropped into her blog every now and then) and made myself scarce. I had the feeling that given enough time she would become comfortable and respond as more and more of me opened up in Blogland. More for her to see, so to speak, because this me...was a bit different. Different like I am. Apparently, she noticed or something, because she would pop onto my blog occassionally...I guess the theory was true.
So as time went on, I decided to try again. This time she responded. She told me that she remembered a specific post I made, because I stood out to her. More time thoughts about her growing to a point where I wanted to do something about this, but contact in Blogs and one or two e-mails, had me a little apprehensive.
If I exposed my feelings in Blogland and things didn't work out or she turned out to not be "The One" or if I wasn't what she was looking for, or she got invovlved wih someone else...then such a fool, i would look like. That would sting a little, because the way I look at it as. No one here is paying my bills or supporting my kids, so F' em. What did matter is that I figured if I expressed myself towards her, that if it did not work out, others that I was attracted to would feel as if I was just..."moving down the line" so to speak. If I exposed the fact that 6 of my posts were written directly to her, then anyone else I went after would look at it a little skeptical. There were a few problems with that.
First...I don't fake it. I am a truly giving person. I've shared 20 or so e-mails with this person and even though in my heart, I feel that we would be...oh so compatible and happy together. I don't know for sure though. We've never met in person. Talked on the phone and she lives quite a distance from me. I'm a man of action, I've owned business and commanded crews of once something is decided, I will find a way to make it happen. Distance means nothing to me...but it might to her.
Second...We're both human. So the probability of playing or having fun or acually getting hooked up with someone is always out there. The dangers of her thinking I was not sincere if I hooked up with someone and it was made known or hurting someone that somehow may have the same feelings towards me... ugh...why does life have to be this hard?
I don't want to hurt ANYBODY...well, maybe that one dude at my job...LOL.
Third...My blog posts ARE my thoughts and feelings...and even though I have thought many times about hitting that delete button after I have made a post. I didn't. Blogging was/is my way of getting things off MY chest that I wasn't willing to talk about, with my small circle of friends. So invariably as my thoughts turned to her, things have shown up in my posts. Now, I can't really escape what I have said or shared and the thing about scaring off other potential people that might actually BE the one, is a very real concern.
So...what do I do now? I have succeeded in capturing a little of her attention. Testament to the 20 or so e-mails, but if someone "Rushed" me, I'd tell them to go find someone else.
I guess, I kind of fully expect her to do the same.
After all...We are alike.
I started feeling like I wanted to leave Blogland...and of course the embarrassment of a diss or dismissal or failure, probably would add fuel to that fire...LOL. However, I'm a bit too strong for that...I think...LOL.
So...I've told her of these feelings...I've told her which blog posts are for her...I've offered my phone number and now there is nothing left that i can do. All that is left is to wait...Not my strongest suit...heh, heh.
My biggest thing is that, now that I have exposed all of these things, especially exposing it to myself...I want to know.
I want to know if this is the person that I can give everything that I am too. I'm not in Love nor obsessed...but there is something about this persons soul that continues to call out to me...I think she could be the one. There is only one way to find out though...and it is up to her.

In a Perfect World...
The Dream that won't let Me Sleep part I
The Dream that won't let Me Sleep part II
After the Last Long Kiss...
End of the Year projection...

Just in case, she is actually to humble to realize that it is her that I am talking about. She is the only one to e-mail me a song called "The Treasure You Are" and tell me that she thinks of me, when she hears this song.

In closing...all I can say your fears, boo...if you are the "One", I will make everything in your world, right.
If you're not...we will be very good friends.


NAKED...Somewhat afraid...LOL

Theflinkychick 105F

8/26/2005 2:58 pm

You have some courage, man. Courage is doing the thing that scares you and I am proud of you. Lucky girl, that one is...

*sigh* I have a similar situation... if you ever want to trade notes...

Not all who wander are lost.

Ladyhawke82960 56F

8/26/2005 3:04 pm

I for one think what you said is pretty much right on with most of us. I wish you luck.

SunneyOne 44F

8/26/2005 5:30 pm

We're all pulling for you.

For HER - He's obviously a great guy!!! C'mon, give it a chance! Just tryin to help.

