A Study of the Word "No"  

SilkenKiera 38F   
393 posts
1/3/2006 1:10 pm

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

A Study of the Word "No"

Today hasn't been that great of a day, and to relive it by writing it makes me want to go smoke a pack of cigarettes. Lets just say that I have shitty people as clients and leave it at that. The other situation that is plaguing me is the whole "Jennifer" thing (yesterday's post). I have recently started chatting with another couple about their misadventures in seeking a female to share a fantasy with. To tell you the truth, I see a pattern here. Not just with couples, but anyone on this site trying to find something that they are missing. The lack of acknowledgment, the bad experiences, the misleading profiles...its all making us feel very bad about ourselves. Now for the record, I am aware that I am not in the best of moods and will more then likely read this post tomorrow and cringe, but for now this is the foremost thought on my mind...how much longer can you hear the word "no".

Mind you I haven't actually heard a female say "no" to me, but being blown off, or not answered at all is the same thing. Remember when you were a child and your parent said the word "no"? Remember the surge of anger or sadness that you felt. At that point in our lives the word "no" was a word that held us back from something that we wanted, something we wanted to do, or somewhere we wanted to go. Now "no" keeps us from being friends with an ex, being with someone we love, getting the job we want, getting the best financing, making amends with a loved one. Isn't it funny how the stakes have changed and become much higher then before.

More then likely how we respond to the word "no" has changed as well. At least outwardly anyway. We all still feel that surge of anger and/or sadness, but we are unlikely to carry on in public with a physical tantrum that matches how we feel on the inside. More then likely we suppress that urge and turn it inwardly, which is probably more harmful to us. Maybe we should yell and scream and get it all out, maybe we'd all be healthier.

I haven't been on this site long, and I haven't had most of the good/bad experiences that some on here have, but I seem to be well on my way. I've been observing a lot during the past 3 months and I have noticed that there are a ton of stories like mine. Attractive, talented, special people who came here to be with like minded people (a term used often on AdultFriendFinder) yet, they get nothing. Their approach is respectful, they go all out to fully read a person's profile and answers before emailing them, but still nothing. What's even better is that most of us are paying to feel this lousy. Now as I have mentioned before, I have met some people on here that I am proud to call my friends. They are passionate, lovely, caring people with true talent. I am not including them in my rant of others on this site. I wish the people with no intentions, or no good intentions would go to another site and leave a pool of people who are truly here for what they intend to be here for.

So AdultFriendFinder people here is your chance to prove me right, or prove me wrong;

ASSIGNMENT #1 Post what you think and support it with one story each. It can be good, it can be bad, which ever way you want to persuade me. Maybe you met for a wild weekend then never talked again, maybe you are Internet friends, maybe the person was supposed to meet you at the airport and never showed...I want to know.

ASSIGNMENT #2 The second part of the assignment is to email one person with a link to this post, A Study of the Word "No" or use the link in a comment on someone Else blog. The more stories the better.

rm_ohsolustful 58M
859 posts
1/4/2006 7:39 am

Feels like I am back in school again!!! Will you keep me after school for detention if I don't complete my assignment?????? could be fun...WAHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

SilkenKiera 38F  

1/4/2006 9:17 am

~Kiera takes out her trusty ruler~ Of course I'm keeping you after school, you've been bad, stick out your hand!

SilkenKiera 38F  

1/4/2006 9:55 am

Hey Thanks Shaye! I'm sure your right about Jennifer, maybe life just caught her at a bad time. Thats a view I never thought of before, maybe she just couldn't mentally of physically be there because life was bitting her in the ass! We've all been there. Thanks for sharing!


firestarter665 42M/39F

1/4/2006 3:07 pm

I don't have any really good experiences to share nor do I have bad ones. I do have to say that we have been on a couple of dates from this site and they went well. Nothing sexual came out of the dates, mostly because my husband and I and the other couples were looking for different things. On the other hand, we made some great friends with common interests. We keep in touch with the people that we have met. This is what keeps us going. I hope that this keeps you in high spirits.

docdirk 47M

1/4/2006 5:16 pm

Damn, I didn't know there was going to be a quiz! Give me a minute to run to the bathroom and write the answers on my shoes.

Ah, Its you again, Your Angel Feathers and your Blood Stains...

guynamedjim 58M
729 posts
1/4/2006 9:55 pm

You describe it exactly Kiera! I've been on this site for number of years now. Only within last year exploring blogging and trying to email out. What GREAT insight. Ideed NO is the major word here, and trying to be positive about it. It is interesting how the intro to this site is made up of the usual prefect looking people. Writing to any of them is a totally other question! It's like even using the word intro: HELLO means nothing no more. Indeed Pink Floyd's: Welcome to the machine means so much now. There is a writer who writes from prespective of lone individual trying to connect with others, and the difficulty there in. AdultFriendFinder is a classic example! And to think added to the mix there is the auto-replying (like I'll get back to ya, what in another life time?), or one can turn off their profile (ok I understand the flood of mail a woman can get). Seems like no breaks for guys here really! I think it still applies he who has the most toys win's, and thats not sexual toys either.
I thinks it's totally wierd that it has come to this to try to connect. It's been anything but easy, and or establishing dialog with a woman here. Not all of us guys are pigs, and or collecting, or pesting women.
I personally believe we have more in common being here, though I do believe it's in the SELF serving that is the obstacle to contact.
For I too have been reading between the the lines and seeing the reality here. One conclusion is this isn't the only gig in town thats for sure! It's a lonely planet, everyone wandering no one connecting! GREAT BLOG


rm_ohsolustful 58M
859 posts
1/5/2006 6:34 am

I'm sorry Kiera, go ahead and punish me, Ill be good, I promise;0 do you want me to get down on my knees and beg forgiveness

SilkenKiera 38F  

1/5/2006 9:54 am

~ Firestarter, It's wonderful to make friends at anytime, like you and me. At the very least, I'm glad that we are all making friends internet and otherwise. People who know what are interest are and accept us anyway.

