|Blogs > Sizzle364 > So there I was...|
De Ja Vu...
De Ja Vu...
Hung out last night, The first time in very long time and I can tell you that I has some very mixed emotions concerning my past. What I used to own and don't now. I know to most people it will sound extremely materialistic and in a way it is, but the remorse is more like looking at all the work you have done to not reap the benefits of that and that is more why it is depressing. Wanting to again be in that element... I don't know if I expect anyone to understand all of this, its just more things clearing out of my mind...sorry. Blogging is my dumping ground for latent emotions. Last night, I encountered several people that I used to work with. All of them giving me props (praise) for starting them in the business, or teaching them what to do and what not to do. As I sat nonchalantly in the corner trying to be discreet.I was still approached by people going..."uh..aren't you somebody"... OMG! I was dressed very down and casual, who are you people? Then...just as I was ready to jet out...one of the celebrities from our big urban radio station..recognized me! AAARRRRGGGHHH...and of course blew up my spot, by announcing from the stage that I was there. Complete with mispronouncing my name... OMG!!! Spilt my whole track record of records I've been on, groups I've worked with and then mispronounced my name...!!!! The immediate attention I got after that, was a bit uncomfortable, to say the least. I noticed that "look" in a couple of young ladies eyes... I quickly made my EXIT...stage left.
As I reached the door...ironically this song by the Notorius B.I.G., came on... What the fuck?
FUCK YOU TONIGHT/Notorious BIG feat. R. Kelly
You must be used to me spendin
And all that sweet winin and dinin
Well I’m fuckin you tonight
[big] here’s another one
And another one
Uhh, uhh, what?
Verse one: notorious b.i.g.
Some say the x, make the sex
Spec-tacular, make me lick you from yo neck
To yo back, then ya, shiverin, tongue deliverin
Chills up that spine, that ass is mine
Skip the wine and the candlelight, no cristal tonight
If it’s alright with you, we fuckin (that’s alright)
Deja vu, the blunts sparked, finger fuckin in the park
Pissy off bacardi dark
Remember when I used to play between yo legs
You begged for me to stop because you know where it would head
Straight to yo mother’s bed
At the mariott, we be lucky if we find a spot
Next to yo sister, damn I really missed the
Way she used to rub my back, when I hit that
Way she used to giggle when yo ass would wiggle
Now I know you used to sweets at the parker meridian
Trips to the carribean, but tonight, no ends
Verse two: notorious b.i.g.
Girl you look fine, like a windface rolex, you just shine
I like that waistline
Let me hit that from behind, which wall you wanna climb
My styles genuine, girl I love you long time
I got you pinned up, with yo fuckin limbs up
All because you like the way my benz was rimmed up
Bitch keep yo shin up, please watch me do thee
Nasty, like it when you make it move fast mommy
I like it when you tro’ it pon me
No love makin, strictly back breakin
Ceas’ know, all his hoes, go to my door
Then they go to his flo’, to fuck some more
So no, caviar, sharp bar, uh uh
Strictly sex that’s pretty and left over spaghetti
I know you used to slow cd’s and don p’s
But tonight it’s eight tracks and six-packs while I hit that
1/5/2006 3:46 pm
I can relate to your feelings of remorse, I have always believed that the Universe has us exactly where we are supposed to be. The things we've lost through our own mismanagment or others are things we were not intended to have. If the Universe removed them then what will replace it will be much more rewarding!!!! It's funny I am sometimes referred to as so n so's wife I am so quick to say "No I am Billy's daughter!!!" Because those from the past are watching a transition in progress don't get discouraged JUST KNOW WHEN IT'S ALL SAID AND DONE IT WILL BE NO QUESTION WHO YOU ARE OR WHAT YOU REPRESENT IN OUR COMMUNITY!!! Your name is never remembered as clearly as your accomplishments -----until of course, you fail!|
I SUPPORT YOU KING IN ALL YOU DO!!
1/5/2006 5:16 pm
I cant say I can I.D. with those exact feeling but I think about what i have lost in my life sometimes too sizz and I think to myself that what ever god has taken away from me he will give back and it'll be more appreciated when I get it. and you just have a way of picking all my jams man love that track|
1/5/2006 9:38 pm
I've no thoughtful words tonight, but what spoldrtn and Digdug said seems hit it on the mark. Even though I'm lacking words - you've got my support and are in my thoughts. |
1/6/2006 1:01 am
Sizzle, I know exactly what you mean, man. It is not materialistic to miss the fruits of your labors or the recognition you earned. |
In my time with the Army Rangers I was once among the best of the best.
Years later, I held a number of esteemed computer certifications and was widely considered the best professor in our program at the school where I taught.
These days I am neither of those men any longer. I relinquished all my claims so I could chase other dreams, and I've sold off items that I never dreamed I'd part with - to pay the bills while I find new work. I miss my rifles and my computer, because they were totally mine. Using knowledge and money I earned the hard way, I built them and customized them to be tools exactly suited to my needs, skills, and methods. Now they are gone, and the bank account is still empty. It’s a real pisser how that seems to work out.
But it will be all right. One of these days I'll figure out what I want to be when I grow up, and I'll have things again.
I'm sharing this only because it had taught me a very important lesson: You cannot evolve into the man you are becoming if you fixate on the man you were.
The past is a colossal stone. You can let it go and use it as a land mark to guide your future steps, or you can hold onto it, and make it an anchor that prevents you from moving forward.
1/6/2006 10:28 pm
1/7/2006 10:23 pm
Spold...Thanks...Hey, we have another party coming up...This is going to be seriously off the chain, right down town on Broadway and Gratiot...Its my Company Re-launch party!! |
Thanks Dig...hope everything turned out ok over the holidays...
Five...Thank you so very much..I will have to add that to my daily mantra... You helped remind me of the perspective I need to keep moving...
RLP... like an Eagle babe...
Reine...Thank you darling, I was watching an old episode of Home Improvement though...just bought a new super powered chain saw!! grunt, grunt, grunt...LOL!!!