ProtonicMan 48M

8/26/2005 6:41 pm

Hey, Sizz. You had me riveted with this post, just layin' it all out there.

I HAVE met you, and I think you will make some lady VERY lucky. I hope you get to meet her, and she you.

Good luck, amigo.


rm_summer765 52F
123 posts
8/26/2005 6:51 pm

Siz..I really hope for u that she does respond the way that u hope she does. She's stupid if she doesn't..sorry..but i'm all about honesty..whether it hurts or not.I'm not about games...too old for that.You r the only guy i've come across on here that is very straight-forward.We bloggers know exactly where ur comin from.If u haven't noticed..i have discontinued mine for the moment..not exactly in the right frame of to best to u always baby.

007sexy40plus 51F  
7603 posts
8/26/2005 7:30 pm

It feels so good when you find that special someone. I hope things for out for you and for her(together). You are open about how you feel, I wish a lot of others were.

I am the real deal! "Come Get Me!!!"

islandgirl_702 54F

8/27/2005 1:05 am

Wow! Pretty deep in your overall focus something did NOT set right...

((So...I've told her of these feelings...I've told her which blog posts are for her...I've offered my phone number and now there is nothing left that i can do. ALL THAT IS LEFT IS TO WAIT...Not my strongest suit...heh, heh.))

What would you be waiting for? A response, the first meeting, a call, an acknowledgement OR for her to state her feelings for you!!
It would be not through those actions that you would know if she is "THE ONE" but it would be a start.

You did furnish subtle points that should indicate to anyone of what you feel. Was there a response? [Yes] work from that response. [No] Must you draw her a picture....attention to detail and being observant is very important....communication is a MUST!

HOWEVER, Noone ever knows if their mate is TRULY THE ONE....there is so many factors involved. But, you will never know unless you take a risk. Whatever road this search takes you...the ultimate goal is your the end...NO REGRETS...

MrNuttz05 49M

8/27/2005 6:25 am

Bro', being honest with yourself is the HARDEST thing to do. You have done it, the rest will be easy now. Trust in that all the pieces will come together for you. This site is closer to reality than the real world is! I would wish you good luck, but you don't need it....

angel_wings2005 52F

8/27/2005 7:50 am

Sizzle~~ I have read this a couple of times- and have been left speechless-( yes that is possible!)~~ the way you open up - and bare your soul-truely honest feelings- that can only come from the purest place in your heart- where you long to have that love returned- equally !I wish you all the best my friend-I pray that this woman realizes-soon-what is being offered to her-and accepts you and your love with open arms. UNCONDITIONALLY! You give us all hope that there are REAL MEN out there-that have these feelings and are not afraid to show -or admit them !!! Thank you !!! Sending some extra special mo~jo and wishes in your direction !! XOXOXOX~ Angel

xx_44DD_xx 51F

8/27/2005 8:51 am

WOW! What a lucky girl she will be if she can take a hint!

I truly hope she is all you believe her to be Sizzle.

rm_talldarkavg1 105M
10172 posts
8/27/2005 1:54 pm

SIZ, baring your heart for all to see is an act of a very courageous man. Courage of the heart and an ability to freely communicate are very precious qualities in anyone. One thing to keep in mind...women know actions speak louder than words. I say kidnap her!

[blog talldarkavg1]

(Juan S)
2642 posts
8/27/2005 7:05 pm

Thanks everybody for the kind words...

(Juan S)
2642 posts
8/27/2005 7:15 pm

MzHuny- Its a little more than looking at pictures hear, but...if you kow yourself, then you will know what you like and yes,guys do think like At least some guys....

Islandgirl- I beg to differ... I think one can know who their soul mate is, but it takes time sometimes to feel that out. Sometimes you know instantly. I am not at that point right this second with anybody. The response I am waiting for is an opportunity to find out if we truly are compatible as I think we are.

(Juan S)
2642 posts
8/27/2005 7:22 pm

MrNuttz05- Welcome to Sizzle's world. Happy to see you here and hope that you can come back to visit often.

