Well lets see where to begin....  

SigEp4U 42M
112 posts
2/22/2005 9:33 am

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

Well lets see where to begin....

Well I guess a good place to start is at the beginning... I guess that's why it's called a beginning don't ya think?

(Oh by the way if you don't like what I have to write about don't read it... I am doing this more for myself than anything else.)

Well first and foremost... no I am not actively looking for a relationship right now. I am trying to save a marriage, but thanks for asking.

So why am I even on this site you might ask... well curiosity at first... and then I found out that I can vent some steam here... and then I found that, "hey I can also write about things that I would not normally write about in any other type of setting" So I guess you could call this therapeutical and just a way to express myself.

So what is going on in my life... well... let's see? In November I found out that my wife of six years was involved in an affair and that because of some of the circumstances that surrounded the affair that she could go to jail... for at least a year. Luckily... I think...myself and a very select few indidividuals know about what was going on and so the authorities were not involved.

So there you go... as I am sure that many of you are aware... when your not expecting something like this to happen to you, and when you are in a different place in life (I thought everything was going realatively well) this can come as quite a blow.

Do I still love my wife? You bet! Do I still want to stay married to her? Well that depends on what day you ask me. Obviously there has been a lot of emotional damage.

Now I know a lot of you... maybe some of you who were on the other side of the picture may be saying..."Yea, but how did you contribute to the affair, what were you not giving your wife to cause her to go looking for something else?"

Well that's a good question, a fair question and when I figure it out I will let you know.

You see I know that I am not perfect... yea that's probably a big suprise to some of you... I know that I have hurt my wife at times... that I did not meet her emotional needs at times, but it was not for lack of trying, it was not because I didn't care... it was more because I just didn't know how to.

For example she would tell me that I didn't make her feel beutiful.

I think to myself..."I told her that I thought she was gorgeous just about everytime that we made love... everytime that we would go out I would complement her on something... her hair, her clothes, how she looked, that she was pretty, etc. I had made that a habit. Then along comes this boy and what do you know... my wife tells me that he made her feel beutiful.

Damn... that's frustrating because, I believe that my wife is very attractive, I am still attracted to her... but for some reason I just can't get that through her head. Maybe it was because she heard it so much from me that it really didn't mean much to her anymore... the problem with that is that everytime I did complement her I meant it.

Of course this is a very, very small part of the whole picture and maybe over the next several days, weeks, or months... you might see something that I don't... "Hey don't be afraid to offer advise" I seriously doubt that there is anything that anyone on this site could say about me or too me that would hurt my feelings.

Well so what are things like now? You would think that someone in my wifes position would be grateful that her husband had not sought justice... but that is not the case. Currently my wife lives upstairs in the spare bedroom and I live downstairs. She has started to be civil towards me but that is about it. We are see a counselor once a week... but do you want to know something? A counselor can only help if both people are willing to cooperate.

So what keeps me keeping on... well that's even harder to define.

1) Personality traits of my own... I tend to be pretty loyal.
2) I do love her. I would not have married her if I didn't
3) We have a little boy who needs both of us.
4) The way that I was brought up.

Now of course anyone can say that any of the reasons that I have listed above are pretty stupid reasons... but you know something... to stay or to go... that is my choice, not yours. I am sure that there are millions of men who would not still be around... and that's fine for them.

So what can you expect to see or read about over the next couple of days and weeks on here?

Who knows... pretty much anything and everything. My thoughts about life, sex, sex, and did I say sex...yes I am pretty sexually frustrated right now, my marriage, my work, my interests, etc.

So if you are really bored who knows maybe I can entertain you for a little while. If nothing else you should be able to get a good laugh at my expense now and again.

Have a good day...

SigEp4U

(When I was in college I was in the Sigma Phi Epsilon fraternity... that's where my handle comes from)


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