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Spirit of the holidays
Spirit of the holidays
Well. Here I am. Again. At the computer. Amazingly enough I DO have a life off of the internet. Of course some of my off line life stems from the internet but we'll just gloss over that for now.
Yep. Have a job. Have a couple member of the family that I'm willing to correspond with. Have a few friends that I talk to. Sometimes I even go places. Other than work. I do. Really. There was this one time I went to.....hold on. Gimme a minute.
Well, just trust me on this I've gone places!
I've been slackin' off a little the past two weeks. That's about to seriously change. Gotta get serious about Thanksgiving. Thanksgiving is a pretty big deal in my family. We alternate spending the holiday at my place and my sisters.
I prefer to spend all holidays at her house so I don't have to spend the next six months cleaning up but hey that's just me. Even though I'm not hosting I somehow manage to get roped into all the cooking. Hell, as long as I don't have to clean up afterward I'll cook everything they've got.
Here's a rough idea of my typical family holiday. Stop me if you've heard it.
Finally get a chance to sleep in but some asshole - excuse me, I meant to say family member calls at 6 am to make sure I'll be there by 10 am. It take 20 minutes to get to their house. I'm getting them a calculator for Christmas.
Can't go back to sleep because I haven't been blessed with the ability to stay unconscious (yep it's spelled wrong) without pharacuticals (this one too) or head injury. So I get up and get a shower.
Pack every cooking utensil and pan I own because chances are very high my sister doesn't have something we'll need.
Check to see if the rest of the family is ready. I get to drive. They aren't ready.
Get irritated and start acting pissy cuz hey I could still be sleeping and having wonderful dreams involving a personal massage....
Calming breaths. Try to keep the vein in my forehead from pulsing too much.
Get everyone in the car.
Get half way to my sisters house, find out we forgot something. Usually the turkey. Go back and get the turkey and 14 other things we forgot.
Finally make it to my sisters house. Bombarded by her dogs, cat, and kids. Cuddles all around. This is my happy moment of the day.
Kids start fighting, dogs start barking, every body is talking at the same time. Total chaos. Realize I forgot to bring beer. Realize it's only 9:30 am and it would probably be tacky to be loaded by 10 am.
Start cooking. Get criticized by everyone in the family for my methods - which by the way, work every damn year since I'm always the cook!
All food is cooking. Play with animals and kids, would this be an example of an oxymoron? Anyway, watch some football. Root for whoever nobody else likes.
Finish dinner. Serve dinner. Take massive amounts of compliment laced with "but I would have..."
Claim a headache when clean up begins and leave the shit work to everyone else. Headache fades long enough for pumpkin pie. Comes back with a vengence when the dishes need to be washed.
Kiss and hug everyone including the animals. Drive everyone home. Go to my own home. Pass out from exhaustion.
Dread spending Christmas at my house.
Despite all this insanity or maybe because of I have a wonderful time. Esp if I can be the only one not to get in a fight but to cause several lmao!