Talldark- LOL...I thought of that, but I think it would send the wrong message...LOL

(Juan S)
2642 posts
8/28/2005 9:12 am

Humboldthonni- Time will tell...

impish_pixie 54F
6867 posts
8/28/2005 3:30 pm

wow...I don't even know you and I'm half in love with you. Your poem was the first I read from you and I had to come back. Love your writing style, love that you bare your heart & soul, love that you're afraid but the need was so strong you had to get it out. Rock on man - you're my hero! Hope she's smart enough to reach up and grab your hand when you come riding by on that big white stallion and all that shiny armour. Peace!

I make mistakes, I am out of control & at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best. ~Marilyn

islandgirl_702 54F

8/28/2005 4:57 pm

Boo~ Its been very enlightening and interesting....but.....everyone has been dying to find out.....drum roll, please......with great appreciation for who you are and how valuable you is with great pleasure to let everyone know....
**********************I AM THE ONE********************

(Juan S)
2642 posts
8/28/2005 5:55 pm

Impish pixie- where have you been? You stayed away so long, but I'm glad you've come back to hang with us. Thanks for the comments, Time will tell.

(Juan S)
2642 posts
8/28/2005 5:56 pm

Islandgirl- ...You think so huh?

yagottalikit 49F
583 posts
8/28/2005 8:24 pm

pouting and shuffling foot......awwww hell! Then I realize that my sweet sizzler just MAY have found his ONE~~~~So, now, BIG SMILES!
I do hope you have found your dream. Still want details, details, details! <kiss>

Yagotta get it soft and wet so we can kick/stick it

(Juan S)
2642 posts
8/29/2005 2:38 am

Awww, cutie...You've got me blushing. I thought YOU may have found your ONE...

wetnwildaquarius 44F

8/30/2005 11:14 am

Hey siz this ya girl wet(Nik). I know who you are refering too and sorry Islandgirl it's not you baby.( no offense) But siz remember one thing as you are baring out your heart and soul has this woman done the same in her blogs to allow everyone to know how she feels about you. I don't like how this woman is having this affect on you because she is like pulling the strings and making puppets. You are my baby and that ungrateful woman does not deserve such riches. Don't allow her to make you a link in her chain of fools. You are better than that and stronger than that. You have way too much potential than to just sit and wait for this to arrive. This is a game some women play just to keep that attention they need. I have a questioned for you siz.

1. When did you give her your number?
2. Do you have her number?
3. When does she plan on letting you see her?
4. When is she coming to Michigan?
5. How often does she write about you in her blogs expressing herself to you other's to see?
6. When are you going to get tired of this Dream girl and get a wholesome real woman who is ready for this step.

I know she sends little e-mails to you personally, buy why respond when she can't even return a simple phone call or reply about seeing you. Wake up to her baby and open your eyes and close your nose. Look at the picture very closely. I see something right now that you can't and we will talk more later. I love boo and you are always my baby for life. I am not going to let any woman hurt you. Over my sexy beautiful body that I will allow a woman hurt you. lol

And for those who want to know yes I care a great deal for this gentleman so please be gentle with him. He's precious and sweet and does not deserve to be take for granted or played for a fool. Take care of my baby!

(Juan S)
2642 posts
8/31/2005 1:58 am

Wet...Its serious, but it aint THAT serious...LOL. Trust, I am not JUST sitting around.
I put it out there, in all sincerity or her to take the chance if she wants.
The effect she is having is that I feel we are kindred spirits and being a man of action, I'm trying to find out. No one is pulling my strings and I am most certainly NOT being played.
I myself have decided to UP the ante, by laying my cards on the table for all to see. If she is playing a game, she would be fooling no one, but herself...I however don't think that is the case here. If I am wrong, I have lost nothing, but a little time. She will have lost...ME. Far worse fate, if I do say so myself. For the record and in all fairness. She has not seen this blog post. Whatever happens, happens...I'm merely hoping to find out if my thoughts about her are true. Luv Ya baby...Be Easy killer... I'm not in over my head at this point and It would take a whole lot for Sizz to be running around like some love struck puppy dog.
When I give this heart, mind, body, soul to someone...They will be worthy of all the love in the world.
Thanks for "Defending me". Everything is cool doh!

rm_catertohim 44F
8 posts
8/31/2005 12:59 pm


I love your writing. I am dying to know who she is.....hmmm I think I might have an idea or I could be way off. Good luck!

