"Just Move On..."  

Sizzle364
(Juan S)
52M
3683 posts
7/27/2005 5:59 am

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

"Just Move On..."


"God help me accept the things I cannot change, change the things I can and grant me the strength and wisdom to know the difference"

"Move On with your Life"

"Just Let Go."

Eternal words of wisdom. A Lot easier said than accomplished.
How do you go from a relatively satisfying day with friends, a beautiful day riding bikes with your son, to awake to mental anguish and confusion?

Jeez, Can't it all just be over?

An event that I must attend today has forced itself, bitter memories and dread upon my brain. That has awakened two other longings that sit upon my soul. It never ends. each situation draws forth several others and as they say, "when it rains, it pours." Blogging has allowed me the opportunity to download some of these, so as not to overwhelm or "eat me up".
This floodgate of negativity will eventually subside today and go back into its little hiding place inside of my mind, I will do the things that I am "Supposed" to do in order to get through and to "move forward." Those words, in and of themselves sometimes present themselves as a cold and impersonal way of simply facilitaing existence. However, what kind of Life is it?
What is a life without living to its fullest?
A life without compassion and satisfaction? The explosion of passion beyond measure?
Is it because of my Gemini Traits, that one minute I'm here and the next minute there, emotionally? Or is it because I suppress the negativity in order to "Move On?" Like most humans, until it just seeps out of my subconscious and dances upon my brains "Today" agenda.
"What if there were several people that treated you to the best of their abilities and were very good to you? People that you appreciated and loved very much, but they simply were not the one you longed for? The one that caused your body to shiver at the mere mention of their name. What if That person didn't even know you existed? This isn't the movies, you can't simply persist. They have laws now, and fears in our society that can cause simple misunderstandings to become a rollercoaster of problems. Similar to the thoughts in my head this morning. Only more devastating in the actual physical sense. What if you knew something that no one else knew, but couldn't figure out how to explain it to anyone? What if there was the possibility that you migh never be able to tell the one person that it would benefit the most? Oh yeah, just "Move On". I can hear those words coming from 100 miles away. How the hell do you "Just, Move On". "Do you ever really "Just Move on?" Or does the same problem, same thought, same sense of loss or dread, same feeling of helplessness simply sit in the back of your mind only to visit you periodically and cause regret? Oh, well. The day will come and go. The thoughts will subside. Somewhere, someone will say something or do something that will pull my brain back into the everyday, mundane, simply forget about everything that plagues my thoughts when I'm laying there, awake in the early morning. Staring at the trees, over my deck in the backyard. Not really wanting to get up and start this day, or face these problems...
Oh yeah... The son wants to know... "What's for breakfast Dad?"

angel_wings2005 52F

7/27/2005 12:11 pm

Hey SIZ!!!-- I will not use the words- " I know how you feel !"~~ because unless someone has walked in our shoes- they HAVE NO IDEA what is truely going on - in our minds or in our hearts!!-- Telling someone to 'just forget about it~ and just move on ' is TOO EASY to say- and it only serves to make the confusion or dread worse !!! For myself- it has taken me looking at MYSELF ~ not always liking the person I see - but I know that- at the end of the day- I am the ONLY one that can make myself do anything to change my circumstances !!! And I know that it is also easy to say -- well just do something to CHANGE how you feel - God knows that if I could have cone that a long time ago- I probably wouldn't be here- right now !!!! To quote Axel-- WE ALL NEED A LITTLE PATIENCE !! ~~~ or maybe just a really big hug !!! If ya need one- let me know !! And trust me- focusing on the kids takes you to a whole new world !!! ( I have 2!) lol... Lot's of XOXOX coming your way !!! Angel


CuriousKitty675 41F
365 posts
7/27/2005 1:59 pm

I don't think it's a matter of 'just moving on'. I think it's more about learning from the bad things in life and knowing, believing that all things happen for a reason (good or bad) and all things happen in thier own time. I know it's easy to say such things but if you wake up each day and tell yourself that you are going to do everything in your power to do the best you can that day it will get easier each day. Noone is perfect and you can't expect yourself to be. All you can do is try to be the best person you can be. Things will get better darlin. Just believe in yourself.


Sizzle364
(Juan S)
52M
2642 posts
7/27/2005 5:15 pm

Thank you Katey. I'm looking forward to the horizon and true hugzz are always appreciated.