~ J.J., you bad boy. Did they let you get away with that at St. Ann's? I would have been given detention at St. Mark's.

~ Jim, thank you so much for your comments. Your insight is incredible. I would be shocked if some girl didn't come and snatch you up real soon!

~ ohsolustful, I'm still waiting for you to hand in your assignment!

rm_ohsolustful 58M
859 posts
1/6/2006 9:59 am

Does that mean I'll get exxxtra punishment if I don't??????????????
There is something to be said about being a Bad Boy, LOL

SilkenKiera 38F  

1/6/2006 12:32 pm

~ ohsolustful, don't I know it!

givemecurves 40M

1/7/2006 1:40 pm

Hey Kiera,

I was glad to find your post about hearing the word "no" very often.

I don't know how long most AFFers have been using AdultFriendFinder. I've been on it since September 2004, and I've had zero success at

meeting anyone. I've come "close", but who knows if the people ever really intended to meet me?

I exchanged a few e-mail with one woman who lives an hour away. We set up a date to meet. Then she cancelled it. Now her

profile is gone.

Yesterday a woman expressed interest in meeting me. I replied, but my reply must have been too nerdy or something, because

now she's ignoring me.

Another woman said she'd love to get physical with me, but she couldn't because my (neatly trimemd) beard would make the

insides of her thighs red, and her man would be suspicious.

One woman expressed interest in meeting, then said she had a cold and had to cancel, then stopping writing to me.

Another said she'd like to meet at a hotel, then I never heard from her again.

I've become very confused about this site. I'm guessing it just doesn't work, just like a typical capitalist venture. For a

guy to get any decent communciation, he's got to get a paid membership. Then, of course, no women actually meet up with him,

so he pays to have his profile "edited" to make it more effective. Perhaps then he pays to have his profile highlighted, or

"featured", or whatever else they offer here.

The whole thing is very ironic, because I'm a safe, kind, respectful, clean, intelligent, not unattractive, passionate,

discreet guy. But I'm not a Hollywood hunk (and nor am I black), so maybe that's why no one wants to meet me.

(Actually, that's not true. I did meet up with an older man in my hotel room once, thanks to AdultFriendFinder. I'm pretty much only

straight, but I just wanted so badly for my body to be touched, that I thought I'd see if a man would really be that bad.

Well, it wasn't horrible, but it wasn't great either. I think maybe he was just bad at touching a man. Ironic, but true. His

touches lack warmth. And yet he seemed to get off on mine. Anwyay, for me, a man is a paltry stand-in for a woman.)

What I see on this site is reverse discrimination, in a way. In mainstream society, men are accused of judging women only by

their looks. According to stereotype, men only want women who have long shaved legs, nice large smooth breasts, a slim

waist, and a pretty young face. Women, of course, are supposedly more open to men who are quality human beings, regardless of

how they look.

But on AdultFriendFinder, the reverse is true. Women specify that they want hot well-hung sexy studs, often only black and of a certain

age. Their "ideal" partners are described mostly physically. Conversely, the few male profiles I've read (which I read because they had testimonials from women they had had sex with) say that it doesn't really matter that much if a woman isn't a supermodel, as long as she's nice.

Anyway, I just think it's weird, because I know I'm a great lover, and I'm interesting to spend time with. I'm also a capable

writer. And yet my score on AdultFriendFinder is a perfect zero. Maybe I should just cough up the $80 and get my profile edited by an AdultFriendFinder

staffer. Somehow I doubt that will work, though...

I know I'm being bitter. I just don't have the outside perspective on myself encessary to identify what's wrong. I have many, many friends outside of AdultFriendFinder. I'm not a jerk, a slease, or a cad. It's mystifying.

Anyway, I'm glad to hear that you've at least made friends via AdultFriendFinder. You also write a great blog.


guynamedjim 58M
729 posts
1/7/2006 8:51 pm

Kiera: Thank you for your kindness. I have been trying to connect with this one gal. She replied she didn't think there was any chemistry? GEE! we never even talked and she blocked me! How's that for this site? Seems to be the generak rule here.

SilkenKiera 38F  

1/10/2006 1:17 pm

~ Givemecurves, thanks so much for stopping by and giving your opinion. It means a lot to me that people like you stop by and take the time to post your honest opinion. I am glad that you enjoy my blog and I hope that you continue to stop by in the future.

On behalf of my gender I apologize for the idiocy of some of these ladies on this site. I'm using the word ladies loosely as some are clearly not. I firmly believe that you are not a sleaze, stalker or anything of the sort, I can tell from you one little post that you are a fantastic person who is longing to make one lucky lady the special person in your life. I commend you for your adventous spirit, and I can only hope that the posers on this site don't distingish that flame. Please don't think that the lack of response is due to you. There are too many great people on this site that have the same experiences as you do. Save your $80.00 for something fun, you do not need a professional profile edit. Hang on for as long as you can on this site, we need people like you, I would encourage you to blog if you can. You certaily have a terrific writing style. I hope that you find what you are looking for here. However, if you don't find her here, I know that you will find her somewhere!

Much love,


SilkenKiera 38F  

1/10/2006 1:21 pm

~ Jim, she is obviously an idiot. What kind of chemistry will there be with computer screens between you two. If she is receptive to a casual coffee in a public place being face to face with you, she is hiding something and you should step over her. I bet she's married and not entirely sure she should be doing anything for fear of being caught. Bet me? INDECISIVE WOMEN OF AdultFriendFinder, STEP ASIDE SO THAT MEN LIKE JIM HAVE A CHANCE! See if that works!


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