random? nothing is random  

Site35 44M/46F
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8/22/2005 1:28 pm

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

random? nothing is random


well i just got back from a staff meeting, and as i was driving down the hill on I-70 my mind kept popping onto memories. last night was a hard one for missing S. he and i got to chat online for a little while. we haven't done that since the early days of our relationship when that was about the only way we communicated. so it felt a little fun and flirty, but i think made us miss each other a little more. i think there's really no way around it. this is going to be hard for both of us. after our phone call, i had a small cry and talked things over with my roommate, which helped some. but then it turns out i needed more distraction, so i spent some time in the mt. zone room hoping to have some fun conversation. it kinda sucked, as i'm finding i usually feel after time in there. i want to chat, as in 'talk', not as in a metaphor for cyber or setting up a meeting. since it appears that room isn't the place to find simple friendly conversation, i will use this forum instead to 'talk'.
so back to my driving thoughts...
my skin shivers and sometimes i fight deeper level shudders through my body with just his little unconscious touches. simple things have come to mean so much more than i ever thought possible. my nipples tingled for no good reason other than remembering the touch of his mouth. whether it be gentle kisses or the pull and sting of not-so-gentle attentions. i yawned and thought of how different it is to fall asleep without his warm body next to mine, or to wake up in the darkness of a too-early morning and not be able to roll over and wrap an arm around his waist and slip back into dreamland. oh goodness i will be glad to get a night's sleep with those features again! the wind tangled in my hair and made me think of the tension inherant in the tug of his hand instead, how my breath catches in a gasp and a throb begins elsewhere. the wind just doesn't quite measure up .
tonight will likely bring another phone call, which i will welcome. a grin breaks out each time i hear his voice on the line. the distance makes things bittersweet, but like dark chocolate, even the little tastes fill your craving sometimes.

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