Sizzle364
(Juan S)
52M
2642 posts
7/27/2005 5:23 pm

Angel, I have a strange feeling you know exactly how I feel. Hence the not saying "I know how You Feel". LOL. Kids taking you to a whole new world...YES, They really do...LOL.
Patience and Hugs are definately on the most wanted list and a trip to "Paradise City". LOL.


Sizzle364
(Juan S)
52M
2642 posts
7/27/2005 5:24 pm

Curious- I'm going to hold you to that. LOL.


pussnboots694 73M/78F

7/27/2005 6:45 pm

Life is full of changes..
Do not forget to take a breath..
Look at the sunrise..
Enjoy the rain..
It is the little things that will help you make it through..
Even though you feel like you are going through a tornade of emotions at the moment ..
Your shades of grey will fade..
And the sun will shine again..
Do you ever let go..
I would have to say no..
But it will get easier as time goes by....
Keep smiling..
Warm kisses always sizzle


Philosophy_N_Sex 49M/47F

7/27/2005 8:59 pm

Well no you never just move on. The regrets and mistakes do become a part of you, as do joys and triumphs.
The better one can adapt the better off one is.


Sizzle364
(Juan S)
52M
2642 posts
7/27/2005 10:42 pm

Puss...you continue to bring me smiles. Even on days like this, that I have to deal with those lingering family issues. My youngest son being back with me has taken some of the pressure off. Now to move forward, but I have so little time to accomplish so much.
Thanks for keeping me going.


Sizzle364
(Juan S)
52M
2642 posts
7/27/2005 10:47 pm

Hello, PNS. Welcome to Sizzle's World. Thank you for your comments.
I guess I am trying to figure out how do I make it better? I try all the things that I've been told, but I feel it is only change that will erase some of the wrong of my situation.


TopFisher 63M

7/28/2005 1:34 am

oh your X is being a total bitch and now "USEING" your children as a weapon against you?

Suprise, shock, horror and dismay should be your last thoughts. they should have been the first thoughts.

NOTE: THEY DO THIS SHIT!

Anything they think will make us squirm, such is what they will do!!!!

I'm sorry such has come to you, you are NOT worthy of such treatment.

Hey, I get to not count weeks, but years between visits with my daughter, now 8 yrs old! I will not create any sort of battle, I'll let history handle the disputes! She and her sibligs will have all of it.

And yes I miss her so very much every day that passes!

Could I change it? Of course, but I refuse to. I want her mother to dig herself a 20' deep grave, she has already surpassed 8' in 3 years.

My own daughter will get all fucked up, I'l have to re-educate her. FINE!

I'm up to the task, I hope I'm still around for it is all.... If I'm not, well the history will be passed on to her from others....

Siz!

I'm sorry for hijacking your own blog,,,,,,, I may have made some assumptions that were incorrect. Just kick me arse if I need it.


Sizzle364
(Juan S)
52M
2642 posts
7/28/2005 7:09 am

She can't use the kids as a weapon. I won't and my boys won't allow it. She does however create some really stressful f'd up situations that none of us are feeling.
As far as your daughter, it is only my opinion, but it takes a lifetime to retrain or undo the habits and things we learn as a child. Sometimes it doesn't happen. The memories that we miss and the chance that we may miss it all or disenchant our children is not worth losing.
You are creating a battle, albeit the easier and more painful battle, by not battling.
This is the feeling and the category of us fathers that a lot of women and the court system does not understand when they talk about dads abondaning their children. They don't get tha avoidance of the pain, daily or weekly confrontations, tears, etc that we endure and thus want to stay away all together. We are lumped into this category of deadbeat, because they simply don't even want to understand. I wouldn't give them the satisfaction of continuing the ignorance. when it boils down to it. Forget the mom. Spend whatever time you can with your child, because the child will appreciate it. Also, it will be an easier thing for her to come to you, if there is a problem. Rather than trying to communicate with someone she doesn't really know, with a title that she doesn't quite understand. Tomorrow is not promised to us and heaven forbid anything should happen to EITHER of you.
(I know that is an unthinkable thought, but it has happened.) Don't take that gamble. Your daughter deserves more than that. She deserves to KNOW her real father. I disprove the lies that the court system and my Ex come up with all the time. THEY are getting realnervous about me.

