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A sign of weakness...
A sign of weakness...
Well here’s another view, a window into my mind… yea I know what you’re saying, “he’s got a mind!”
I wonder sometimes how much of myself I should put out there for the world to see. How much do I keep for myself? When I first started writing this blog I intended to just let it all hang out… hide nothing and show everything. One of the things that made me feel as if I could do this was the fact that I was anonymous… just another voice, another soul in the huddled masses.
With time I am starting to get to know people… faces are associated with names. I am no longer just a voice in the dark. With that, I find that I am starting to question myself as I write these post’s, “I wonder what the readers think about me… do I seem to needy… do I seem to insecure… etc, etc.”
Old insecurities start to rise and I start to contemplate about what I should write and what I should keep hidden. It is a basic need to want to be loved, to want to be held in high regard. I guess out of it all I just want people to look at me and say, “Now there goes a real man… not a boy… but a man”
These insecurities arise because as a man, society has taught me that to show emotions is a sign of weakness. That in someway, or some form, that makes you incapable of dealing with the situation at hand. Society has taught me that to be a man, you have to be a rock… solid and unmovable. Anything less is a weakness.
Now in reality I know… really know, head knowledge… that this is not the case. That to show emotions and feelings is a good thing. That a relationship can not survive with out one being able to open up and share with the other exactly how he or she feels.
I am speaking for myself here, but in general, I believe that the majority of the male population can also relate to what I am writing about. It is not that we do not want to open up and share how we feel… it’s just that we have been programmed for so long that to show feelings is a sign of weakness. It’s like sticking your hand in a cookie jar only to receive an electrical shock… after a couple of times… you stop sticking your hand in the cookie jar.
So ladies… do you want your man to share his thoughts and feelings with you? Then you need to create a warm, loving, secure environment… an environment that shows your man that his feelings are real, that they are not a sign of weakness. Any indication on your part that his feelings are not valid, or are something less then what is expected out of a “real” man… will cause him to clam up faster than you can whistle Dixie.
In that one moment that you say, “It’s not that big of a deal, get over it… act like a man” you are just reaffirming what society has taught him all of his life… that displaying feelings is a sign of weakness… something that makes him less then what he should be.
In essence you have to deprogram him…
The reason that I write this now is that I realize that I have some serious deprogramming that needs to be done. There are things that have happened in life that have caused me to think about opening up in a negative way.
This relationship with my wife is one of them… now that’s a real mind fuck there… emotionally, sexually, etc.
Well got to go… life is calling and it’s not going to slow down and wait for me…
3/5/2005 8:21 am
.........I do not know where to start. I'm sitting here trying to wipe away the tears and focus, because I'm drawn to type something, but I'm actually speechless. I think out of all your posts, this one has hit me the hardest. Actually this post triggered something that really brought out the scared, vulnerable, longing to be loved little girl inside of me, that i have been unsucessful in getting rid of in my own personal battles. I read every word of this post twice, and all i could think was why? Here is a man, 30 yrs old writing words of wisdom and learning lessons that you would expect to hear coming from some man in his 50's or older. If he can learn all of this why couldnt my father have learnt it. If my dad would have been able to do all that you're doing now, my life would of been so much different...so much better, and maybe i wouldnt be fighting all the deomons that i fight on a regular basis.
You talk about deprogramming, I need some serious deprogramming on some stuff. Society isnt the only one that tells us "how" we're suppose to be. It's also in the way we're raised. How we see our parents act as we grow up. We pick up things that they dont necessarily teach us, but we observe along the way. It gets burnt into your brain and by the time your old enough to form your own ways of things, and you realize that some of these things maybe arent good things to have...its harder then hell to change it, because its natural for you by that point. Dont get me wrong, i am a FIRM believer that anyone can change no matter your age, but there are times i do question my own strength to be able to do so sucessfully.
I apologize for rambling, my dad is a very huge issue in my life, and i've longed all my life for him to realize and change and do all that you just wrote.
I have to chuckle because, the last place i ever expected anything like this was on a sex/swinger site, but i have to wonder if you are here for a reason. I think evenn through your heartache, pain, and sufferings ....you're a blessing to those of us you touch. For me, you're a big blessing and I really thank you for opening yourself up as you have and letting me know there is hope. "Where there is one more will follow." Isnt that a saying? Hell i dont know...it came to mind. Anyway, You're an amazing man Sig. Your son, and any one else that is or will be apart of your family is/will be very lucky. If there would be one thing that I could give to help you it would be my ongoing support and encouragement. You're simply amazing, and I applaud you for all you're doing to help yourself and the situation your in. For taking all those steps that so many tend to avoid or shy away from, because they are not easy steps to take.
I'm not sure if ANY of this makes sense. But thanks for letting me put it here.
Tight hugs to you Sig,
3/5/2005 10:31 pm
Great thoughts. Very introspective, you are ahead of your time grasshopper |
3/6/2005 3:56 pm
I too am speechless.|
I will just say....SigEp4U, you aren't weak. Your ability to express your faults and insecurites and sensitive side to others makes you incredibly brave. Which is more than I can say for alot of men I know. With bravery, comes strength. We as women...want our men to be sensitive to a certain degree. It shows they are human too! lol
Don't take this the wrong way but.....your words are very wise for your age. As Sheree stated..."you would expect to hear coming from some man in his 50's or older." You have a good head on your shoulders, you know what is important, and deep down I think you'll always know the right thing to do.
3/7/2005 11:27 am
Ladies... thank you! I really didn't think that this post was going to envoke so much passion, so many feelings. |
I hope you all know that I appreciate your comments... that they brighten my day, and I look forward to seeing that you have visited my blog.
I hope that someday... I can return the favor... to be there for you when you need it.