(Juan S)
2642 posts
8/31/2005 4:46 pm

Welcome to Sizzle's world. Hope you can hang out with us for a little while and come back as often as you would like. As to who it is... I Can't tell cater2him...It just is what it is...

(Juan S)
2642 posts
9/1/2005 9:40 am

I'm curious catertohim...I don't know how long you've been reading my blog, but who do you think it is?

rm_catertohim 44F
8 posts
9/2/2005 12:22 am


I have not been reading your blog long, just recently. I decided to check it out after reading your posts on another person's blog. I also enjoy her writing, however she has not written since August 24th so I have been reading more of yours. Her last post on your blog was also on the 24th. I have noticed you post on each others blogs and your posts to her just have a little something extra, but perhaps I am reading into it more than I should or maybe not. I don't want to come right out and say who I think it is. I wonder if she is still busy looking for that lost item. Hopefully she takes you up on that date for New Years Eve.

So, am I onto something here or way off and have you confused?

(Juan S)
2642 posts
9/2/2005 11:03 am

Hmm...either you are very perceptive or my achille's heal shows a bit more than I thought it did.

rm_catertohim 44F
8 posts
9/2/2005 1:02 pm

I have been told (and I agree) that I am very perceptive. I don't miss much. I have a great deal of fun seeing the things other people might miss and the things people attempt to hide or think they don't show. People always show a bit more than they think they do, only not everyone notices. I am a firm believer that you can't hide from your feelings or hide your feelings. Regardless of how hard you may try they come out one way or another. There is definitely a back and forth flirtation from what I see. I can tell from her responses she enjoys flirting with you, it goes beyond her usual polite responses. I think she is touched by your writing and sees you as more sincere than the others. I admire you for taking a chance and putting it out there. I hope she takes a chance and you are at least able to meet each other. I think she would be a fool not to. You just never know. Perhaps, a trip to the beach while the weather is still warm. I wish you the best of luck.

I assume I have it figured out....let me know....please.

(Juan S)
2642 posts
9/2/2005 3:35 pm did figure it out and that is one of the reasons I wrote this. I noticed it was coming out more and was inevitable...
I am definately a man of action, so I felt I needed to make this happen...

rm_catertohim 44F
8 posts
9/2/2005 4:17 pm

I had actually started to figure it out from reading the responses to each other on her blog. I was thinking does anyone else see this or do they even see this? I was happy to come here and see that not only you saw it but had the courage to say it. Courage to put yourself out there and express your feelings is very very rare to see and the fact that you did it here for all to see....all I can say in WOW. Do keep me posted.

(Juan S)
2642 posts
9/3/2005 6:18 am

catertohim,my next relationship willbe shouted from the top of the tallest mountain in the me...everyone will know...LOL

rm_bella_ 47F
4030 posts
9/3/2005 12:58 pm

Che Tesoro Che Sei...non mi sono sbagliata...oggi ho capito questo.

Sizz...For so long I believed that what I was doing, spilling my heart onto these blog pages was the wrong thing to do. I was told it was the wrong thing to do...until today. Maybe because I had never read anything that I related to the feeling and the emotion I put out in my own blog. But yours has stopped me in my tracks. I have never read anything by a man so honest and so baring in soul. It is beautiful.

I want to say that this blog is not a mistake. I want to say that this blog has left you as open and vulnerable as I am. And that truly is a gift...for now it is understood...maybe what was never understood previously.

(Juan S)
2642 posts
9/4/2005 10:55 am

Dunque che facciamo adesso, il mio amore?
Tutto e nel suo controllo, ma i miei bisogni
di rassicurazione di succedere via...the l'internet.
l'essere/e questo l'amoreggiamento giusto per lei?
era il suo ex sostenere nella sua vita?
dunque molte domande che ho per lei...
dunque molto amore che devo dare a lei...
e come lei ha detto,
molto,molto,molto baci di dividere...
che lei va fare?

(Juan S)
2642 posts
9/6/2005 10:14 am

La principessa... dove andiamo da qui?

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