Siz


bella_ 47F
4030 posts
7/28/2005 3:05 pm

A great post from one Gemini to another


CuriousKitty675 41F
365 posts
7/28/2005 4:35 pm

Unfortunately TopFisher, my situation is the opposite of yours. Like you, I don't want the drama. But in my case the father of my child is a deadbeat. He only wants to see his child when A) it's a power play thing to force me into situations that are hard on me and when it's conveinent for him (no plans, wants sympathy, etc...)He doesn't work (lives off the government) he never worked. I was always the one to have the full time job working sometimes 10 hrs a day 6 days a week, cleaning the house, cooking, laundry, taking care of the child when I got home because he was "tired of it" and it was "my turn". Any wonder why we're divorced? That among many other things he did to me that were just cruel. The real kicker in it all? I get a letter in the mail saying he's taking me back to court to have his child support (that the government pays out of his issued check) reduced from 208 a month to 60 a month. Yeah, he had no problems making the child or "playing daddy" when it suits him but basically he doesn't think he should have to have any of the responsibilities to help take care of the child. I'm far from shocked and I find myself thinking horrible thoughts such as : I wish he'd hurry up and die already. Terrible I know, but honest. So basically while I'm busting ass working paying all the bills, getting little to no rest, seeing to every detail and trying to make ends meet by sacrificing the little things (and big things) in life, He is living high off the hog with all the ammenities (cable TV, Broadband cable, central heat, air conditioning, all the appliances, pocket money to go and do whatever he wants when he wants which includes exotic pets and drugs and alcohol, etc...)

The point of this little diatribe? It's not just the women that are the assholes. I give heartfelt props to men like you, Sizz, Fallic...You are men that want to help take care of your children. Who want to be around them for the right reasons.

I'm curious, does your exs make you be the bad guy too while they get to happy go lucky, let's have fun person? Make you be the disiplinarian(sp?)? I get that a lot. But I refuse to let my child grow up to be the no-account hooligan the father is. Like you, I refuse to talk trash about the father around my child despite the fact that I know he does it about me. When my child is old enough he'll learn the truth about the father on his own terms.


Sizzle364
(Juan S)
52M
2642 posts
7/28/2005 9:32 pm

Thank you Bella


Sizzle364
(Juan S)
52M
2642 posts
7/28/2005 9:41 pm

Curious, its hard to describe the variety of things that are going on with my Ex.
We have joint custody, but she is the parent that the kids officially reside with.
She works, plus she receives child support and another check from the state.
So she is doing a little better than me at present, as far as financial matters.
Disciplinary? My kids know that I don't play. I don't care who the person is. If they are wrong, they are wrong. They know if someone does something to them, I am coming for
that person. If they do wrong, they know they are getting punished.
We communicate pretty good and they know that I love them more than life itself. My kids are 13 and 15 and we say "I Love You" everytime we talk and/or see each other. Even if we talk 5 times a day. Sorry that your Ex is putting you through all of that. It makes it harder for other men...also believe me. Kids are very observant. They see everything, even if they don't initially understand its parameters.


pussnboots694 73M/78F

7/28/2005 10:08 pm

Top fisher..
Your post..
saddens me ..
Love your child and spend as much time with her as you can..
She is the only thing that matters
Life is so precious..
What you do with it..
Is what she will remember..

Sizzle..
As always you are everything I knew you would be..
I have a new admiration for you..
You touch me with your kindness..
I know there is so much more..
Warm kisses to you always


Sizzle364
(Juan S)
52M
2642 posts
7/29/2005 11:49 am

(I'm still trying to figure out how to do the kissy, smiley )


pussnboots694 73M/78F

7/29/2005 1:28 pm

It is : and * together


Sizzle364
(Juan S)
52M
2642 posts
7/29/2005 1:52 pm

Thanks Puss


pussnboots694 73M/78F

7/29/2005 8:26 pm

anything else I can show you


Sizzle364
(Juan S)
52M
2642 posts
7/29/2005 11:26 pm

LOL...That has got to be the mother of all "Loaded quesions puss !!! ;


pussnboots694 73M/78F

7/31/2005 10:16 am

Indeed..
The wink smiley is ; and ) together
Lmao..
You are so cute


Sizzle364
(Juan S)
52M
2642 posts
8/15/2005 11:33 am


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