When Your Past Has Your Phone Number.....  

SilkenKiera 37F   
393 posts
2/3/2006 1:53 pm

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

When Your Past Has Your Phone Number.....

...It was a reaction that I suspect some men work very hard to ensure that it is not their involuntary initial reaction...

On Wednesday I was informed by the owner of the stable where I board my horse that my ex-boyfriend called me for my phone number, and is trying to reach me. The last thing that I needed to hear after a week in Court is what “my friend” was trying to tell me. I love a double whammy don’t you? Here I am writing him a check for an astronomical amount of money to take care of my horse each month and he lays it on me that he gave this guy my unlisted phone number? What the F**K?!!!? This guy is like an ex boyfriend twice removed, we’re talking like 8 years ago. From what I can remember it wasn’t good, granted I’ve blocked most of what we shared from my short-term memory, and resolve instead to hide it under the staircase in the dark basement of my mind.

We were young and I was his first relationship, he was jealous, possessive, and vindictive. I remember when we broke up, I started dating a young law student who was a very nice guy from a very influential family here in Delaware. Upon returning home there was my ex blocking my driveway and acting like a child in my parents neighborhood at 1 am in the morning. I was mortified at what my date must think about me for even associating with someone who acted the way my ex was. This is just one of many stories like this. The last time that I saw my ex I was at a nightclub with my girlfriends, when I walked past the bouncer, there he was holding a beer and looking dead at me. He asked me how life was and I promptly raised my left hand to show him my one month old diamond engagement ring. I did it to stab him in the heart, to hurt him the way he hurt me, to show him once and for all that I will always be the one who comes out on top. Only, his reaction was one I was not prepared for. The look of hurt that shot across his face was genuine, and it was unmistakable. It was a reaction that I suspect some men work very hard to ensure that it is not their involuntary initial reaction.

After that I found solstice on the other side of the packed club with my face planted inside many, many martini glasses. I got down to the business of drinking to get totally wasted. I didn’t drink glass after glass to erase my past, or to drown and sign of me still wanting him. I never felt any of that, I simply drank because I for the first time in my life succeed in hurting someone on purpose, and I felt awful. Hard lesson learned; never try to make yourself feel better by making someone else feel bad. It’s counterproductive.

To date he has not called, and I’m anxious at the thought of it actually happening. I have no idea what he could want, need, or have to say. Keeping my negativity project in the back of my mind, I have to try to assume that he has only good intentions. Maybe he wants to apologize to anyone in his life he felt he’s done wrong. Maybe he is trying to learn more about himself by looking in his past, so he’s clear on what he wants in the future. If I do end up talking to him and he does want some insight, I can give that to him. It’s been long enough where I don’t hate him, and I myself have done some growing and changing. I would be more then happy to share a brief moment with him to give him any insight I may have on his personal growth journey. If you ask my husband however, he feels more like my ex is up to no good. Either way, I don’t know and for now, I can only speculate.



firestarter665 42M/39F

2/3/2006 3:35 pm

Did we date the same guy? LOL

As you said in your post, after so many years there could only be two things that he may want to call for. Either to say that he is sorry or he is just up to no good.

Personally, I would be the bigger person and take his phone call (if he does call) just to be the adult about things. I would let him know that the past is just that, the past, and for him to move on.


docdirk 47M

2/3/2006 9:26 pm

It's always interesting when our past reaches out to touch us. The curiosity, the nostalgia, the remembrances - both good and bad. I have the feeling that, after such a long period of time, his (maybe) attempt at reaching out to you is innocent enough. Perhaps he is addressing some past issues that he needs to clear up before moving on, as you said. Of course, if I were your hubby, I'd be much less willing to see the good in this. In fact, I'd be a wolf prowling at the door, waiting for the unsuspecting prey to come into view. Either way, I don't think you have much to worry about.

Ah, Its you again, Your Angel Feathers and your Blood Stains...


SilkenKiera 37F  

2/6/2006 10:31 am

~ Shaye, I promise. Knowing him and his attention seeking behavior I'll probably make 2 entries out of it!

~ J.J. I'm really not sure what he wants. Maybe it is to say hi. I'm doubtful that he wants me back. That actually didn't cross my mind.

~ Firestarter, either or I'll find out because I plan on taking that damn call! I'm fried trying to figure out what he wants.

Kiera


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